WASHINGTON—Expressing shock and disgust that an unspeakable crime could occur at a place of higher learning, the U.S. populace was reportedly horrified this week to think that sexual assault could hap...

WASHINGTON—In a joint statement outlining the mission shared by hundreds of thousands of elderly American citizens, the nation’s 93-year-olds announced a new plan this week to crash their cars into th...

ITHACA, NY—Acknowledging serious missteps in their handling of a 2024 campus sexual assault case, administrators at Cornell University vowed Tuesday that, going forward, rapists would be forced to wri...

BUENOS AIRES—After exhausting a significant amount of his intellectual energy in a series of company launches, a creatively tapped-out Peter Thiel announced Tuesday a new startup called “Frodo, But Ev...

WASHINGTON—Marveling at how his American counterpart’s grasp of the difficult language had progressed, Chinese leader Xi Jinping told reporters Thursday that he was deeply impressed with how much Pres...

PHOENIX—Carefully noting several mistakes he’d made while typing up what would ultimately be the worst mistake of his life, local man Carson Myers spent several minutes Tuesday double-checking the car...

PORTLAND, OR—Admitting that he was completely at a loss over what he could possibly add, NSFW artist Caleb Driscoll told reporters Monday that he was struggling to improve upon the raw sexuality of th...

WASHINGTON—Reflecting on the past fling and remarking how time had flown by, local golden retriever Daisy told reporters Thursday that she could not believe the guy she hooked up with 10 years ago was...

SACRAMENTO, CA—Saying the newly instituted changes better reflected the realities of modern driving, officials at the California Department of Motor Vehicles announced Friday that they had added a hig...

WASHINGTON—Despite carefully checking and double-checking the credentials of the man who reached out to him via email, FBI director Kash Patel was reportedly phished Friday by a scammer posing as FBI ...