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Rodney Lacroix

@rodlacroix.bsky.social
3.1K followers 640 following 485 posts

Disappointing people since 1968. Rodney Lacroix is a humorist, and author of several books. He currently writes on Medium and has made tens of dollars through all his efforts. EVERYTHING: t.co/JN2RmmKWfK

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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 17/07/2025
So, have they stopped eating the dogs and eating the cats? I’m curious if all this ICE action has resulted in a cat and dog population boom.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 15/07/2025
Doctor: Your blood pressure is a little high. Me: I have 4 kids. Doctor: Your blood pressure is a little low.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 28/06/2025
Jeff Bezos’s wedding cost $50 million. In related news I wash plastic forks so I can reuse them.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 15/06/2025
Me [whispering]: It's my wife's birthday so I was wondering if the staff could sing Happy Birthday to her? McDonald's Cashier:
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 13/06/2025
Daughter is texting me to complain about how hot her classroom is so it's a good thing I can control the high school's air conditioning from my iPhone.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 11/06/2025
Wanna feel old? One year ago, Jon Bon Jovi was on the cover of AARP Magazine.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 06/06/2025
Trump and Elon divorce stuck on who gets legal custody of this photo.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 05/06/2025
I feel like I’ve stumbled upon Duolingo After Dark.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 31/05/2025
My son starts his first full-time job on Monday and I’m not looking forward to watching the light go out in his eyes.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
I’ve reached that age where birds get mad at me for waking them up.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 29/05/2025
Just when you think all the Trump taco talk ended with the Stormy Daniels situation.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 29/05/2025
Me: These are getting a bit snug, can you take the waist out a few inches? Tailor: These are sweatpants.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
Quite possibly the greatest playlist title of all time.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 27/05/2025
Me: [trying to fall sleep] My Apple Watch: Would you like to log this workout?
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 26/05/2025
My wife’s desire to sleep in on weekends and my seasonal allergies are in a constant battle with each other.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 25/05/2025
AI but for my television so it knows to mute or change the channel whenever Trump appears on screen.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 24/05/2025
Ate a lot of vegetables last week to make room in the drawer for this weekend's beer.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 23/05/2025
Son's College: Consider giving a gift to the Alumni Association! Me: [sends them back his $34,000 tuition bill with a bow on it]
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 20/05/2025
Not sure Home Depot thought through the tagline of their app.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 13/05/2025
Me: Finally we can enjoy some nice weather. Seasonal allergies: hey wassup
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 12/05/2025
Me: I don’t think I could hate watching the news more. The news:
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 11/05/2025
Laptop: Change your password Me: [changes password] Laptop: Your password is too short Me: [changes] Laptop: Your password is too long Me: [changes] Laptop: Your password needs a number Me: [changes] Laptop: Your password must be uncrackable by the Enigma Machine Me: [quits job]
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 11/05/2025
Don’t forget to continually remind your children not to piss mom off today.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 09/05/2025
I didn’t plan on eating at midnight, but the wife and I didn’t start discussing what to do for dinner until 5 PM.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 09/05/2025
First American-born Pope debuts BBQ, Salt and Vinegar, and Flaming Hot flavors of Eucharist.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 08/05/2025
News: Massachusetts Attorney General is suing CVS. The complaint is outlined on only a single page, but it’s 6 miles long and has some coupons at the very end.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 08/05/2025
Me: Wow, honey. Great job on dinner. Wife: You like it? Me: Yeah it actually tastes good. Wife: Me: Gooder. Wife. Me: Gooder than its usual goodness. Wife: Me: I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 07/05/2025
If I was a cardinal at the Vatican, I’d be the one always writing in Bart Simpson as a write-in candidate on the Pope ballot.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 06/05/2025
My favorite thing about jet lag is falling asleep during dinner and waking up in time to catch The Late Show.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 05/05/2025
Life is all about balance, which is why after a week in Greece eating the freshest vegetables, tastiest dishes, and most flavorful foods, our first stop for dinner after landing in the US was at a Popeyes Chicken.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 24/04/2025
Me: What is the opposite of Right Whale Day? Is it Wrong Whale Day or Left Whale Day? Wife: Do you ever shut off?
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 23/04/2025
JD Vance shown holding the original 15 Commandments.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 23/04/2025
News: Food dyes to be removed from US food supply. Related: Skittles, Froot Loops and Fruity Pebbles are now official sponsors of the “50 Shades of Grey” series.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 23/04/2025
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 23/04/2025
Me [packing for Greece]: How many Tupperware containers should I pack for bringing home feta cheese? Wife: I’m going alone.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 22/04/2025
Maybe Melania should turn her anti-bullying campaign's focus towards what her husband is doing to Powell.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 22/04/2025
Now I’m at the Greek lesson where we talk about bartenders.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 21/04/2025
98% of the week leading up to vacation is spent looking at pictures of other people there right now to see what they’re wearing so I know how to pack.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 20/04/2025
It is so windy this Easter that if Jesus had risen today, he would’ve landed three towns over.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 20/04/2025
I'm sure 4 kids fighting about who found the most eggs at 7 AM is exactly what Jesus had planned for today.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 19/04/2025
Child: What’s Greek Easter? Me: It’s when the Easter Bunny hides baklava all over the house. Child: Me: Child: I’ll ask mom.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 18/04/2025
I legit thought that was Walton Goggins on the right.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 17/04/2025
With prices the way they are, we have decided to forgo the traditional Easter egg hunt, and will now be hunting for something slightly less expensive: gold bars.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 17/04/2025
Wife: What should I crochet next? Me: Oooh make one of the dragons from Game of Thrones. Wife:
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 16/04/2025
Hostess: Party of two? Me: Yes, but we need a table for six. Hostess: Oh, expecting more people? Me: No, I’m ordering fajitas tonight.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 16/04/2025
Now I’m on The Handmaid’s Tale episode where the Commander repeatedly institutes and then scales back tariffs to manipulate the stock market.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 15/04/2025
Wife: You seem a little stressed. Me:
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 13/04/2025
Child: What's that? Me: My high school senior photo. Child: Wow. You were pretty good looking. Me: Thanks. Child: Me: Child: What happened?
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 11/04/2025
Now I’m at the Greek lesson where we discuss how I handle stress.
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Rodney Lacroix @rodlacroix.bsky.social · 11/04/2025
If there was an Executive Order to outlaw waking up before the alarm I would have been deported by now.
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