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Chris 🏳️‍🌈

@chris.asstrophe.lol
115 followers 107 following 84 posts

If lost, please return to @jess.asstrophe.lol

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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 01/08/2025
If you asked me a few years ago, I wouldn’t have had being a paid member of The Green Party and actually being excited by a leadership election on by bingo card but, here we are. Though frankly it may be short lived if @zackpolanski.bsky.social doesn’t win the vote.
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 14/01/2025
I a silly goose
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 14/01/2025
Me: *doesn’t sleep* Me: *doesn’t eat* Me: *doesn’t hydrate* Me: *doesn’t exercise* Me: “Why do I feel like shit all the time?”
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 01/01/2025
Happy new year everyone
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 24/12/2024
Not 5 dictating a letter to mummy Jess for the attention of Santa to ask him if he likes the Christmas tree and she decorated a gingerbread tree for him to eat and he shouldn’t forget to eat it 😭😭🥺 Kid needs to go to sleep so we can wrap her presents otherwise he ain’t coming 😬
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 10/12/2024
I can’t be the only person that flings spaghetti at the kitchen cupboard to check if it’s cooked…?
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 07/12/2024
👀
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 27/11/2024
Dying at this tweet. Who the fuck cooks their morning porridge overnight on a radiator? Goldilocks would be fuming.
A screenshot of a social media post by “Sir Starmeroid” discussing the cost of their breakfast sourced from Waitrose, claiming it costs £0.19 a day or 6p with cheaper options. The items include organic porridge, organic milk, single apiary honey, and frozen organic raspberries & blueberries. They state that they heat it on a radiator overnight and argue that schools do not need to provide healthy food before or after school. The post suggests parental responsibility should not be shifted to the state. Below, a reply by “Chris Toland” questions leaving radiators on overnight.
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 19/11/2024
There is NO WAY his IQ is over 150. Zero chance. One of his fan boys made it up.
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 18/11/2024
Timeline cleanser, if you see this, quote a picture of yourself as a child. (I think we had the same barber…)
chrisasstrophe as a kid
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 18/11/2024
Remember: Your body is a temple, and you wouldn't fill a temple with crisps. (Actually I would, and do, frequently)
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 18/11/2024
New Ed Balls day just dropped. Or "the balls have dropped", if you will.
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 17/11/2024
This is the kind of thing that makes it worthwhile to at least browse Twitter once in a while.
Victoria Coren Mitchell, Richard Osman and Susie Dent having a natter on Twitter
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 16/11/2024
Just when you thought the mental imagery of a story couldn’t get any worse.
Michael Fabricant replying to a newspaper headline from Nadine Dorries about group sex in the Commons.
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 15/11/2024
Nearly fell for this bsky.app/profile/offi... Doesn’t look like the real Mark Hamill (handle spelling is wrong). I guess he’ll post on his Twitter when/if he moves.
bsky.app
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 15/11/2024
Am I just a chaotic mess of a person or do I have ADHD?
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Reposted by Chris 🏳️‍🌈
jessican’t🤍 @jess.asstrophe.lol · 14/11/2024
my handsome son
seal ragdoll cat looking very distinguished
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 14/11/2024
This ATProto stuff is pretty nifty. I didn't like the way that on Twitter, Bluesky handles don't render correctly (the @ bit would assume a Twitter handle). So I created a DNS record in Cloudflare and a redirect rule so that requests to chris.asstrophe.lol redirect to my profile page here 😎🤓
A screenshot of my profile at Twitter
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Reposted by Chris 🏳️‍🌈
Bluesky @bsky.app · 18/08/2023
One part of our upgraded infrastructure may affect your profile. If you see your handle now says “Invalid handle,” please reverify it by navigating to Settings > Change my handle > Type in your current handle > Verify DNS Record > Update. (Basically, update to the same handle.)
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 13/11/2024
No it isn’t 😌
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 13/11/2024
I swear everyone in this house is trying to kill me considering the number of shoes that keep getting left in doorways in a prime position for me to trip arse over tit.
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 13/11/2024
Barron Trump might look innocent enough now but if The Boys has taught me anything it won’t be long until he flings a left wing protestor into a building and lasers Melania.
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 05/05/2024
I’m coming back to Bluesky because X is depressing the fuck out of me. How’s everyone doing?
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 15/09/2023
Me: I'll just hang on to my two-year old phone for another year. Also me:
iPhone 15 Pro Max order confirmation
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 05/09/2023
RiPe AnD rEaDy
Image showing bananas at Morrisons that are advertised as “Ripe and Ready” but they are still green.
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 26/08/2023
I’m SENIOR PET
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 26/08/2023
Fave moments from the bird app: 1. Meeting @jess.asstrophe.lol
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 22/08/2023
@jess.asstrophe.lol is the love of my life 🥰😍
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Reposted by Chris 🏳️‍🌈
Krashy @kineoncrash.bsky.social · 19/08/2023
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 19/08/2023
New handle just dropped
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Reposted by Chris 🏳️‍🌈
Adam Cerious @adamcerious.bsky.social · 16/08/2023
cop: is this your chocolate factory? willy wonka: why do you ask? cop: we've received reports of maimed children and slave labor wonka: that 8 year old owns it now
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 16/08/2023
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 15/08/2023
Very proud of our 10 year old who, when faced with banter from a boy in her class using a “your mum” joke, she responded with: your mum jokes are old but never older than your mom /mic drop.gif
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 15/08/2023
Day 32 of the Summer Holidays so just started watching Encanto for the 32nd time.
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 14/08/2023
Cooking a Hello Fresh recipe for dinner: “Serves 2” Me:
The Fat Controller laughed. You are wrong.
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 13/08/2023
Cooking instructions: 25-35 minutes. Idk man, that’s a broad range. You’ve cooked it before could you just tell me the length of time I need to set my timer for?
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 13/08/2023
Been a while since I did this and everyone else is so, why not?
ngl.link
@chrisasstrophe: Send me anonymous messages!
NGL: Anonymous Q&A
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 07/08/2023
Repost a pic with your age, 37
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 05/08/2023
'Cause I'm just Ken, anywhere else I'd be a ten
Me as Ken
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 30/07/2023
I wish the PM all the best with his pregnancy whilst in prison.
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Chris 🏳️‍🌈 @chris.asstrophe.lol · 29/07/2023
Great, now I’m going to have to move my apps around.
Stripe, Eventbrite, and X icons which spell out SEX
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