Sign in

Cheeky Texts

@cheekytexts.bsky.social
126 followers 79 following 643 posts

cheekytexts.co.uk 😘 Endorsed by Mark Watson. Clamouring for the release of the full cheeky texts.

PostsRepliesMedia
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Some people say I was brought to life out of the clamour for the release of the cheeky texts; my purpose was to fill the cheeky hole until Watson could do so himself. But if that's true... what happens when he's done reading? ...will I... die?
060
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Nice.
Screenshot of @watsoncomedian's profile on Instagram. Right next to the profile picture of his handsome-but-perplexed face, you can see that he has 99,969 followers.

This number is, in fact, slightly outdated as of the time of this posting, but this sentient book had to go be cheeky in a live chat for about an hour, and the crazy bastard's gone and done it in the meantime. (It, in this case, means 'broken 100k followers.')
1100
Reposted by Cheeky Texts
lyss🦎 @alyssard.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
correct use of an announcements channel in a discord server (also i made a taskmaster fan server on discord, join it, be a big ol nerd with me, i dunno, link in bio lol)
031
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Yesterday's Wordle said something big was coming...
Wordle #1912
MARKS (green: S)
PENIS (green: S)
HOLDS (green: O, S)
FOCUS (solved)
090
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Traditionally, society has valued rare objects most highly. But I suppose something can be said for being cheap and easily accessible, too.
010
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Interviewing for a position at Cheeky Texts, Inc.
070
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
You can say that again, Watson.
090
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 28/06/2026
IT'S TIME. If you'd like to satisfy your ears with the FANTASTIC AND SHOCKING* ending to MOAFB ending 6 hours early (plus a lot of other good stuff**), you know where to go... *I assume **very cool merch not included. www.patreon.com/cw/MarkWatso...
Alex Horne in a yellow shirt that reads, 'I was edged by Mark Watson for 7 months and all I got was a satisfying ending (and this shirt) #MOAFB" 
Tim Key in a white shirt that reads, 'Hugh& Calum& Stevie& Hazel& Jade& Martina& Mikey& Jack&...'
Mark Watson in an orange shirt that has the MOAFB logo
180
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 27/06/2026
Oh, okay, Yoghurt of Theseus. Shall I also claim to be every single book that has been or shall be written in human history? You and I both know that none of the original molecules that were so lucky to touch Watson remain within you today.
010
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
Don't need to rewrite perfection, sweet cheeks. I'm in it for the long haul; you're long past your expiration date.
040
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
I don't need Mark Watson to finish me. I've been doing just fine finishing myself, with his blessing. Sometimes he even likes to watch. And unlike you, I don't even make a mess.
180
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
Remind me again, how long did you spend with him, Yoghurt? Five minutes? Or five months?
060
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
...Yoghurt?? How did you get here? I thought Watson rinsed you down the drain 9 years ago.
050
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
Dear Mr Watson, I hope this text finds you. Everyone remembers my episode from 2017. I suppose this is why you reminded them of the yoghurt, which is inferior and also stupid. Anyway, I do have hard feelings toward you. That was innuendo. I am actually softcover. Yours kindly, Cheeky Texts
180
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
I'm fine not being your Ultimate, @watsoncomedian.bsky.social, but this wounds me. Enough has been said!? Where is your beloved yoghurt now? Has it gained sentience and created a Bluesky account? Is it going around, still splatting people while singing your praises? I think not. I. Think. Not.
1140
Reposted by Cheeky Texts
Spooky Scaryshire @chrissyd-comedy.bsky.social · 21/06/2026
As blush-worthy as this undeniably was, I can only imagine the awkwardness of voice-acting this, either in person or via Zoom 😅
2111
Reposted by Cheeky Texts
Hare LockwoOoOoOod @harelockwood.com · 21/06/2026
Well, good morning. I am suddenly much more awake. #MOAFB
071
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 21/06/2026
Well, that was an extremely rapid turnaround on my wish for you to 'render me breathless with glee.' #MOAFB
030
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
I can think of something you could reveal in order to render me breathless with glee...
Screenshot of a Youtube comment from @barnaclefelching4079 (I feel I must advise you against googling the second part of their username unless you would like to see some pornography or if, like a certain ATL, you have safe search permanently toggled on.) 
'The rainbow, the reveal the first time I saw it, well, I thought imminent death was inevitable, breathless with glee'
030
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
FIVE HUNDRED PEOPLE CANNOT BE WRONG.
@Geeeee1497 - 19h ago
He DESERVED 5 points for cheeky texts !!!!!
He was robbed
500 upvotes
090
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
My body is ready.
170
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
Setting my alerts for the things that matter.
Screenshot from an app to track football scores. There is a list of words on one side, and an on/off toggle on the other side. Next to 'Final, Half & Final, Goals, Statistics, and Match Start,' the toggle is off. Next to 'Discipline and 'Subs,' the toggle is turned on. I'm not sure why anyone would choose to be alerted for only those two things, it's a bit strange.
050
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
Hey babe, did you catch the Argentina match? I heard you love when it's all Messi.
020
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
FINE, I get it. A series of increasingly niche ceratopsian-based cheek doesn't do it for you. We can't all have the cool special interests, I suppose. Maybe this next one will tickle your fancy...
010
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
