San Jose, CA - New Earthquakes head coach Bruce Arena announced the release of a new book that he wrote during his VOLUNTARY sabbatical from coaching titled, “If I Did It,” that doesn’t really de...

San Jose, CA - New Earthquakes head coach Bruce Arena announced the release of a new book that he wrote during his VOLUNTARY sabbatical from coaching titled, “If I Did It,” that doesn’t really de...

San Jose, CA - Disgraced former General Manager Gavin Wilkinson promised, during his introduction to the hand picked MLS media, to bring Major League abuse culture to the San Jose Earthquakes.

San Jose, CA - Disgraced former General Manager Gavin Wilkinson promised, during his introduction to the hand picked MLS media, to bring Major League abuse culture to the San Jose Earthquakes.

San Jose, CA - Disgraced former General Manager Gavin Wilkinson promised, during his introduction to the hand picked MLS media, to bring Major League abuse culture to the San Jose Earthquakes.

LOS ANGELES - New Major League Soccer (MLS) and current Los Angeles Football Club (LAFC) executive Larry Berg announced his plan to implement hydration breaks with commercials that last for 90 minutes...

LOS ANGELES - New Major League Soccer (MLS) and current Los Angeles Football Club (LAFC) executive Larry Berg announced his plan to implement hydration breaks with commercials that last for 90 minutes...

INTERNET - In light of the failure of Victory +, the National Women’s Soccer League (NWSL) announced a new streaming deal with JerryWarez420 as they talked up the future of the online marketplace.

INTERNET - In light of the failure of Victory +, the National Women’s Soccer League (NWSL) announced a new streaming deal with JerryWarez420 as they talked up the future of the online marketplace.

INTERNET - With the 2026 Men’s World Cup over, all around dumbass Alexi Lalas headed back to the Internet in order to keep ruining the day of people who missed the world cup.

INTERNET - With the 2026 Men’s World Cup over, all around dumbass Alexi Lalas headed back to the Internet in order to keep ruining the day of people who missed the world cup.

Austin, TX - Stating, “Business metrics don’t support them staying in Vancouver,” a collection of Austin FC fans took the internet to start a #MoveTheCaps campaign.

ALT: a man wearing a watch is covering his mouth

ALT: ernie from sesame street is sitting at a table eating popcorn .

Austin, TX - Stating, “Business metrics don’t support them staying in Vancouver,” a collection of Austin FC fans took the internet to start a #MoveTheCaps campaign.

Bologna, IT - An irate Joey Saputo reportedly ranted, “No new players until you figure out how to play better,” to the Montreal Impact staff as he struck back at the, “loafing freeloaders who are not ...

INTERNET - FIFA (the international money laundering syndicate) is reportedly preparing a Fallout Foursome Funpack ticket offer for the low price of $15,000 (without parking) for one 2026 World Cup gam...

INTERNET - FIFA (the international money laundering syndicate) is reportedly preparing a Fallout Foursome Funpack ticket offer for the low price of $15,000 (without parking) for one 2026 World Cup gam...

PHILADELPHIA - Union fan Ray Hewitt stated, “At least I wouldn’t have to watch the rest of the season,” as he tried to find the bright side of possible nuclear Armageddon this Tuesday.

PHILADELPHIA - Union fan Ray Hewitt stated, “At least I wouldn’t have to watch the rest of the season,” as he tried to find the bright side of possible nuclear Armageddon this Tuesday.

WASHINGTON - An Elder NWSL fan was found drunkenly relating the story Of MagicJack to a spellbound audience of zoomer soccer fans as the story of Dan Borislow’s hubris began to take shape.

WASHINGTON - DC Soccer Fan Steve Williams stated that he wasn’t certain if the $139 CryptoBananas Unobstructed View upgrade available to purchase would clash with his $179 Coca-Cola 4D World Cup Exper...

WASHINGTON - DC Soccer Fan Steve Williams stated that he wasn’t certain if the $139 CryptoBananas Unobstructed View upgrade available to purchase would clash with his $179 Coca-Cola 4D World Cup Exper...

WASHINGTON - DC Soccer Fan Steve Williams stated that he wasn’t certain if the $139 CryptoBananas Unobstructed View upgrade available to purchase would clash with his $179 Coca-Cola 4D World Cup Exper...

Atlanta, GA - The United States Men’s National Team (USMT) announced today that they will end the Portugal game that was started on the 31st of March 2026 with a 0-2 Victory as they stated, “we’ve got...

Atlanta, GA - The United States Men’s National Team (USMT) announced today that they will end the Portugal game that was started on the 31st of March 2026 with a 0-2 Victory as they stated, “we’ve got...

LOS ANGELES - God, the almighty American business god, admitted that he can’t focus on helping the poor, destitute and immigrant communities in the world until he finishes coordinating his response to...

Zurich, CH - After the final announcement was made regarding the destination of the 2026 World Cup, the Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) indicated that they hoped the World Cup...

FIFA (the international money laundering organization) announced that President Donald Trump was awarded the newly created 2026 FIFA War Prize after his air strikes, incursion and coup overnight in Ve...

Tampa, FL - Earlier this year, The Nutmeg News reported on Orlando Pride fan Heather Pulaski who was waiting for the Orlando Pride v Seattle Reign stream to resume after riding out Hurricane Irma.

Kansas City, KS - Current fan Jessica Williams stated that she was excited to start another season of trying to figure out how to watch games as the soccer fan ensured she was paid up on her subscript...