Reposted by Candace HeckardThe Shallow State @ourshallowstate.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Mitch McConnell's medical team says, after 85 days of being out of sight, that he is "still having issues with breathing." This is a very common side effect to not being alive. 29464114
Reposted by Candace HeckardBill Grueskin @bgrueskin.bsky.social · 30/07/2026Running out of body bags, using forklifts to transfer corpses into makeshift morgues, a mortician conducting 200 funerals in a month when he usually does 30, crematories running at double capacity… And these senators just want to memory-hole it all www.nytimes.com/2020/04/30/n...nytimes.com‘We Ran Out of Space’: Bodies Pile Up as N.Y. Struggles to Bury Its Dead (Gift Article)The coronavirus crisis is overwhelming New York’s system for burying the dead. 22182742839
Reposted by Candace HeckardThe Onion @theonion.com · 24/07/2026Seagull With Diarrhea Barely Makes It To Crowded Beach In Time theonion.com/seagull-with-diarrhea-… 221725213
Reposted by Candace HeckardTransitional Fossil @transitfossil.bsky.social · 12/07/2026An amuse douche, if you will. 72375
Reposted by Candace HeckardMichele @burienwino.bsky.social · 12/07/2026It's like we have been sent an appetizer because the main course is taking too long. 27587931102
Reposted by Candace HeckardThe Onion @theonion.com · 05/04/2026Nation’s Fuckups Announce Plan To Get Shit Together For Real This Time theonion.com/nations-fuckups-announ… 18112988
Reposted by Candace HeckardThe Onion @theonion.com · 07/03/2026Kristi Noem Fired As DHS Secretary theonion.com/kristi-noem-fired-as-d… 31421150
Reposted by Candace HeckardFreethinker @69eerrr.bsky.social · 08/01/2026The media (and everyone else) need to stop referring to ICE as "law enforcement". They are out to perform "ethnic cleansing" and to terrorize the population. There is nothing "lawful" about it. 35683682359
Reposted by Candace HeckardThe Onion @theonion.com · 09/12/2025Terry Gross Conducts ‘Fresh Air’ Interview On Bluetooth During Uber Shift theonion.com/terry-gross-conducts-f… 9101784
Reposted by Candace HeckardRon Filipkowski @ronfilipkowski.bsky.social · 26/09/2025Every day he finds new ways to turn the US into a giant insane asylum. 85356501120
Reposted by Candace HeckardKurt Andersen @kurtandersen.bsky.social · 22/08/2025Rod Serling’s introduction: “This, as you may recognize, is a map of the United States…On a given morning not too long ago the rest of the world disappeared…A monster had arrived….Just by using his mind, he moved an entire community back into the dark ages….This is the Twilight Zone.” 2406
Reposted by Candace HeckardThe Onion @theonion.com · 15/08/2025Novelty Nachos Helmet Works Way Into Regular Dishes Rotation 221912155
Reposted by Candace HeckardThe Onion @theonion.com · 07/08/2025Sleeping Man Flanked By Laptop, Phone, Earbuds Like Egyptian Pharaoh Buried With All His Treasures 252779344
Reposted by Candace HeckardNurseBrianRN @nursebrianrn.bsky.social · 24/07/2025me, too, sweater. me, fucking, too. 010827
Reposted by Candace HeckardMr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 11/07/2025How long until they let us know we’ve been on Candid Camera since November? 1014044
Reposted by Candace HeckardAnne Thériault @annetheriault.bsky.social · 05/07/2025John Julius Norwich, describing 9th century Sicily: The local Byzantine Governor, Euphemius by name, had recently been dismissed from his post and recalled to Constantinople after an unseemly elopement with a local nun. His reply was to rise in revolt and proclaim himself Emperor. Me: go on … 3446
Reposted by Candace HeckardAllison Gill @muellershewrote.com · 30/06/2025bsky.app/profile/muel... 781623338
Reposted by Candace HeckardRodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 28/06/2025Jeff Bezos’s wedding cost $50 million. In related news I wash plastic forks so I can reuse them. 5419
Candace Heckard @candaceheckard.bsky.social · 09/02/2025I think my grandmother had the right idea. She kept her money in the oven. 000
Reposted by Candace HeckardJoJoFromJerz @jojofromjerz.bsky.social · 29/12/2024This is so spot-on it’s scary. 11345509814312