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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger

@goblyn.bsky.social
144 followers 166 following 761 posts

I'm not always as funny as whatever I said that brought you here, but I never stop trying. Bipolar. Broke-ass bitch in a red state. Trying to understand how All This will look to history.

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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
It's the mooooost won-der-ful time of the yeeeeear.... apnews.com/article/fat-...
apnews.com
Fat Bear Week opens for Alaska’s heavyweight crown. Can Chunk, the 1,200-pound champ, win again?
After a summer spent packing away sockeye salmon, Alaska’s heftiest brown bears are ready to throw their weight around.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
I was in elementary school in the 80s and even I understood that the guy was a punchline. That's how he was presented in every piece of media I consumed. Bloom County put his brain in a fucking cat, for god's sake. I thought he'd been resigned to the gutter of Reagan-era pop culture YEARS ago.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Down this path lies madness, Scalzi.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Which brings up another point: if they were close friends for this long, you'd think Sheeran would be well aware of Macklemore's beliefs and his willingness to publicly voice them. Did he just assume "surely he'll know better than to do the thing he is well-known for doing"?
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Chaucer Doth Tweet @levostregc.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
It ys tyme for Tulip skeptics to face some difficulte trouthes. Tulips are the waye of the future. Yf you do not invest yn Tulips you are way behinde. Yf you do not teache your children about Tulips thei will not be able to compete on the jobbe market. Onlye Luddites dislyke Tulips.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
POV: your grandson worked really hard to make you a birthday present and you're trying to think of something nice to say about it
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
but but but the out-of-touch liberal elitists!
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pipi🏳️‍⚧️🧛🦇🩸 @pickedaxe.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
writing is about showing off your particular brand of mental illness in a fun and often erotic way
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I have never before felt so powerful a compulsion to knock someone's books out of their arms.
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Pookleblinky @pookleblinky.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
The thing about trying not to pick a side is that the nazis *instantly recognize* which side you picked. They immediately identify you as an ally. They know exactly what side you're on. It doesn't fool the victims, it doesn't fool the Nazis, the only people it could possibly fool is centrists.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
And what of Huey? We need all the Lewises to weigh in on this.
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Mark Jacob @markjacob.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
The owners of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory self-regulated.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
One of my posts appears to have gone viral--for me, anyway. I have nothing to promote, but if you're reading this, do something today that would have made Dolly happy. Read a book, sing a song, give to a good cause, be kind to a stranger, laugh at yourself, wear something shiny.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
"I am proposing a new house rule: no more windchimes." "Is this directed toward me?" "No, Edward. No one is allowed windchimes." "I am the only one here with windchimes." "This is not about you, Edward."
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I feel like a WWDITS sequel should have an Edward Cullen vampire everyone awkwardly pretends to tolerate but as soon as he leaves the room, they talk about how insufferable he is.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Everyone but them. Then they will be the enlightened masters of a world free of people who weren't as foresightful as they.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
The Banana Splits have now withdrawn from the Ed Sheeran tour.
Still image of the Banana Splits, a band consisting of friendly-looking cartoonish animals wearing mascot costumes. This includes an orange ape on drums, a lion on lead guitar, a beagle on bass, and an elephant.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
An actual author DMing you: "Hey." [entire twenty minute conversation about any other subject] "So anyway, I wanted to ask if you'd maybe finished reading my book? It's okay if you haven't! No pressure! I was just wondering. But did you?"
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
A screenshot from the animated show Gravity Falls. A handwritten note bears the heading "Do you like me?" above a checklist of options, but the only choices are Yes, Definitely, and Absolutely!!!
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I'mma need Kim and Aggie to check out those mold claims before I believe them.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Now that she's gone, a lot of people she helped in quiet are going to start speaking up, and it still won't represent half of what she actually did.
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McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 13/09/2026
"I regret to inform you that New York no longer exists. Unfortunately, as soon as it was out of my sight on our family trip earlier this year, it disappeared forever. As someone who loves both tall things and shiny things, I am distraught." buff.ly/y6hJAZm
mcsweeneys.net
New York Is Gone Forever (According to Me, a Baby With No Object Permanence)
“I regret to inform you that New York no longer exists. Unfortunately, as soon as it was out of my sight on our family trip earlier this year, it disappeared...
