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Blonde Matthew, tour guide

@blondematthew.bsky.social
810 followers 310 following 1.4K posts

The only tour guide in Melbourne.

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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 6h
After watching 4 episodes in a row I tried getting us to do something else, and I explained to my niece that when I was little you could only watch one episode of Pokémon per day (usually at breakfast time) and she looked at me with an expression somewhere between disbelief and pity.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 6h
"Uncle Matt, does jolteon evolve?" "No, but we could draw a picture and imagine what it'd look like." "No, you can do that. I'm busy." [continues playing Pokémon]
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Exit 3 (Federation Square) of Town Hall Station is opening!
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norman emailer @maximumchips.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Okay cool our premier has late stage syphillis
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
I was too optimistic.
Federation Square entrance of Town Hall Station still closed behind a construction fence
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Peter @notalawyer.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
i really can’t bring myself to care about AI anthropomorphism debates. “is AI thinking?” i don’t know. is a calculator calculating? questions for the philosophers. what’s important is that we put sam altman in prison.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Don't show 3AW that the city is actually busy on this public holiday and that shops are open.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
A couple of days ago I saw an urbex video showing the view from the top of the shot tower and today I saw a kid getting arrested for attempting it :(
A kid on the roof of the Coops Shot Warehouse. A crowd has gathered on the upper floor watching the cops and fire department climb up a ladder
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Is the dogs in pubs thing just allowing venues to accept dogs if they want to, or is it forcing all venues to accept dogs?
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Met some pensioners from Perth on the tram and they told me all about how Flinders Street Station was built before British colonisation, and that the government is hiding the truth from us.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
RIP Terry Denton, I loved Lift-Off as a kid, even though it gave me the false impression frilled-neck lizards would play a bigger role in my life than they have so far.
Watercolour illustration for Lift-Off filled with colourful characters from the show
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Glen @gergyl.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
BOM's trad Niño3.4 has broken through +3°C: www.bom.gov.au/climate/infl....
BOM graph of weekly traditional Niño3.4 since 2010. The current value, +3.01°C for the week ending 20 September, is the highest ever recorded.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Liberal candidates always bang on about "preserving the village feel" of their area, but they never want to pedestrianise streets or drop speed limits.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Dunno the real reason, but I'm choosing to believe Southbank is lit up green tonight for Tim 💚
Lights of Crown Promenade and the Crown Casino lit up green at twilight.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
New profile picture. I'm Blonde Matthew
Selfie where I'm pointing to my blonde hair
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
City is off today, saw Carrot Man without his carrot.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Looks like there's only a few pavers left till this entrance is ready. Grand Final weekend opening? 🤞🤞
Fed Square entrance of Town Hall Station. Still has a construction fence around it, but the screens and ticket barriers and everything look finished to me.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
The discourse was right, how is this a song?
Troye Sivan - Party
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Our city looks disgusting! Where are the graffiti cleaners???
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I love ABC's National Forum, I've only missed 2 episodes.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I've argued with this guy twice. He tells me off saying I don't need to pull the cord while in the free tram zone, but it's not a rule other tram drivers follow.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
All six cygnets still happy
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Blocked by whoever runs Catherine King's social media for commenting "Member for Qantas"
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Leonard French has artworks at NGV International AND NGV Australia. Are there any other artists in both?
Strained glass window at the top of the esculators at NGV Australia.
Fairly abstract colourful shapes, but there's definitely a figure at the top with outstretched arms
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Ed Zitron @edzitron.com · 13/09/2026
I resigned from JibJab over what I believe are dangerous intelligences creating deepfakes
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Just saw a guy on Hinge posing in suits at a horse race, and with greyhounds in front of a SportsBet backdrop. His job is listed as a vet nurse. It never occurred to me that some people study to be a veterinarian because they wanted to kill animals.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Just remembered Spring Racing Carnival is a thing still. :(
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
There's a dozen coats of arms on the Princes Bridge that represent different councils that contributed to its construction, but I've read too many history books I've forgotten which represents which.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
I'm used to seeing silver gulls, black swans and white ibis out my window, but I've never seen ospreys before.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Australian ravens protecting us from a drone 🫡
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Blonde Matthew
Mirror selfie. I'm blonde again ✨️
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
I've heard enough, Charlie Pickering needs to resign from One Nation.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Knock knock 🐒
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
"I'm at Central Station in Melbourne, and they've built this massive fake building in the middle of it!"
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
The hardest part about being a tour guide is algorithmically being fed videos of your city where tourists are confidently wrong, and you expect the comments to be helping explain something but it's just "Well done on pronouncing Melbourne correctly" or "Watch out for machetes!"
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
My niece drew these while I was cooking dinner!
A 5yos drawing of 2 pokémon. Unmistakably a diglett and a koffing.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 30/08/2025
Tattoo idea
"President
Bill Clinton Had 2 Bowls
How Many Can You Have..." sign in the window of Meekong Vietnam restaurant on Swanston StreetSame sign in gothic text as a tramp stamp
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Blender Lane was looking almost finished, but now they've dug it up.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
The people that call ibis "bin chickens" are the same people who get swooped by magpies.
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grant @grantpardee.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
"Tiny Tim, who DESERVED to die,"
Gonzo in Muppet Christmas Carol delivering the line "And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die"
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CAMERON WILSON @cameronwilson.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
who called this "cctv doing automatical bird recognition" and not "flock"
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Poorneet! Tadpole season, spring, or whatever you wanna call it! 🌸
Selfie with a flower emoji over my crotch
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
I want to see "Oh, Mary!" but I don't want to travel 16,000kms to London or New York. Can someone please give the script to Steven Oliver or Anne Edmonds? 🙏
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Attention-seeking racists did something attention-seeking? Thanks Jeff Kissubi, it's so important for us all to all see.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Waving at a driver to turn his headlights on, but he's too busy on his phone to notice me.
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
"The Traitor" by Pavle Jovanović
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 19/09/2024
"Into the vacuum came a bizarre proposal from an Italian-Australian businessman and 'Count' who proposed a $200 million reproduction of 'Little Italy' with 'Colosseum,' 'Trevi fountain,' 'Spanish steps,' 'Piazza Navona' and so on..."
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mattstewartcomedy.bsky.social @mattstewartcomedy.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
When's an international comedian going to make the joke that Acknowledgement of Country's are flawed and make the analogy that it's like stealing something else (car/house etc) and then apologising but not giving it back?!
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Now entering week 8 since the podcast
Screencap of The Bolt Report. Somehow linking the joke to Dolly Parton
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Blonde Matthew, tour guide @blondematthew.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Hell yeah! Rhys is absolutely going to win this now. #TheTraitorsAU
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