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Brandon Bird

@brandonbird.bsky.social
4.6K followers 329 following 14K posts

Artist, Jerry Orbach Car owner, Sears shopper. store.brandonbird.com

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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 2h
When you're driving around at night listening to Henry Rollins' radio show, in which he addresses his listeners as "fanatic," it's fun to imagine he's just having a conversation in the studio with a silent Phillie Phanatic.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 3h
TNG season 1 & 2 ---> TNG season 3 on (they're basically superhero suits)
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Erica Henderson @ericafails.bsky.social · 11h
Ok this is the favorite commission for day 2. The prompt was "ghost rider as a mail carrier"
Ghost rider driving one of the new electric mail trucks
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Brianna Ashby @briannaduggan.bsky.social · 5h
I just finished the Martin Mull documentary and it was so wonderful, and so worth your time to seek out.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 6h
What's been your go-to place for sticker printing?
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 7h
I've translated the musical message in Close Encounters. It says, "We are aliens."
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 8h
Say what you will about Lennie Briscoe, he would know immediately that LLMs are useless bullshit.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 8h
The plot of the newest Law & Order is that A.I. arranged a hit; Lennie Briscoe is rolling in his grave.
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"fart" @jonhendren.com · 27/02/2025
mike ditka used to have a branded resort in kissimmee florida and there were lots of staged photos of mike ditka hanging out in it. i will post a bunch of them now. sorry for hte low resolution these are from like 2008
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Alan Siegel @alansiegella.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
"The apotheosis of insanity.” For the 20th anniversary of 30 Rock, I went deep on my favorite thing about it: all the fake shows, movies, and songs. With help from Tina Fey. www.theringer.com/2026/10/08/t...
theringer.com
From ‘MILF Island’ to ‘The Rural Juror’: Inside the Fake World of ‘30 Rock’
Nothing explains the greatness of the NBC sitcom—which premiered 20 years ago—like its TV, movie, and song parodies. “They were a treat to write,” says Tina Fey.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 18h
Bush-era culture created a bunch of terrorists.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
I've been getting bizarre ads for CPAPs and end-of-life care, and I finally figured out that I get them after I use the pool, where there are lots of old people.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Like, nothing beats 2010s twitter, but Elon-era twitter/X was the worst thing that ever happened.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
I don't know, but I do think it's really interesting that you're finding bluesky a downgrade from twitter in terms of engagement/sales. For me it's the opposite.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Hmmm, interesting.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
“Congratulations on the weight loss.” I won.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Making a little badge for myself that says Less Fat.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
The annoying thing is that literally no one I’ve hung out with has been like, “you look good” or “you’ve lost weight”
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
I wanted to lose at least twenty pounds this year and… I did?!?
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
I have lost five more pounds since August
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
I was like “are you out of your mind?????” You’d be a better parent if you dangled your kid over the lion enclosure.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Meanwhile my old brother was going to fly him out to meet his son and thank god the pandemic happened to prevent that.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
My younger brother cut him off around 2011 and he was completely correct to do it.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
It is hard to do even if they suck shit, and if a parent has been cut off they one million billion percent deserve it.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
The fact I did not completely cut off contact with my dad (at least not until the last year he was alive) is my greatest shame.
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Professor Edward Birack @nicosan1.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
This was the one I got and it's a beaut.
static.klipy.com
Columbo Clapping and Smiling with Cigar
ALT: Columbo Clapping and Smiling with Cigar
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
I will be cutting off orders soon! brandonbird.myshopify.com/collections/...
brandonbird.myshopify.com
Just One More Thing
This began life as a reward for my Patreon subscribers, but now non-subscribers have the chance to order a unique customized print of Columbo is just one more thing added. No two Columbos are the same...
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Hamburglumbo
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Mike Engel @michaelengel.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
"Now...just one morphin' thing..."
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
The Brown Ranger
Columbo as the brown power ranger
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Get a pair of these and casually carry them over your shoulder when you invite male strangers in.
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Stellbound: Stellraiser II @antlervel.vet · 08/10/2026
So he comes in, gets the lay of the land, starts setting up, asks if he can use the bathroom, pisses with the door open and walks out dick in hand, asks me several times if anyone lives with me (had to invent a fictional boyfriend coming home from work soon), and asks me for a massage when he’s done
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max power 🌌 @sneptech.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
I know I lost 15 pounds through August, but I think I've backslid on my diet somewhat (e.g. eating a slice of pizza at a party)
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Tomorrow I find out if I defeated my doctor (lost enough weight to not get a passive aggressive obesity talk).
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Pulp & Politics @pulpandpolitics.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
I pick up this print of Babar and Celeste looking at a whale in Paris many years ago. On the gallery wall next to entirely unrelated art.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Okay [eats 6,000 calories]
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Please enjoy Babar and Celeste riding a whale.
illustration from a Babar storybook of Babar and Celeste riding a whale
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Melissa Gira Grant @melissagiragrant.com · 07/10/2026
reading this, recalling how quickly the killing of Minnesota Rep. Melissa Hortman slipped out of the news
phoenixnewtimes.com
Congressional candidate is raped while repairing her campaign signs
Embarrassed, she initially didn’t want to report attack. Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office's investigation is ongoing.
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Soraya Nadia McDonald @soraya.press · 07/10/2026
This is sexual violence as a form of terrorism. It is political violence and it is chilling and horrific, and AOC was absolutely right to be terrified that the goons (now pardoned) laying siege to the capital would rape her if they found her. Small changes won't fix this. FLIP THE TABLE NOW
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
AND they have increased prices for rural addresses for the same reason.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Slow-ass rapist.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Meta is deeply insane.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
jfc, DMing with an old friend on Instagram and it popped up a "Does this conversation fit your business goals? Yes/No" prompt.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
All it can really do now as a hood and some doors.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Dude, ofc I’m “being upfront;” I have from the start been talking about my own personal experience. The gas prices I have seen. The money I am being charged. You are being obtuse by looking at that and somehow going, “UM actually if we look at historic trends…”
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Gas WAS in line with inflation before a mentally impaired rapist started a war.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
In conclusion, stop saying bullshit for the sake of being pedantic.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
And I was born in 1980, a year with a historic gas price shock.
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Brandon Bird @brandonbird.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Today's local price is $2 more than the adjusted-for-inflation price of gasoline the year I was born.
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