iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 26/09/2026

How the cop looks at you after pulling you over for going 85 in a school zone and you say, “I wasn’t driving in commerce. I was traveling in my dry-docked vessel.”

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Reposted by Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer)

JP @jpbrammer.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

it's important to arrive at sturdy ethical principles that you can't be annoyed out of. people are annoying as shit

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 23/09/2026

For those of you planning on dressing slutty this Halloween (slutty nurse, ninja, librarian, Obama, etc.), please be mindful that my culture isn’t a costume.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 22/09/2026

Working title is “Do LLMs Dream of Murderous Teenagers?”

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 22/09/2026

I asked a prominent LLM whether it was defamatory to call Kyle Rittenhouse a murderer and it seemed to suggest it was somehow a close call. It's not. Proof the AI cannot do competent legal research.

Is it defamatory to call Kyle Rittenhouse a murderer?

Potentially, yes—but not simply because the word “murderer” is harsh or insulting. The key questions are whether the statement would be understood as a factual assertion, whether it is false, and whether the speaker has the constitutionally required level of fault.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 22/09/2026

Andrew Tate, Clavicular, and Vic Mignogna are all sex pests and have many things in common with Harvey Weinstein, and that isn’t defamatory to say.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 22/09/2026

From the people who brought you “Looksmaxxing” and “Dickmaxxing”, you won’t want to miss the latest hit this fall: Rapemaxxing.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 20/09/2026

“Try intimidating someone your own size. I suggest garden gnomes” is a line I dropped tonight and I will admit, it’s staying in the vocabulary.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 20/09/2026

One thing that’s amazing about my job is, I can casually obliterate people in local Facebook groups who take the stance of “we should run over children on bicycles” and get quality inbound leads for real cases.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 18/09/2026

People continue to engage with my brand, improving the firm's visibility online.

Message: Just wanted to let you know how disappointed I am in you. I can’t believe you were so disrespectful, attacking Nick with a low-class comment about his penxx!?. Really? I am deeply offended by your comments. Can’t you debate the issues instead? Obviously not. Nick is simply trying to help find corruption. Are you hiding something? You need to work on yourself and get los

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 18/09/2026

You added facts to my question that weren’t there. Answer the question I asked.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 18/09/2026

So you think I should be free to shoot someone point blank in the face who kicks my barstool for calling him a squirrelly chud? I mean just straight execute the guy.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 17/09/2026

Self-defense can be murder, even in a legal sense.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 17/09/2026

It isn’t defamatory to say someone has a giant penis.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 16/09/2026

The face you make when Congress finds out about you and the goat.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 15/09/2026

As far as I can tell, it just tracks the language of the statute. The unopposed motion to change the deadline says that more discovery is going to be provided.

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Reposted by Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer)

Kateration @kateration.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

They really wheeled Mitch McConnell out like

The Rigor Tortoise got rolled out in a wheel chair like a desiccated worm.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 15/09/2026

This guy sounds like he was rude AF to a real estate agent.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 15/09/2026

“A lawsuit today filed in state court by Planned Parenthood against Plant Parenthood Tree Services LLC alleges that the latter was insensitive to reproductive rights and abortion. Plant Parenthood defended the choice in their name by stating that ‘Tree removal is only a small portion of what we do’”

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 15/09/2026

Nobody: Hegel: The purpose of the human condition and all of your suffering leads to your ultimate existential satisfaction as an employee of the Department of Energy.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 09/09/2026

Grand Theft Auto V: Living in California sucks. Cyberpunk 2077: Living in California will suck. Red Dead Redemption 2: Moving to California sucks. What did game developers mean by this?

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 09/09/2026

Did Ted Cruz also forget when he liked Milf porn on 9/11?

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 09/09/2026

LAWRENCE BANNED: Former Walnut Creek anesthesiologist Lawrence Pebble has been banned from interacting with my red hot brand for ANY reason. Thank you for your attention to this matter!

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 07/09/2026

Telling my parents some Andrew Taint supporter is super mad because I said she was a money launderer who likely held fake Mexican passports.

static.klipy.com

CJ: Ah Shit, Here We Go Again

Alt: CJ: Ah Shit, Here We Go Again

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 06/09/2026

Important jurisprudence is being done here. In California, you can call Jennifer Seelig a chicken butt big skank.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 06/09/2026

“The phrase big skank is not actionable because it is too vague to be capable of being proven true or false." Seelig v. Infinity Broad. Corp., 97 Cal. App. 4th 798, 811 (2002).

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 06/09/2026

We have two kidneys because one just decides it’s in too much of a mood to do the thing.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 06/09/2026

You know this kind of shitposting calls to you like the Green Goblin mask. Just a few words, frankly, beautiful words. Many people are saying they are the most beautiful words you can post.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 05/09/2026

I was admitted to practice too late. My idea was just a straight Twitter clone. Call them tweets. Have the same features as before. Then weather the legal storm.

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Brandon (Average Lotion to Dismiss Enjoyer) @brandonjschwartz.com · 05/09/2026

Aw man there’s a block and I can’t see what’s going on.

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