iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

"Do you even know what "genderqueer" even is?..." My good whatsit, not only do I know what the term means, I made a double batch of it for dinner!!

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Kill the Moors, or pose all sultry with a shield? Get you a man who can do both. ...LADIES...

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

If you're going to keep looking at me like you want to turn me into 265 pounds of hamburger, then no. No you really can't.

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

As true now as it was then. Possibly moreso.

Screenshot from an old F***book post.

Atlas Obscura Post showing a bridge seemingly in the middle of a body of water that says "At high tide this strange footbridge appears to have no purpose whatsoever"

It is quoted in a post by me that says "Hell, I appear like that all the time, You ain't special, bridge .."

My self-image has been garbage for years. That's the takeaway.

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

When I bought this shirt, it was just because it amused me. Now it's a statement about the surveillance state. I'm a dystopian prognosticator, is basically what I'm saying.

Me, wearing a t-shirt that says "Sleep Like There's Nobody Watching" You can't tell, but the ink actually glows in the dark for extra creepy-factor.

Also, there is a picture of a duck with a roll of toilet paper on its head in the background.

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

TBF, guy definitely looks exactly like the type who would say that kind of shit proudly.

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

I absolutely love that the screenshot below is how this showed up in my feed, so it looked like an honest, incredible debate.

Screenshot of two consecutive posts from my feed:

First from "KG":
"You know what's really hot and sexy?

Going to therapy even when it's hard."

The second from "mia":

"Okay but have you considered this?" with a picture of something utterly unrelated

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

I should not be left to my own devices when grocery shopping, because while I may not smoke, my brain guarantees that I will shop like I am high as fuck. These are going to either be misery or fantastic, and either way they're going to be an adventure.

A hand holding two containers of Jif-branded peanut butter flavored ramen. Not kidding. Couldn't make that up if I tried.

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Finally, a picture that illustrates today's mood, as well as a possible way to alleviate said mood.

A small toy frog looking at a lit match, bathed in its warm glow. A single word as a caption: "arson."

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

"I'm sorry baby, but my car's in the shop. Instead of driving down to Lovers' Lane, maybe we can just walk to the..."

Sign on a wall labeling a brick staircase as the "Fingering Steps"

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

I didn't want to break up the flow of Tramp Stamp jokes, but I was reminded of this, and I'm still proud of it, years later. No Ragerts, as it were.

A screenshot from an old Facebook post describing a fictional conversation between a client and a tattooist:

- "So I'm looking for a unique lower back tattoo."
-- "okay .."
- *I want it to be a cute name for me, kind of a pet-name..."
-- "... Right..."
- "... But I also want to convey my status as a diabetic."
-- "...oh, I think I can work with that."

Followed by a picture of a real tramp stamp that reads "Sweet Pee"

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

I'll never forget the pride of writing this joke review and then getting banned from being able to do any more reviews on Amazon like a month later.

Picture of an Amazon listing for a children's activity book of magic called "Big Magic for Tiny Hands" by Joshua Jay

The Review for the children's book, written as if it were from a Trump staffer.

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

Oh, god yes. Something something, magnificent bastard something. Also (this entire picture could be turned into a "this is why you're broke" lecture. Easily.):

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

Feeling lucky? SPIN THE WHEEL, RAGGEDY MAN!! (This is the second display with the salads, btw)

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

*slow, awed clap* (The fact that they had an episode that has an applicable screencap is just pure frosting...)

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

Until I hear otherwise, this is factual.

Mitch McConnell and his wife, sitting with their copy of 'The Handbook for the Recently Deceased', looking suspiciously like they escaped from Beetlejuice.

Unlike Beetlejuice, Mitch McConnell being dead seems less likely to be a work of fiction at this point.

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

Just in case it could help anyone with this absolute bastard of a week, here's ~190 lbs of "awooo" for mood-reset purposes...

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

Everywhere I look, there's always something that reminds me of her...

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

#iykyk, and are a person of distinction and taste. #GIJoe

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

I want you to know I am only replying because I have looked for the perfect use for this meme for a (REALLY) long time now, and I can't hold it back anymore. (But, bottom left)

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

OMFG... I l love Rabbi Mermanischewitz... Reminds me that I need to show of how my home office is blessed by the presence of Bungeezus...

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

Look, maybe I've never really progressed past twelve years old mentally, who's to say? I'm just pointing out that my choice of music here? Absolutely spot-on.

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

@emnicw.northsky.social BTW, I meant to tell you that this exists, but I forgot when I found the five-gallon drum of Claussens. Please forgive me my transgression...

Shop listing of Claissen kosher dill pickle stuffies/pillows in a little plush jar/bag. Because holy shit, why wouldn't you want this?

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

Thoughts? In that head? In this economy?

Big ol' derpy Cane Corso, tongue out and happy in his ignorance of the world being an utter dumpster fire

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

Sadly, this is out of stock... But imagine the joy of randomly finding it on your doorstep one day...

Yes, that is a big ol' five-gallon bucket of Claussen pickles. Sadly, it is out of stock. But it exists, and that's glorious in and of itself.

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

Oh... It could be worse... *Whimper*

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

Honestly, it's wild to look at the history of various terms, and how "heterosexuality" has only recently been used, much less seen as a norm. It's a nutty subject to deep dive into, and seeing the politics and various dogmatic bullshit get intertwined... (Image from opentextbc.ca/psychologymt...)

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

That amazing moment when you come across a sign that makes you think "dear god I want to know the entire story" and "thank jebus I don't know the entire story" at exactly the same time...

Picture of a sign in a restaurant window that reads "Due to *horrific* experiences, we no longer have a public restroom"

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 12/06/2026

Currently being held prisoner on couch by 120-lb Italian Mastiff. Send halp. Eventually. #canecorso

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 30/05/2026

The front yard is looking... Pretty good considering it's, y'know, my front yard. Minor miracle, there. Peonies, alliums, more peonies, and... Whatever-the-hell-that-is...

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 29/05/2026

Behold: the Cane Corso. Dignity personified.

Can't Corso, sleeping derpily because his tongue is too big for his mammoth cranium.

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 29/05/2026

Realizing a record is actually a concept album about the dehumanizing and isolating qualities of modern society as seen at the intersection of corporate life and live music using allusions to Jungian shadow theory is one thing. Having it be a freaking Blue Man Group joint is just 🤯

Cover for Blue Man Group's second full album release 'The Complex'

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 29/05/2026

She wasn't amused, but then, she didn't really do a lot to fight the situation either...

Black Norwegian Forest Cat with a small cup on her head, looking perturbed.

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Chris @xopherjohnson.bsky.social · 27/05/2026

Neither I nor my inner 12-year-old will ever not be proud of this.

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