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Patrick Ziselberger

@ziselberger.com
1.1K followers 1.6K following 5K posts

Baker, Vermonter, IT guy, internet clown.

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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 28/09/2026
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 25/09/2026
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A tweet with a photo of US military police in front of the Bass Pro Shop pyramid store in Memphis, Tennesee. It is captioned:

> It is 2025 BC. I am a soldier from one of the outlying provinces called to defend the pyramid in Memphis.

> It is 2025 AD. I am a solider from one of the outlying provinces called to defend the pyramid in Memphis.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 22/09/2026
A black and white illustration of a door open with a male figure standing in it, throwing a long shadow. On the wall is the text: A man! A man has arrived! To share his manly views
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 20/09/2026
#bakesky autumnal weather means pumpkin espresso swirl cake.
A red plate holding a freshly baked pumpkin espresso cake. Baked in an antique cake/pudding mold, it is swirled on the top 2/3ds.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 10/09/2026
An image of a tardigrade playing the world's tiniest violin.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 06/09/2026
Here is the perfect set of Fantasy Adventurer names:
A terribly-spelled menu from a food vendor The choices are:
Putlong
Ham Burjer
Chiz Burjer
Hamen Chiz
Hamen Egg
Hamen Eggen Chiz
Burjer W'Egg
Burger W'Eggen Chiz
Dobol Patties
Egg Sandwitz
Egg Sandwitz W'Chiz
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 03/09/2026
Mitch McConnell Status Update:
A still from George Romero's "Dawn of The Dead" where Peter, played by Ken Foree, says "When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth."
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 02/09/2026
Making this the most embarrassing, vile vehicle on the road!
An incredibly ugly cybertruck with a custom full-body wrap showing a scene from one of the Harry Potter movies. It is, of course, parked in front of a Longhorn Steakhouse, because someone with that little visual taste would also enjoy RFK, Jr. roadkill-style cooking served in a fast-casual setting decorated like a going-out-of-business retirement community.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 28/08/2026
Stephen Graham Jones's "Buffalo Hunter Hunter" which will scare you *and* break your heart.
The US cover of The Buffalo Hunter Hunter" showing a buffalo in profile with a broken horn and a human-looking eye.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 24/08/2026
The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ate my chicken tendies I vowed revenge....
A "KFC" sign over a set of stairs leading below ground into a darkened entryway.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 23/08/2026
Get these for your High-vis Goth (visigoth?)
A pair of thigh-high safety yellow mesh boots.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 22/08/2026
Morning bake. Cheddar, apple, sage biscuits. #bakesky
A close-up of a biscuit, fresh from the oven, resting on parchment paper. It is lightly browned, with visible cheese and flecks of sage. More biscuits are visible in the background.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 21/08/2026
Abandoned malls are cursed ruins.
A classic D&D scenario cover "X5: Temple of Death" by David Cook, with the original hero image replaced with a photograph of an abandoned Sears, which lacks windows and has a dark, ominous entryway.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 20/08/2026
This is fun.
Generated Xmen logo that reads: Icebox plums. So delicious and cold! Hope no one eats them!
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 20/08/2026
reminds me of this delightful tweet:
A tweet from @artetak that reads:

Begging horror movie writers to create scary shit other than clowns and satanists when half of my friends are clowns and the other half are satanists. Like wow so scary they also cry while listening to MCR
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 16/08/2026
Portrait of Elon:
A rooster, or "cock" with a tube sock over its head.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 12/08/2026
Your favorite Disney princess, wrong answers only.
Gillian Anderson as Dana Scully from an early X-Files season.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 31/07/2026
Let's do it!
Red text on a white background that reads: "My mom says we can start a revolution if it's okay with your mom."
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 30/07/2026
I've been loving the memetics around this.
A fake "Hardy Boys" book cover, done in the style of the early, 1940s editions. The hardy boys are in a dark corridor, slowly opening a door, behind which rests a dead senator McConnell, flatline visible on the monitor. The title is "The Secret of the Dead Senator"
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 29/07/2026
Sing to me of the man, Muse, of the man of the red shirt and cap Driven time and again off course once he had boarded the storied Minnow's decks. Many coconuts he saw and learned their uses. Many pains he suffered, heartsick, under Skipper's rage Fighting to save his life and bring his comrades home
Gilligan, the hero of "The Gilliad"
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 20/07/2026
If you want proof of life for Mitch McConnell, it isn't difficult. Just steal some food from his bountiful table.
The Pale Man, who looks a lot like McConnell, especially the mouth-parts, from Guillermo Del Toro's "Pan's Labyrinth."
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 19/07/2026
Stop scrolling and post two characters who bring you happiness.
Jeremy Brett as Sherlock Holmes and David Burke as Dr. Watson fro the 1984 series "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes."
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 16/07/2026
Describe yourself in three characters.
The Swedish Chef from the Muppets. I like to cook and can get a bit messy while I'm at it.Professor Keating from "Dead Poet's Society." I read at least one poem a day and find joy in sharing them.Cameron from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" because I stress over the tiniest things.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 16/07/2026
I know which church to go to for protection...
A white church sign with black type that reads Bowel's Of Mercy Outreach Ministry
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 10/07/2026
All the Grim Reapers coming for Mitch McConnell
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 08/07/2026
Mich McConnell's spokesperson about to release a statement.
Zelda Rubenstein playing Tangina, famed medium from "Poltergeist"
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 08/07/2026
Seems unChristian of GOP leaders.
A Ouija board with planchette, used to communicate with the dead.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 07/07/2026
#poetry by Chen Chen
Summer Was Forever

Time dripped from the faucet like a magician’s botched trick.

