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Zack Crass

@zackcrass.bsky.social
85 followers 355 following 41 posts

I write, ramble, and occasionally make sense. Had a truck, lost a truck. Got into some trouble, met a girl, fought a sorcerer, saved the world. What the hell. He/Him/They * Queerling * Blanket Hog * Secretly Belial

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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 24/08/2025
"How was your day, hon?" Flops dramatically on the couch — "Ugh. The agent was posing as a barista. They were like, 'Enjoy your coffee!' and I was like, ‘You too!' I’m MORTIFIED. I can't face that agent and give them self-destructing packages ever again now!"
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 24/08/2025
Imagine being the person who walks into an unassuming café, whispers, "I may complain again when the grainy plains of Spain gain rain, Wayne," gets some nonsense reply, hands off a secret package, etc.. And that's literally their entire job.
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 24/08/2025
Personal Log, Stardate 4823: Interrupted a "Battle Brows" game between Spock and Bones - Highest Arch contests, etc.. Asked why they don't abandon all pretense and just kiss already. Now it's been 2 days since I last saw them, and dammit, we've got frontiers to be bold about... or whatever.😡🫠
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 21/08/2025
Ever try for 40+ years and just seemingly for no reason?
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Internet Dad @whatahellofawaytodad.com · 15/08/2025
If you come across my house in the bombed out wastes of New St Louis, I've got a good loot drop in the basement
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 14/08/2025
I guess I am unable to edit to add ALTs to my photos on Bluesky posts. I'll follow through going forward. Thanks again!
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 14/08/2025
I had to look up ALTs. Through context clues, I am understanding that I should describe pictures that I post. Thank you for the tip! I appreciate you telling me about it rather than shaming me for my ignorance. Surak would be proud.
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 14/08/2025
Hello, fellow Star Trek Pez Dispenser pack owner! What number is yours?
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 14/08/2025
I clearly do not have real friends. All those poseurs will be seeing this post.
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 14/08/2025
Pretending I only know celebrities from their more obscure roles. "Oh wow, Mayim Bialik? The actress from Pumpkinhead?" "Of course I know Wayne Knight! He handed the shit out of a file to Kevin Costner in JFK!" "Yeah, Margaret Cho, that FBI agent in Face/Off. Thought we'd have seen more of her."
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 11/08/2025
Blocked.
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 04/08/2025
This is the answer. Numbers are woke anyway.
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Robert Evans (the Only Robert Evans) @iwriteok.bsky.social · 01/08/2025
despite everything, i still believe in the potential of humankind to create utopia. but it will require hard work, courage, and above all else extremely deep v-necks that go almost down to the dick
Will Riker wearing a v neck that goes almost down to his dick
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Dr. Allison Wiltz @allyfromnola.bsky.social · 30/07/2025
There is so much going on in this society. Carve out time for yourself
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 29/07/2025
The look on this cat's face tells me all I need to know. "Oh. You hate your cat."
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 25/07/2025
When life starts spiraling, don't be afraid to rock the emo bangs, fire off some finger guns, wear all black, and dance menacingly in a shitty jazz club.
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Secret Drug Addict @scrtdrugaddict.bsky.social · 18/07/2025
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 19/07/2025
Just found out the "E.T." in E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial actually stands for Emotional Terrorist. He will expose your soggiest self to your kids while giving you the glowing finger. Ouch indeed.
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Jerry Chen @jcsalterego.bsky.social · 18/07/2025
TIMELINE: ok i hear what you're saying. but what if things got dumber
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 17/07/2025
Actual review: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "Met Bryce on day 3 of my thru-hike. He found a tick I didn't even know I wanted found! 🥰💖😍"
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 17/07/2025
An app for lonely campers and hikers who need someone to groom their musky bits for ticks after a long, sweaty day in the woods... and maybe more. Allogroom & Chill™️ "Because why not take this from the shower to the bedroom?" -or- "The Itchier Tinder."
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WholesomeMemes @wholesomememe.bsky.social · 16/07/2025
1978
Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 16/07/2025
Meatloaf: I would do anything for love... Daryl Hall & John Oates: I can't go for that. Meatloaf: ❤️ From the critically misunderstood Consent Power Ballad collalbum: Boundaries Are Sexy
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Rick @rickylongthread.bsky.social · 14/07/2025
