theonion.com
RFK Jr. Flushes Nation’s Antidepressants
WASHINGTON—Declaring that there was no better time for the U.S. populace to go cold turkey, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly attempted to flush the nation’s antidepressants this week. “Listen, I found these in your medicine cabinet,” said Kennedy, the 71-year-old Cabinet member stunning Americans in all 50 states as he […]
![Screenshot of a tweet:
British cavalry in the 1850s consisted entirely of twinks who used UwU-speak...
[Photo of a book page] "The dash of British cavalry officers was never greater than at the opening of the Crimean campaign in the spring of 1854. These aristocratic horsemen were, in the idiom of the day, "plungers," "tremendous swells." They affected elegant boredom, yawned a great deal, spoke a jargon of their own, pronouncing "r" as "w," saying "vewwy," "howwid," and "sowwy," and interlarded sentences with loud and meaningless exclamations of "Haw, haw." Their sweeping whiskers, languid voices, tiny waists, laced in by corsets, and their large cigars were irresistible, frantically admired, and as frantically envied. Magnificently mounted, horses were their passion; they rode like the devil himself, and their confidence in their ability to defeat any enemy single-handed was com-plete. Cavalry officers were saying in London drawing-rooms that to take infantry on the campaign was superfluous; the infantry would merely be a drag on them, and had better be left at
home."](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:uqonrv6u7reqli3kksljamwr/bafkreifqd3kvkwqy6k2vuajha3vrughks5bfvl72vglbaywl7nnzyxwqp4)
![3-panel comic. (1) PERSON WITH SHORT HAIR to Person 2: Shining laser pointers at planes is a federal crime. It’s incredibly dangerous. PERSON 2: Oh, because it can blind the pilot? SHORT HAIR: That’s one reason… (2) [Laser pointed at flying airplane] (3) [Cat close to the size of the plane pouncing on airplane and taking it down]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:cz73r7iyiqn26upot4jtjdhk/bafkreicdr4m3a7s2i232wlvcu7dkwytnrh3tlqfbojtmyg3pzr7a6ibxra)
![[Person with ponytail wearing lab coat hands balloon to another person in front of a springboard, a magnet hanging from above, and then a target] PERSON WITH PONYTAIL to Person 2: Rub this balloon against your head, then go jump past that magnet toward the target on the wall. [caption] Before the bathroom scale was invented, the only way to weigh people was mass spectrometry.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:cz73r7iyiqn26upot4jtjdhk/bafkreid7lnvd7afmasx3nxi6anxmyhbatpaw54za3kiw3eaoclrf722faq)
