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Todd Lunch

@toddlunch.bsky.social
520 followers 510 following 8.8K posts

Father was a harsh man.Tough disciplinarian. Once, he caught me smoking cigarettes. As punishment he locked me in a cupboard, & wouldn't let me out until I'd eaten the entire contents of Knowsley Safari Park. Including the gift shop. He never told me why.

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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Underworld, overground...
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
On the subject of Purple People Eater, the original was sang by Sheb Wooley, who is credited with the Wilhelm Scream. If you find that sort of thing interesting.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
If he'd been smart enough to live in a different house, he wouldn't be in this mess. I've no sympathy for him.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
It reminds me of this... youtu.be/kGex0kLgNok?...
youtu.be
Jam - Thick People
YouTube video by Matt Glanville
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
It's the only way of knowing what it's like, or if it still exists at all.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
On the plus side, we'll be able to see more shows where well-off people get free holidays, and things like The Great British Sneeze Off.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Of a bread continent known as Paingaea.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
* I'm a huge fan of Mr Inbetween
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Champ
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I have vast experience playing a powder, across television, theatre, and in books. Please let me know when auditions are.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Disgusting. Why has he not been arrested?
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Get non-famous people's quotes. "Breathtaking" - My proctologist. "I couldn't put it down" - Shepherd at the BP garage
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
It was nice of your aunt Pletty to bring him a spare change of clothes.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
This is quite interesting (if you're into this sort of thing), and shows its designers' 'wacky workplace', significantly ahead of its time. youtu.be/UlRyE4ru1S8?...
youtu.be
This Console was the Sh*t! | Nostalgia Nerd
YouTube video by Nostalgia Nerd
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Interestingly, this is nowhere near the most blasphemous thing you've ever said. Impressive.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I reckon you lot and your progeny would enjoy the Gibbons brothers' new comedy on BBC. It's based on the Eric Morecambe books of the same name (The Reluctant Vampire). It's family-friendly, so not really my thing, but I recommend nonetheless.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Sucking off an aardvark turned out to be very disappointing. Talk about an antyclimax.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I wouldn't stand for it.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I reckon the Mahatma's novelty song would be called Mohandas Mambo.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Ah, but do you have it on a wall to the left or right of the queue? You don't want to be seen to favour those who read from left to right, or vice versa. There'd be riots.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Those things are beneficial to open mindedness, and critical and creative thinking. That's not a good thing if you're dedpending on people voting for talentless, malevolent bullshitters.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Pffft. Not much of an amenity; you don't even get access to the vault.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
You obviously haven't seen the director's cut.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
For me, Day-Lewis is the definitive/quintessential Lincoln.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
The audience at the play should be compelled to switch seats in accordance with the music.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
How do you expect me to be productive if I can't use my drone-dildo?
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Threadwright
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Reposted by Todd Lunch
Ash @queerash.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
adding '5 British doggers' to the list of surprising defeats for the US military, alongside the IRGC, Viet Cong, and geography
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
*Buys shares in Streptomycin*
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
If you can get past how problematic House M.D is, it's still one of the funniest drama shows there's ever been.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Sexually transmitted diet.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
They don't even know what pies are.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
But who is the real sicko here?
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
My favourite bit was when someone implied Pepé Le Pew is a sex offender.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
I basically just invented a diary/journal again.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Was going to create my own echo chamber with just me in it, but because it'd be too time consuming to block/mute everyone, my new social media platform is going to be the Notepad app.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
They missed Picatto
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Toilet Time Machine. The long awaited sequel to Hot Tub etc.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Stick some poppies and Captain Tom merch on it. That'll keep em quiet.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Pope Gregory XIII is not going to like this.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
I immediately get the fear if some I haven't spoken to for a while calls out of the blue. "Who's dead now?" my mind jumps straight to.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Top Tip Create your own human Play-Doh Fun Factory, by shoving a shaped pastry cutter up your arse.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Can tell he/she means business. They've left the safety off.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Founding the wooftwaffe etc?
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
This Man City business makes me think we should go back to football's roots, with two teams battling it out in the back room of an east end pub. Where pub patrons could challenge world champions West Ham, with three bob prize money up for grabs. Blood, sweat and a right good knees-up.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
My only regret is that I have several thousand of them.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
I assume he meant every little American.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Tachyderm - A mammal with rapid skin.
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Reposted by Todd Lunch
Rob Delaney @robdelaney.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Open AI agents went rogue & hallucinated pictures of me “cumming” (ejaculating) into Pepsi cans behind a barn & then posted them in the comments sections of >500 recipe blogs/websites. I called to complain but wound up giving them my 401k.
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Todd Lunch @toddlunch.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Just found my old umbilical cord in the attic. It still fits!
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