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Kevin M. Kruse @kevinmkruse.bsky.social · 14/07/2025
In 1996 Al Gore caught hell for making fund raising calls from a White House phone!
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 13/07/2025
Me: sleeps for 18 hours Also me: anxiety spiral for the other 6 New reality TV idea: ALONE, but for people like me. Who will outlast their panic before their next hypohibernation... ...and who will tap out? Coming soon: ALONE: With My Thoughts
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 12/07/2025
Meatloaf Attempt #1. Ugly. Structurally sound. Shockingly tasty. Then... Do I live in a dumpster with a graceless raccoon? No. I live with a sociopath. My stomach hurts. This experience has changed me. I trust no one. #MeatloafGate #NeverAgain #WhoDoesThat #IPukedInMyMouth #AreHashtagsStillCool
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Dan Whitehead @danwhitehead.net · 11/07/2025
I know everyone is bored of posts like this, but I just got a packet of crisps out of the cupboard and they were hot like they'd been in the oven and I think that's probably bad.
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 11/07/2025
Excerpt from my screenplay TOM WICK Scene 1: Phone rings. Tom pauses feeding his cat. It's his manager at the temp agency. MANAGER: "Don't bother coming back. You're literally the worst at everything." TOM: "Okay." He resumes feeding the cat. It purrs. Tom smiles a little. Then kisses it.
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 29/06/2025
Red Delicious Apples were the only fruit in our house growing up. That's how I know my parents either didn't actually eat fruit or didn't love us. Maybe both.
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 26/06/2025
Glad I wasn't sitting down when you broke this news.
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 26/06/2025
Nobody has tried to sell me brain pills or white nationalism yet, so I'm hesitantly hopeful.
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-𝚖𝚘𝚡 ☃︎ ❄︎ @moxiest.art · 12/09/2023
Welcome to all the newskies. Our credentials are readily available. Here is a cat.
A doodle of a pink cat
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 25/06/2025
Settle for being Fergie. Make a soy milkshake. Bring soyboys to your yard.
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 25/06/2025
media.tenor.com
a woman says they 're the same picture while sitting in front of a window
ALT: a woman says they 're the same picture while sitting in front of a window
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 25/06/2025
When I leave my wallet in the car, I shove it down between the seat and center console. What sane burglar is reaching into that probably-wet-but-at-least-moist pit of despair where lost eras of my life live hand-in-sticky-hand with wayward gummy bears and a McDonald's fry hard enough to be a shiv?
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Cyriak @cyriak.bsky.social · 22/06/2025
They need to update that "Emperor's New Clothes" story and call it "The Emperor's New Bending Over & Spraying Projectile Diarrhea at Everyone"
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Novelty Cistern @noveltycistern.bsky.social · 23/06/2025
everybody good news! i fixed it! the album cover is okay now! we can all like it, it's something everyone can agree on now
the new Sabrina Carpenter album cover where she's on the ground and an unseen man is holding her hair except now he's not holding her hair he's clutching a gyro. She is also holding a gyro, and at the top of the cover it says GYROS in the, you know. GYROS font, and it says "Hungry for Something Different? KRONOS GYROS below
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 23/06/2025
This just explained my entire existence. Thanks, I think?
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Funky Punk @grandmastersupreme.bsky.social · 19/06/2025
It blows my mind to know that there's adults who have never owned a Nokia.
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 20/06/2025
Does the pork match the fork?
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WholesomeMemes @wholesomememe.bsky.social · 19/06/2025
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 20/06/2025
Was it an artistic choice to cast only people with mild meat sweats in all the Flex Seal testimonials?
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Your Internet Friend Tom Tomorrow @tomtomorrow.bsky.social · 19/06/2025
lol unauthorized access to countertop detected
a cat footprint visible on a shiny kitchen counter
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George Takei @georgetakei.bsky.social · 16/06/2025
Utah voters: Are these really your values? Mike Lee is the best you can do?
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Zack Crass @zackcrass.bsky.social · 17/06/2025
Is adjusting the font size of my phone text before screenshotting and sharing self-care, or just my futile last stand against becoming my parents? I can post this freely; it's not in all caps so they won't see it. But neither will I.
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Avishek ghosh @avishekcolours.bsky.social · 12/05/2025
In a sad heart Size 17 by 13 inch on paper Medium oil Original available.
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Avishek ghosh @avishekcolours.bsky.social · 24/05/2025
From the cravings of cave Size 17 by 13 inch on paper Medium oil Original available
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