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Great article! I definitely need to repost thi--wait. What was that? Jangling keys? I must investigate this further.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Great minds.
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E.M. Faulds / Beth or Taxes / Not em faulds @emfaulds.com · 13/09/2026
Make a band edible? I don't think I can better the qp, but anyway... Fleetwood Mac and Cheese
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
This post is underrated funny so I'm reposting it.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
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Matt Kim @lawoftd.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
So I’m pretty sure this is to disguise naphtha shortages from the Iran War. www.nbcnews.com/world/asia/j...
nbcnews.com
Some Japanese snack packages are turning black and white as Iran war depletes ink supply
The move is the latest caused by the effective closure of the Strait of Hormuz because of the war in Iran. The war has sent prices of oil and other products higher, as well as caused supply crunches.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
The phrase "aggressively booed" is both delightful and extremely accurate.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Name a non-LOTR character who could resist the One Ring.
Greg, from the animated series Over the Garden Wall, carrying his frog.
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DEAD TEENAGERS out now in paperback @judedoyle.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
People of All Genders Empowered to Maintain Delusion That They Have A Chance With Gillian Anderson
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Coming from a fundamentalist family, they are VERY quick to attribute any behavior they don't like to demon possession. If you refuse to agree with their opinion, they will, quite literally, rebuke your demons. Likely this child's heard that rhetoric a lot. Now she's giving it back. Powerful stuff.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
You're dead to me, Proclaimers, and I say that as one of the perhaps ten Americans who knows you for more than one song.
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cvm in pvb @cvminpvb.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
#booksky #vcandrews #stephenking
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Happy My Sweet Audrina Day to those who celebrate. #VCAndrews #MySweetAudrina
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Amazing things are happening in the manosphere.
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The Tennessee Holler @thetnholler.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
JON STEWART: “They began covering their ass 3 weeks after 9/11… There was poison in the air, on the ground, on your pets/clothes… THE CITY KNEW. Rather than limit the damage, they covered it up… After 9/11, business will never be usual again.” (From @mamdanibulletin.bsky.social )
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
They wouldn't be satisfied with anything less than him simply not existing.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
To me, it's not so much about whether this story actually happened in this way--I have my doubts--but the fact that he told this story as if it somehow made him look good.
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Jerry Chen @jcsalterego.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
i am NOT a bot, but here's my reply within 0.2 seconds anyway
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Obviously we need to be giving the robots very cute, harmless names so they don't get too many ideas.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
I wonder how much of it is an uneasy joke, just because we've been shown so often in media that naming the machine intelligence is the first step to it gaining sentience. Which is actually sort of a cool callback to folklore and the idea of "your name is your true self."
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Wilde Butch @wildebutch.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Just an fyi Lowes dropped all of their DEI inclusion programs in capitulation with Trump's hate agenda Much like Target but it got less news
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big bleat from badsville @djepelgesh.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
thank you The New York Post for what may be the funniest image of all time
a picture from the NY Post titled "	today’s leftists are possessed by the spirit of France’s 18th-century guillotine-loving revolutionaries" (way too long) that shows Mamdani (the specter haunting Europe) smiling in the sky as a bunch of French people goof around
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Kenny Logins @kennylogins.bsky.social · 13/08/2024
cohost.org/hthrflwrs
@HTHRFLWRS
Just learned that Rasputin's grandchildren were alive in 1978.
Imagine hearing a song on the radio about how severely your granddad fucks
3:09 PM • 2020-04-28
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Casey S. Pumpkins 🎃 @caseyexplosion.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
This is the same man. With and without glasses. Remember, if a Kryptonian seduces you while wearing glasses, and doesn't disclose up front that he's wearing glasses, that's sexual assault. Don't let it happen to you.
Christopher Reeve as Clark KentChristopher Reeve as Superman
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
The important thing is that neither version of this woman would date him.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
spidermanpointing.gif
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
This is some fae-coded shit and I am here for it.
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Goblyn/The Fifth Dollanganger @goblyn.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
The annual rewatch of #OverTheGardenWall is complete. Now it may be autumn.
A two-panel image: The top panel shows Ozzy Osbourne in concert, with the text "Generals gathered in their masses"

The lower panel shows a still from Over the Garden Wall. In it, a plate of plain mashed potatoes sits in front of a sad-looking cartoon possum. The text reads "Mashed potatoes taste like sadness"
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