Box art is a fun thing. In the late 1990s at the height of the big game box wars especially in the US, the boxes of European releases were smaller and often of lower quality. Occasionally we paid extra for grey US imports for better box art (and sometimes uncensored versions of games like Fallout).
![[Scene is the Tudor royal court. ladies and gentlemen standing round. In the corner a very fat HENRY VIII is hunched over playing a lute.]
1
LADY:
Hey Anne Boleyn -
Who’s that lute player?
ANNE BOLEYN:
I dunno
[Determined face]
But I’m gonna find out.
[Title lettering panel]:
THIS SUMMER
[Scene is now two musicians - one with a harp, the other is Henry VIII again playing the lute]
HARPIST:
Yo Henry VIII -
Who wrote that sick lute riff yo’ jamming?
HENRY VIII:
Why...
[Looking around, modest, surprised at the attention]
I did…!
[Title lettering panel]:
SEE THE STORY
[Scene is now a tudor record producer with ruff and wearing dark sunglasses]:
PRODUCER:
Congratulations Henry
Your lute thing is a hit and your story is now one of uncomplicated musical success!
[Show a panel with lots of Beatlemania-style scenes of success for Henry the musician - swooning tudor girls, playing lute on stage, waving to fans as he descends from his golden carriage. In the middle of it in Tudor lettering are the words]:
“UNCOMPLICATED MUSICAL SUCCESS MONTAGE”.
[Another scene - a man is saying to Henry]:
MAN:
Say Henry VIII -
Are you doing anything outside this narrative that is very bad or weird?
HENRY VIII:
No.
[Title lettering panel]:
…OF A MUSICAL GENIUS
who definitely didn’t do anything outside this narrative that was very bad or weird
[Scene with Thomas Cromwell]
THOMAS CROMWELL:
Hang on Henry aren't you also a -
HENRY VIII [jumping in front of him with his lute held aloft]:
LUTE SOLO!
[Final film title panel]:
HENRY VIII:
Rock Biopic
[rated U]
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreidmilghzmgnj35twr4xvnfm5eubpcdc4xmtd5nzexe2ybcubmeu7m)
