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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 18m

As for Mr Justice Caulfield's summing up to the jury:- "Is he in need of cold, unloving, rubber-insulated sex in a seedy hotel round about quarter to one on a Tuesday morning after an evening at the Caprice?" (No, I didn't write that line for him. 🤭 ) #JeffreyArcher

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 27m

#Headline of the Day Co-founder of far right group 'pulled man's hair' at Brighton protest - Brighton Argus

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 38m

Wise words. Though Kash Patel, Pete Hegseth...🤔

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 1h

#Headline of the Day Badenoch denies ‘British Iron Dome’ plan – after Tories use phrase in press release - Guardian Q: When is an iron dome not an iron dome? A: When it's a Britannia Shield. 🙄

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 1h

If he isn't going to be removed for this, what hope is there? America is now a rogue state, and should be treated as such by the rest of the world until this dire administration is gone. #Trump

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Anti-Reform @antireform.bsky.social · 6h

Every single leader of Reform UK is an ex member of the Tory Party responsible for 14 years of austerity which killed thousands of old, poor, sick and disabled people Don't listen to their promises to make life better They are the problem "From one bin to another......" via We Demand UK

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The Handsome Hobo🇨🇦 @thehobo.bsky.social · 15h

That's how they'd get me

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Mother Jones @motherjones.com · 05/10/2026

The goal in detaining these children, a former official says, is “to make sure no one ever sends their kids to the US again.” Read @samanthamichaels.bsky.social + @isabelaalhadeff.bsky.social report on the administration's new family separation policy that targets children in the nation's interior.

motherjones.com

“You kidnapped my son”

ICE is now separating children from their parents and deeming them “unaccompanied.”

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The Tennessee Holler @thetnholler.bsky.social · 20h

Why is 🇺🇸 media not reporting on this 128 day Albanian protest of Kushner and Ivanka’s insane corruption?

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Governor Gavin Newsom @governor.ca.gov · 10h

Disgusting and disqualifying.

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 15h

Wordle 1,935 4/6 ⬜🟨⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜🟨🟩🟨 🟩🟩⬜🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

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Eloise Powers @elnopower.bsky.social · 19h

- Atlantic Puffins (Fratercula arctica) in Iceland - Photo courtesy of Sarah Bethea.

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Bill Madden @maddenifico.bsky.social · 18h

This is how you do it. 🔥🔥🔥👇

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 18h

#JeffreyArcher RIP. Had him on one of my BBC shows. Gave him a glass of wine in the green room - bought with my own money (BBC cutbacks) - and he complained about the quality.

bbc.co.uk

Jeffrey Archer: Best-selling author and former politician dies aged 86

His last book, Adam and Eve, is set to release this month.

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 19h

"They didn't meet a female Jesus, they didn't meet a soft or passive Jesus...I didn't meet a tolerant Jesus...talk about testosterone, he said he'd shove it up their ass".* *May have paraphrased that last bit. #ManlyJesus

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neuse river hag @neuseriverhag.bsky.social · 21h

back in the day you had a sex dream about jesus you just wrote your bestie at another nunnery or monastery about it

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 19h

"Old Bailey judges are exceptionally senior and experienced. For a member of the Royal Family to question their decision-making is unprecedented and potentially hugely awkward." 3/

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 19h

"This is unprecedented...here we are, seeing another member of the royal family attempting to use the King's courts to overturn a decision, this time by His Majesty's constabulary. It's very awkward for the King." 2/

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 19h

#Headline of the Day King bans Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor from using his money to fight legal battles against police who arrested ex-Prince and the courts - Mail

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 20h

#Headline of the Day Katie Price and MP Suella Braverman set to be chained together for C4 reality show Celebrity Handcuffed - Mail Do they have to sing hymns at the same time, else there'll be consequences? 🤔

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 20h

Must admit I didn't watch it last night. In fact, I'm only giving it a glance now out of professional interest.

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 21h

#Headline of the Day Buckingham Palace unveils new £25 unfilled advent calendar and £12 chocolate offering that's £100 cheaper than Meghan's luxury version - Mail

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 22h

Point is, prime time Saturday night shouldn't be a training ground. Lot of headless chickens running around the BBC currently, particularly with the loss of viewers and heaps of complaints. Plus, it detracts from the actual competition - which is full of questionable 'stars' this year. 🫤

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jbwh24.bsky.social @jbwh24.bsky.social · 22h

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Hahahahaha (and I meant that most sincerely) #ReformUK 'preparing for government'.

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Texas Paul @realtexaspaul.com · 05/10/2026

Simon Andriesz, Howard Nutlick's associate that outed his relationship with Epstein is dead. I know who was responsible.

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Ron Filipkowski @ronfilipkowski.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

How is it not news when the president nods off in public meetings and press conferences dozens of times? If you follow independent media, you see it and know about it. But why hasn’t CBS, NBC or ABC showed a montage of it on their evening news? They simply refuse to ever show it.

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Rachel Pope @prehistorian.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Mary Astell first suggested higher education for women in 1694. Emily Davies petitioned Cambridge for access in 1866. Equal access to HE was finally achieved in 1995. Three bloody centuries.

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Famous speeches if written by #DonaldTrump #3 "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Caesar, as we shove it up his ass". 3/

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Famous speeches if written by #DonaldTrump #2 'And God said "let there be light, let there be a firmament, and let's shove it up their ass"' Amen. 2/

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Famous speeches if written by #DonaldTrump #1 "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we would carry on the struggle, until, in God’s good time, we would shove it up their ass". 1/

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Max B 💙 🔶 🇺🇦 🇬🇧 🇪🇺 @maxbrockbank.com · 05/10/2026

Standing up to the balaclava nonces. Inspiring.

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MꙬse Allain @mooseallain.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

In case you need proof that birds aren’t real, here’s one glitching before suddenly resuming its flight.

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

#KarolineLeavitt left her post as Trump's press secretary ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶p̶e̶n̶d̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶f̶a̶m̶i̶l̶y̶ to spend more time alive after Trump used her as a decoy in a giant jet. Fixed that for you, Karoline. 😎

independent.co.uk

Karoline Leavitt’s next career move revealed after exit as Trump’s press secretary

Leavitt left her post as Trump’s press secretary at the end of August

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

#Headline of the Day Central London hit by mass power cut with 32 postcodes affected - Independent Another non-Russia-related power outage incident. 🤭

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Will Tesco perhaps merge with Aldi or Asda? Tescodi? Tescoda?

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Diane Messias @comedywriter.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

#Headline of the Day Sainsbury's held talks about merger with supermarket rival Morrisons - Sky News Sainsison's? Morrisury's?

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