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Doc Hap

@drhappyknuckles.bsky.social
434 followers 293 following 2K posts

Your relatively cool non-threatening dorky internet dad. I have no agenda. A tangled pulsating mass of neurosis and privilege. I’m sick of these bozos at city hall.

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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
I was sad when Steve Harwell of Smash Mouth died until it hit me that approximately 40% of the North American male population are Steve Harwell of Smash Mouth.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
I had explosive diarrhea before it was cool.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 12/06/2026
The last three decades of my life in eight words.
Screenshot of a computer updating: ‘You’re 29% there. Please keep your computer on.’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
All’s well that ends well!
Headline: ‘Fertility doctor accused of using own sperm dies in crash of hand-built plane’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 06/05/2026
Holy shit why is nobody talking about this
Screenshot: 491 results for ‘Jesus’ in the Epstein files.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 02/05/2026
It’s treasonous to say that we are losing a war that we’ve already lost.
Double CNN headline: ‘Trump considers it ‘treasonous’ to say US not winning war with Iran.’ Sub/headline: he also sent a letter to congress arguing that ‘hostilities’ with Iran have ‘terminated.’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 27/04/2026
I’m having one of those days when the aftermath takes twice as long as the math.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
BREAKING: suspect arrested in WHCD shooting, resolving two mysteries at once.
Jeffrey Epstein mugshot
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
‘The Reichstag heckle’ amirite folks
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
Amateur. Jimmy Carr would’ve shot back.
Screenshot: ‘Trump rushed off stage after possible shots fired at White
House
Correspondents' dinner’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
GOD (after drinking water and getting the idea for carbonated water) This, but painful.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
My life coach tried to murder me.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
‘Hung Cao’
Screenshot: “On behalf of the Secretary of War and Deputy Secretary of War, we are grateful to Secretary Phelan for his service to the Department and the United States Navy,” Parnell said in a post on X. “We wish him well in his future endeavors. Undersecretary Hung Cao will become Acting Secretary of the Navy.”
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
I was firmly opposed to the death penalty until about thirty seconds ago when an old man started picking his teeth and loudly smacking his gums at the table next to mine.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
I have made the difficult but exciting decision to pivot my core business from ‘having feelings‘ to ‘eating potato chips.’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 14/04/2026
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: my diary is a fucking goldmine.
Screenshot: A country song about jerking off called ‘One Can Play At That Game’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
Y’all out there havin’ AI draw pictures of big-tittied hentai girls and I’m over here askin’ ChatGPT shit like
Screenshot: ‘But what if my ego prevents me from being the mother tree’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
Significant breakthrough in my journal today.
Screenshot: Every "problem" is physical (hypothesis / somatic practice). When something is wrong (either very specifically or a vague floating sense of dread, wrongness, etc.) Go through the senses (I tend to skip taste and smell because those are my weak areas but you do you) and ask yourself where the problem is in that zone, i.e. is the problem something I can see / something I can touch? Move down into internal body sensations and finally thoughts. Don't answer immediately, really pay attention and ask yourself. Sometimes you will bring attention to a specific thing and find your mind slipping off it. Try to stick with it just a bit longer and ask yourself if that is the thing that is "wrong." My theory is that eventually you will feel (not with words, but feel) that there is no problem, but when when you find an actual "problem," it is almost always physical, not mental. And nine times out of ten the problem is that you really need to take a shit.Screenshot: Every "problem" is physical (hypothesis / somatic practice). When something is wrong (either very specifically or a vague floating sense of dread, wrongness, etc.) Go through the senses (I tend to skip taste and smell because those are my weak areas but you do you) and ask yourself where the problem is in that zone, i.e. is the problem something I can see / something I can touch? Move down into internal body sensations and finally thoughts. Don't answer immediately, really pay attention and ask yourself. Sometimes you will bring attention to a specific thing and find your mind slipping off it. Try to stick with it just a bit longer and ask yourself if that is the thing that is "wrong." My theory is that eventually you will feel (not with words, but feel) that there is no problem, but when when you find an actual "problem," it is almost always physical, not mental. And nine times out of ten the problem is that you really need to take a shit.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
The reaction to Melania’s speech has me rethinking my plan to suddenly and very publicly announce that I don’t fuck livestock.
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Reposted by Doc Hap
Rex Masters @mastersrex.bsky.social · 08/04/2026
I went and saw Project Hail Mary. A guy came in with his service dog and the dog sat there the whole time just concentrating on the movie. Afterwards I told the guy I was amazed your dog watched the movie like that. He replied, me too especially because he hated the book.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 03/04/2026
Screenshot: ‘Does God have balls?’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
The entirety of my journal today.
A screen shot that simply says ‘Hello. My name is Dingleberry Spoytzhausen, and I’m here to talk to your teenagers about kegeling.’
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Reposted by Doc Hap
Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart.bsky.social · 20/03/2026
For sale: photograph of Death Row inmate, framed, ready to hang
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 23/03/2026
My diary from four years ago. You’re welcome.
Screenshotted text: ‘Too much love in this world and it's spewing in all the wrong directions like a firehose full of semen’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 21/03/2026
My dick is a liminal space.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 14/03/2026
Because I am waiting for my daughter to finish choosing books at the library and I have nothing better to do, here is a short story I wrote twenty-two years ago that is a single 1,329-word-long sentence. Enjoy(?). eyeshot.net/seamus1.html
eyeshot.net
Seamus by Charles Ullmann
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
Everything is so normal right now.
Two headlines next to each other:

French president says a French soldier has been killed in attack in Iraq

Trump's memecoin advertises new chance for investors to meet president at Mar-a-lago
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 07/03/2026
This is the ‘creative writing‘ section of my journal today. How am I not rich and famous yet?
A screenshot that simply says ‘Safety in Plumbers’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 07/03/2026
But the child he hit is not.
Headline a about a guy who became a Paralympian after getting paralyzed while drunk driving.
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sky @iamspacegirl.bsky.social · 05/03/2026
Found a treasure at the thrift shop
Jane Fonda’s Workout Record

Jane Fona is pictured on the cover in a red and black striped leotard with black tights and burgundy leg warmers
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 05/03/2026
Last night I had a dream that I was beating Elon Musk over the head with a flaming Segway in front of a sold out crowd at Madison Square Garden.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 05/03/2026
Furiously chasing my daughter down the street to give her a piece of string cheese, just like a normal human being.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 17/02/2026
Pretty sure this rabid squirrel is checking me out.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
*to my wife, furious at me after the latest Epstein files drop* Look honey, if everybody’s in there, nobody’s in there, right?
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 28/01/2026
I just saw this on my YouTube channel. It’s incredibly painful, but I’ve decided to ‘get out in front of the story’ before the media breaks it. Please respect my privacy and that of my family.
Screenshot of a YouTube badge: ‘Top Listener of Coldplay.’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 28/01/2026
*creepy stephen miller voice* they are only supposed to shoot FEMALE nurses
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Reposted by Doc Hap
batkaren @batkaren.bsky.social · 27/01/2026
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop disassociating.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 27/01/2026
My ideas journal is pretty amazing
Screenshot: ‘ Magical realist ‘Jolly Green Giant porn’ about a guy with a huge green dick and if he cums on the ground vegetables grow there’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 23/01/2026
Sometimes I just need to find solace in the classics.
Screenshot: phone battery at 69%
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 22/01/2026
NATO told Trump he can have the north pole if he assassinates Santa Claus.
Screenshot: "Based upon a very productive meeting that I have had with the Secretary General of NATO, Mark Rutte, we have formed the framework of a future deal with respect to Greenland and, in fact, the entire Arctic Region," Trump wrote in a post on Truth Social on Wednesday afternoon.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 15/01/2026
Picture of a horse’s nose above the headline ‘Horses really can smell our fear, new study finds’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 15/12/2025
ROB REINER?!!!!!!!
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 07/11/2025
There is a reason I don’t want anybody to see my search history and it’s not porn.
A google search asking ‘can you die from too much yogurt’
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 31/10/2025
Please come back at another time I am currently emotionally
A sign in front of an unusable restroom that says ‘Unavailable’ in Japanese, English, Chinese and Korean
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 10/10/2025
I’ll nominate Donald Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize myself if he shuts up and lets me think for five fucking minutes.
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Reposted by Doc Hap
Mary Gillis @marygillis.bsky.social · 10/10/2025
Murder! at the Vicarage
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 09/10/2025
Hear me out guys: Tai Chi orgy.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 09/10/2025
I’m afraid that I have made the difficult choice to begin charging you motherfuckers rent for living in my head.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 04/10/2025
Thinking of starting an OnlyFans for people who get off on middle-aged men eating entire pizzas and crying.
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Doc Hap @drhappyknuckles.bsky.social · 04/10/2025
Exciting news guys, I just found a tiny little quadrant of my psyche that has no emotional wounds.
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