I did not want to applaud it. I stood to one side & thought,

What it’s time for is a garden. Or a croissant factory. What kind

of work do I need to be doing? My parents said: Doctor,

married to lawyer. The faucet said: Drip, drop,

your life sucks. But sometimes no one said anything & I saw

him, the local paper boy on his route. His beanstalk frame

& fragile bicycle. & I knew: we would be so terribly

happy. Our work would be simple. Our kissing would rhyme

with cardiac arrest. Birds would overthrow the cathedral towers.

I would have a magician’s hair, full of sleeves & saws,

unashamed to tell the whole town our first date was

in a leaky faucet factory. How we fell in love during jumps

on his tragic uncle’s trampoline. We fell in love in midair.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 30/06/2026
Okay. Who did this?
An altered version of Wyeth's "Christina's World" where Christina is laying in the grass on the capitol mall, looking at the cheap ferris wheel that is part of the America 250 fair. Other tents and buildings are visible, with the capitol building in the distance.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 30/06/2026
A clever sign at one of the local, small farmstands.
An egg-shaped sign that reads "Fresh Eggs" mounted to a post on a roadside farmstand. It is white with black letters and looks like an egg.The same sign, opened, showing the egg "shell" cracked, with a smaller, yolk yellow sign inside that reads "Sold Out."
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 29/06/2026
I think you should also import this Malaysian peanut butter. It'll be a huge hit.
A jar of "Jobbie" brand chunky peanut butter, which is for sale in Maylasia and may be available online.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 29/06/2026
Happy Alex Kintner Day to all who celebrate!
A composite image from "Jaws" showing the boy Alex Kinktner swimming then getting eaten by the shark. Captioned: "Remembering Alex Kintner: Taken from us this day - June 29, 1975"
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 27/06/2026
Kat,
A protestor holding a sign that reads, "Stop killing butterflies to make butterflied shrimp!"
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 27/06/2026
A protestor holding a sign that says "Stop killing butterflies to make butterfly shrimp!"
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 26/06/2026
A protester holding a sign that reads: "Stop killing butterflies to make butterfly shrimp!"
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 21/06/2026
Same vibe, down to the creepy smile:
An old back-of-the-comic-book ad for "X-Ray Specs" with a creepy looking guy wearing specs that let him 'see' through a woman's skirt.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 18/06/2026
Word from the Reflecting Pool.
A picture of the algae scummed reflecting pool, with the mayor from Jaws superimposed in front of it. The caption reads: "The pool is open and everyone is having a wonderful time!"
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 18/06/2026
There were three or four seasons of "Channel Zero" which just this, to varying quality. Season One, at least, had a creepy-ass tooth child monster.
From "Channel Zero" a boy made entirely of teeth, standing in the woods.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 12/06/2026
Here's what it will *actually* be like.
A "Bizarro" cartoon, where a plumber, having just installed a toilet, tells the owner: "There's no handle; you need to download the FlushMe app."
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 11/06/2026
Me in the group chat
Mia Goth at the climax of "Pearl" crying and smiling at the camera.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 22/05/2026
And they can control the rocket with an off-brand PS4 controller.
The very bad submersible that squished the billionaire.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 20/05/2026
Me, posting to Bluesky:
A crosswalk push-button that has had part of the sign covered by a sticker so that is reads: "Push button for moist."
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 18/05/2026
May 18th, 1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted. Photograph taken from Mount Adams, by John V. Christiansen.
Two panels showing the eruption of Mt. Saint Helens from another peak. In the first, there is a small plume of ash in the distance, a hiker with an orange backpack is in the foreground taking a picture. In the second panel, Mt. Saint Helens is no longer visible as a massive ash plume is surround the eruption. The photographer has fallen backwards and is sitting in the snow, braced, staring at the eruption.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 16/05/2026
This is what women want.
A photograph from a cookbook, featuring Paul Newman, in a red sweater and blue shirt, holding a copper saucepan, pouringa a sauce over a roasting pan. The picture is captioned: "Delicate moment: Newman saucing his scrod.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 10/05/2026
Here is Scout, saying 'Paint me like one of your French cats.'
Grey cat, Scout, on her back, paws in the air, showing her belly, stretched out on an off-white blanket on the couch.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 10/05/2026
Share a horror movie that isn't talked about enough. "And no one will hear you scream. NO ONE WILL HEAR YOU SCREAM!!"
Landscape poster for "Messiah of Evil" I do not know the artist.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 09/05/2026
Making rhubarb chutney. This will cook down and I'll have roughly 10 pints.
An enameled cast-iron dutch oven holding rhubarb, raisins, ginger, garlic, jalapeno, sugar, vinegar, and spices. It has just gone on the heat, so the colors are still vibrant. It will cook down into a mahogany color.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 06/05/2026
@finalgirlafterdark.bsky.social one of the famous alums of the school I work at is Bette Davis. While surveying the campus yesterday I came across a mid-century portrait in oil. I thought no one would appreciate it as much as you
A BBC mid century portrait of Bette Davis, in a cerulean silk dress with a fur collar. Holding a cocktail glass.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 06/05/2026
@trungles.com you are reading material at the school where I work!
Multiple copies of Trung’s “The Magic Fish” to be read by students.
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Patrick Ziselberger @ziselberger.com · 05/05/2026
Thank you BK Logo generator.
A burger king-style logo that reads: "Epstein Files with extra cheese"
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