theonion.com
CDC Successfully Eradicates Children
ATLANTA—Hailing its success as a major victory for the public health and safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Monday that it had successfully eradicated ch...
![PLEASE put this as your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by penguins. Penguins are nearly unstoppable, and when hungry, also breathe fire. 71% of people won't copy this into their status because they have already been eaten by penguins, 28% are hiding in their showers with fire extinguishers awaiting the coming penguinocalypse, another 3% can't do math, and the remaining 1% are awesome and will repost.
[photo of a fierce looking penguin, with an enormous wide open mouth with big sharp teeth]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:qb4laviqlworrglmcm3xr7a6/bafkreifsfqjfvyadcauhq7jpt7emupv7mjs6xu2mjjykkw5nagm6ymq7ai)
