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Todd Lunch

@toddlunch.bsky.social
514 followers 506 following 8.7K posts

Father was a harsh man.Tough disciplinarian. Once, he caught me smoking cigarettes. As punishment he locked me in a cupboard, & wouldn't let me out until I'd eaten the entire contents of Knowsley Safari Park. Including the gift shop. He never told me why.

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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 19h
Sorry I drank your waterbed.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 21h
Fun Fact: Koko ate every single one of those kittens.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 23h
Thanks to automation, my dream of being a dung-clad cameraman is over.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
#NationalPoetryDay
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 18/11/2025
In my day, we didn't have fancy sex gadgets like fleshlights. If we were horny, we had to fuck the Big Mouth Billy Bass singing fish.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Did one of those ancestry tests,and it turns out I'm related to my gran.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
So it turns out the Fairford thing was all perfectly innocent. They were simply there to fuck geese.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
It appears that Sunday is Top Of The Pops day for American rugby.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
"Yay! Another week of Nations League fixtures!" - Someone who drinks paint
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Mad Men fans... is it a show that grows on you, or should I be invested by the seventh episode? I'm struggling to see what's particularly interesting about it.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Reading the new Charles Spencer book, and he's given one of the characters the same surname as himself. Talk about a lack of imagination!
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Personally, I'd be fine with beer in the stands, but I do worry about the optics.
thetimes.com
Majority of football fans against drinking alcohol in stands — new poll
YouGov poll finds 64 per cent oppose Andy Burnham’s plan to reverse 41-year-old ban, while more than half think it would make the match-day experience worse
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I've been seeing a psychiatrist. The irony is, that because they're not real, the solution is almost indistinguishable from the problem.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Man City are currently checking down the back of the sofa, in order to pay the imminent ten grand fine.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
PSA - Anyone planning to watch the new Unabomber film should probably just watch Manhunt: Unabomber instead.
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Olivia Waite @oliviawaite.com · 22/09/2026
Oh my god it’s funny because it’s true — take a gander at the video and then read up: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunnes_...
en.wikipedia.org
Dunnes Stores strike - Wikipedia
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Nketiah goal incoming. #LUFC
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Njinko injured? Wasn't in the U21 squad today. #LUFC
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
We should give these far-right cressheads their own county/countries, to make a bigot utopia, on condition that if they refuse to move there, they have to stop being an openly hateful cunt. We can just wall it off and be done with them.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
With all his support acts pulling out, Ed might want to give Right Said Fred and Morrissey a call.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I'm not happy with everyone slagging Ed Sheeran off. It's just reminded me that he exists.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
He really screwed the pooch there.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Pestering the DJ to stick this banger on.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Bahoya's alreadyvregretting signing, judging by his face at full time.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Perfect opportunity to see a bit of Bahoya now. 4 nil up; a fast as fuck lad against tired legs. #LUFC
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Dominant Calvert Lewin etc.
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Reposted by Todd Lunch
honey i am a guy & i shrunk the kids @snowrespecter.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
feel bad for ed sheeran, that first ever bit of thinking can be a real shock to the system when left this late
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
[Sticks a quid on 7-2 to Newcastle] #LUFC
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Just remembered one of Bros. was in Blade, and I wonder if anyone did a Gossferatu pun.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Apparently my script is too similar to another film "except with a primate in it". At this rate I'll never get Macaque To The Future made.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Your dad thrashes himself off to doodles of Tilly Norwood.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Six goals in five games for Njinko now. #LUFC U21s.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
I've got a new job making elderly war veterans cry, for the benefit of tv documentaries.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Yesterday i got in a taxi that was driverless. Not for long though; he'd just nipped for a piss.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Crêpultura
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
IMDB has Chris Morris as a composer on Fist of Fun. Is that correct @herring1967.bsky.social ?
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
I could do with one in case anita ward off enemies.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
How do you even know the decorations in shops are for this year's Christmas? We should hold off commenting before we know all the facts.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Is there going to be any left wing mobs to give these blackshirt goblins a good kicking?
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Glimpses of us being a very good side, with some lovely intricate one touch stuff. A few last ditch toes in from Chelsea. Disappointing again to not make more of the dominance. #LUFC
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
So nobody on here likes badgers. Interesting.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Badger in the compost (alive)
Surprising badger hiding in compost bin.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Would have taken a point before the game, but Farke got lucky with trying to see out the win with 30+ minutes to go. Put us under more pressure and thankfully they wasted opportunities. Fortunate to take a point from a game we should have been well ahead in. Poor finishing and Farke cowardice. #LUFC
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Defender on the far side was playing him on, no? #LUFC
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Reposted by Todd Lunch
Daniel Tunnard @danieltunnard.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
He told me I had a cyst on my epididymis. I said "is that part of the testicles?" He said "No, there's a vas deferens between the two!"
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
I think we can safely say that nothing of real consequence will happen to Farage and co as a result of this.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Hi I'm Bernie Taupin, and you're watching Doncaster's Funniest Reservoirs.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
#LUFC Not getting another striker's like doing a lovely refurb of your house, but not bothering to fix the big hole in the roof, because it might not rain.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Gnonto in Italy. #LUFC
static.klipy.com
Grandpa Abe's Confused Exit in The Simpsons
ALT: Grandpa Abe's Confused Exit in The Simpsons
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Reposted by Todd Lunch
Justin Lewis @whenisbirths.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
We tried our very best with this in terms of marketing but (so far) we still struggled relatively to get it into shops. Do investigate if you haven’t and you’d like to, there is no other music history book quite like this one. #IntoTheGroove
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