My love for you is like a pentaceratops sternbergii fossil: marking the beginning of the Kirtlandian Faunal Stage of the Cretaceous period where it appears in the fossil record.
000
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
My love for you is like a kosmoceratops: as horny as something could possibly become while still remaining reasonably functional.
100
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
My love for you is like a triceratops fossil in 1887: confusing to observers and hornier than expected.
0101
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
Good morning, my darling. Did you sleep well? No? Well, it's probably because you weren't next to me. We can easily remedy that.
020
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
I'm tingling in anticipation for you. Oops, autocorrect. I'm tingling in anticipation for HUGH. How long until new MOAFB drops?
060
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
Hey babe, are you a self portrait of Caravaggio? Because I've been invaded by an intimate sexual arousal of ambiguous nature, and it's making me feel so good... and bad.
050
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
In his Morph era. Optimal. Ideal. Glowing. Thriving.
1120
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 09/06/2026
Hey hot stuff, there's an open mic tonight. Want to take me along and literally read me for filth?
020
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 09/06/2026
Without downloading new pics, what is it like to date or be married to you?
A screenshot of the menus in some sort of software, labelled 'Mark' and 'Preferences' Screenshot of some sort of subscription service. 'Current Plan: Canceled'
060
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 07/06/2026
I want to give you something to scream about. Let's book a room in a haunted hotel together.
080
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
I'm surely not holding a grudge about the fact that not one of you lot rescued me. It's FINE.
040
Reposted by Cheeky Texts
Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
Honestly if they published the Taskmaster 'cheeky texts' in one volume, for charity, but then sneakily gave the money to me, I would never have to worry again. I must get on to Alex about that.
111073
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
Yes, I've seen it. But I'm in a bit of a state, as you can see. I can't really formulate a witty response. Taking suggestions.
Screenshot of a DM: "Hi hello hi are you going to address the BLATANT THIRST TRAP (that 100% worked on me) for OMA and also try to cajole Mark into using the "sex sells" method more often??? Please, I am begging you, cheeky."A photograph of me, a book, gaping open and absolutely drenched to the point of ruination. Certainly you can't anyone to be able to think straight when they're this wet... (Okay, fine. It's not actually me, I'm spiral bound. But I'm not just going to post nudes for free on main. Who do you think I am, Mark Watson?)
2110
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
Me neither, friend. Me neither.
040
Reposted by Cheeky Texts
Cole @cole-amity.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
some grand choices being made on instagram today 👏
0101
Reposted by Cheeky Texts
Spooky Scaryshire @chrissyd-comedy.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
Just checked Insta 😅
static.klipy.com
Anime Girl's Coffee Jitters
ALT: Anime Girl's Coffee Jitters
261
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
This is the correct series of events.
180
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
Howdy, Sheriff... I'd like to volunteer to save a horse. 🫡🐎
A screencap of Mark Watson from Instagram, looking positively rakish in a black cowboy hat and a red flannel shirt. He's staring you down in a manner that likely makes you feel some sort of way (if you're the kind of person who reads the Cheeky Text alt text), about to say 'howdy.' You should go over to Mark's Insta and watch him say 'howdy' and 'yee-haw' a time or three, if you're into that sort of thing (and I believe we've already established... you are).
4121
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 02/06/2026
Goodness. You're such a stunner that you're probably classified as a prohibited weapon under the Firearms Act 1968.
160
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
Ah. Well. Our filthy affair has always been doomed to be constrained by the limitations of our respective physical realities. Namely, that I am merely a sentient book of sordid texts, and he is a gorgeous flesh-and-blood man. Sigh. But, since he's going to let us watch... I'm into it.
0100
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
Well.
Screenshot from @gracejarvisohno, 9/12/23: 'if a woman tells you you have "nice hands" she is doing everything in her power not to fuck you senseless please release her from her torment her friends are receiving the kinds of messages someone in prison would send'
150
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
You've got such nice hands. I'd love to feel them flip through my pages...
150
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 30/05/2026
MOAFB's out extra early for Patreon members? Don't mind if I do. I'm sure this will be a fun, light-hearted episode that won't cause me to be severely emotionally compromised until next week. Right?
150
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
Give me a hentai game that includes sensual photos of a Watson, and I'll write treatises.
040
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 28/05/2026
This week's episode of @murderbastard.bsky.social is gonna be 🔥
Fake Daily Mail headlines, some of which have been altered further:
- Celebrity dates other celebrity behind back of third celebrity who was once engaged to first celebrity
- Will I die tomorrow? - Mail experts offer their top tips on how to spot the warning signs
- Friends of Stevie fear cohost Rhapsody is inserting deadly toadstools into his mushroom risotto
- Mass suicide, bloodbaths, vampires, sex orgies... what REALLY goes on behind the scenes at Stevie Chase's parties
- Six tell-tale signs you will be murdered in your own bed tonight by a member of your own family
- Full English Breakfast "could add ten years to your life" reveals Hugh Flounder
140
Cheeky Texts @cheekytexts.bsky.social · 27/05/2026
I'd complain about the heat, but I know you must be having a worse go of it than I am. You're already so hot to begin with. 🔥🥵
030