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Ben Schrager, but spookier

@benschrager.bsky.social
679 followers 1K following 1.1K posts

Sometimes acting in plays, sometimes writing them. Go Birds, Go Phils, fuck TERFs I was bad at Twitter, now I get to be bad this.

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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 16h
Pez dispenser for Tums
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one dozen bats at a keyboard @panasonicdx4500.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Cam Jurgens sacrificed his body for an Eagles Super Bowl and then got the team back the 2nd rounder that was spent on him anyway. Philadelphia Legend.
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Tyler, from the Internet (Haunted) @tylerfromtheinternet.com · 07/10/2026
I've changed it so it just says NEW COLUMN: Stephen A. Smith embarrasses himself daily.
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Stephen @tgk.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Seems suboptimal that the President of the United States of America is talking like I do after an ugly playoff loss
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Drew, I’m a huge fan, but this is an absolutely rancid take.
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ProPublica @propublica.org · 06/10/2026
The government *still* isn’t tracking how often immigration agents detain U.S. citizens. We are. 500+ Americans have been handcuffed, held at gunpoint or held against their will in Trump’s second term. Our tally is almost certainly an undercount. THREAD (content warning: violence) ⬇️
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Jesus Zoidberg: Taller than Willie Lampkin @jesuszoidberg.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Grim Reaper: Ok, I did it, I got Dennis Haskins, dropped him off in Hell. God: You idiot, that's not what it said, put on your damn readers! GR: They make me look old! God: Put them on, or I'll get the next guy up! GR: Oh.....Dennis Hastert, I was wondering what Mr. Belding had done...my bad.
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Correct.
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
If you wanna be generous (and I don’t): No Saquon, no Johnson, no Baun, no Dickerson, no Smitty, no Goedert, no Q, no Greenard, hell no Tank eventually, am I missing any? None of those injuries excuse having a head coach with two total brain cells, though
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Jesus Zoidberg: Taller than Willie Lampkin @jesuszoidberg.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
You want to get on Nick, this is the 5th week in a row, after halftime, that the other team made adjustments and they didn't.
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Oh for FUCK’S sake
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Cooper(s), have yourself a day
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
This head coaching matchup is a battle between a dumb guy’s idea of a smart guy and a dumb guy’s idea of a dumb guy
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Go birds
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Briiiiiiaaaaannnnnssss!! @spocksbrian.worstpossible.world · 03/10/2026
People on threads say such weird stuff
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Cornbread Countess @breadbae.blacksky.app · 02/10/2026
Kids just be doing shit
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Trea Turner is a cautionary tale about putting too much faith in an aging twink
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Mina Kimes @minakimes.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
The problem isn’t that they’re moving past it—it’s that they’re trying to rehabilitate it. Would be better for everyone if people who don’t want to engage with the facts just talked about the play on the field and left it at that.
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
It’s a racist chant and I hope the Dodgers hand their asses to them. Meanwhile, Phillies are who we thought they were and they’re not gonna fix it. Fire DD, the window has closed. Starters will keep the corpse afloat, but the offense and pen are a mess.
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Nick Piccone @piccone.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Will be spending the lockout thinking about what this season would’ve looked like if Trea Turner was good
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
It’s still We Have Kenny Powers at Home on the opposite mound, make it a fucking game
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
It’s a piece of shit car, and I will never buy one
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Phillies score 4 here, I will take back every bad thing I’ve ever said about the Toyota RAV 4
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Get a third!
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Go Phils
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Get a dog! www.aspca.org
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ASPCA
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Fat Beer Week
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Win or lose, I’m thinking about Dan McQuade tonight, and how he would have written about this series
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Phils in 3.
Fortune cookie fortune: New opportunities will come your way in October
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Pastor meme: Jesus, I see what you’ve done for other people, and I want that for me
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Ok, so having slept on it, I think the clear pitching plan for today should be: 1) Score 10 runs in the first inning 2) Use Nola without too much fear of regression and save Wheeler 3) Profit
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
HE LITERALLY CALLED GAME
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
And of course… the game is going to come down to whether this offense can score more than three runs
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
*longest sigh of my life* Phils in 3
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Anthony @anthonyesbensen.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Blame the front office for building a bullpen that has 2 viable arms in October
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
So, I think the plan is: Duran 8th inning Phillies score 4 more runs Bowlan/Mayza 9th
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
JACKIN TRIPLES REALMUTO
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Though I’d also say Raccoon City did a better job containing that outbreak than the Eagles did containing Case fucking Keenum
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Flush the game tape, move on.
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I saw Resident Evil today and it kicked ass, so at least there was that
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Mukuba is so bad, man
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Eagles Offense Bway Set Design 🤝 Sick of seeing these fucking screens
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ArtButMakeItSports @artbutmakeitsports.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Man in a Blue Mantle, by John Singer Sargent, 1891, 📸 via @cjzero.bsky.social
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
That was a “fuck you” call from Sirianni and Hurts after the chicanery of the last drive derailed by the dirty hit. The absolute balls to go for it
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ben @vtben.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
They're naming "Football Game Clock" the Time Magazine Person of the Year
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Stop showing me Andy Dalton’s stupid fucking face on the sidelines, it’s just making me angrier
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Fuck these dirty motherfuckers up.
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Ben Schrager, but spookier @benschrager.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Go birds
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Roberto Rojas @robertorojas97.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
And here’s the INCROYABLE French commentary
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Roberto Rojas @robertorojas97.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
The Brazilian Portuguese commentary on that Tyler Loop field goal for the Ravens is exactly what everyone needs to hear right now
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