iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 10h

That's called "the Hegsloth".

Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 14h

NATIVE: What do you think? SAILOR: Well I'm just a Pharmacist's Mate, not a dentist, but yeah that's an abscess. I'd suggest we lance and drain it. HER: What about me? SAILOR: I'm sorry, ma'm. Maybe if we'd caught it earlier... but I'm afraid you have Stage 4 Bette Davis Eyes.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Wow. It's rare you see a man condemn HIMSELF to Hell. 📽️

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

A dose of smack? Why don’t mind if I do! Thank you, Thing.

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Reposted by Scott Clevenger

Foul Bay Hero @foulbayhero.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

SUSAN COLLINS: I was successful in getting road salt removed from the Canada tariff list TROY JACKSON: What about everything else? We can't eat road salt

The Salt Vampire (from the Star Trek episode "The Man Trap") has views about whether one can eat road salt.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

KA’A’NGA: Ha! I TOLD you it wasn’t a real gorilla! HER: Why—it’s Old Man McGinty, who owns the abandoned jungle trading post! MCGINTY: And I would’a got away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling copyright infringements!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

True, but that stuff can be hard to find on the spur of the moment, which is why I confine my illicit assignations to dairy barns.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

From boxcars to Hoovervilles, she healed the hobos and was paid in beans!

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Reposted by Scott Clevenger

Movies Silently @moviessilently.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

(Reads about an influencer drinking radium water) STOP MAKING MY HISTORICAL RESEARCH PERIOD CURRENT EVENTS

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Richard Burton’s crotch is giving me vertigo.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Today's Special: Human dental remains in aspic! These "Teeth Titties" are just like Mom used to make, assuming Mom was a thrifty serial killer who didn't like to let her trophies go to waste.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

🎶 We don't talk about Julie, no, no, no 🎶 because if we do she'll follow us (for the third time today)

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

dammit! I KNEW I wasn't gonna get away with that...

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Since each requires learning how to expertly tie a variety of knots, I imagine there's a lot of overlap between the Bondage and Boy Scout communities.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

(SOBBING QUIETLY TO HERSELF) Fine! Go on you little tramp, STEAL my man! I have no time for love anyway, because I'm NURSE OF THE NORTH WOODS, and somewhere out in the vast wilderness, there's a spotted owl who needs an enema.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

A mighty angel said "Woe betide he who breaketh the Seventh Seal, for the Apocalypse shall be upon thee!" And yet he popped the top, and yea there was much gnashing of teeth and lamentations from the people, for their only beverage option was clam juice. (Revelations 5:1-3)

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

"Oi, hear me out. What if we make fruit cake, but instead of cake it's, uh...I dunno...a loaf of bread? An' then we...I dunno...dump some cumin on it?" "Genius, mate! I think this is the one that's gonna finally earn Australian gastronomy the respect it deserves!"

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

It was foretold that in Britain's darkest hour, King Arthur would awake and return from Avalon. Unfortunately, he got turned around and came ashore on Lake Arthur near Pittsburgh, where the terrified Yinzers greeted him with a barrage of Utz Cheese Balls.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

HIM: Here for the audition? HER: Yep. Escape act HIM: OK boys let's rehearse it again. Bob, REALLY lay it on with that blackjack! Jim, at least TRY to shoot me in the face, ok? And Jack--I dunno--bite my love handle. HER: Say! Whaddya call that act? HIM: The Aristocrats!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

THIS season of The Hot Ones is the HOTTEST ONE ever!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I remember both (and agree, it's kind of a push), but does anyone else remember the even earlier anti-smoking ads that closed with the slogan, "Like father, like son? Think about it..."

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

After the revenue stream from their Direct-to-Video movies dried up, the Olson Twins became stylish, trend-setting contract killers, and looked fabulous doing it. Unfortunately, the police got wise when the girls began posing for red carpet photographers at the murder scenes.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

from your mathematical elimination to your last losing play

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Spam as a 2nd Language: "Now is the time of the anorak jacket!" Man, Tolkien couldn't even go to the hall closet without making a big goddamn deal out of it.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

"I'm NOT giving up, Roger! I know we can do this." "But last time--" “Don't fixate on past mistakes! Yes, last time we both slipped in your premature emissions and you got a concussion and I dislocated my thumb, but THIS time…We love!"

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I'm usually against it, but I could support the death penalty for AOL. (I still hear that weird muffled YOU HAVE MAIL! voice in my nightmares)

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

ANCHOR: Welcome back to CNN. We're talking public health policy with Tad Winker, GOP strategist and spokesperson for the think tank VaccinesRObscene. Representing the CDC, is this brochure from 2019 I found on the Internet. Let's start with Tad. TAD: Monkeypox is a HOOOAX!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Even if it's the same sweater vest he wears to fight crime AND conduct the local Swing Choir...?

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

DOC: Honey? I found what was clogging up the rain gutters. I think it belongs to the kids next door...Hey! Boys! Is this your Realdoll®? BOYS: (OFF PANEL) Oh! Yeah! Thanks, Doc, we lost it up there last summer.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

One must imagine Sisyphus as a lifestyle columnist.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Well he *thought* they were gonna be hunting did-dik and was just trying to fit in

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

MAN#1: Oh crap! The Rainforest Cafe has really UPPED ITS AMBIENCE! MAN#2: Here try this elephant gun. Got it at the Gift Shop. MAN#3: Check please!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

HER: It's a GHOST TABLE! HIM: You mean the ghost of a dead...table? HER: We're in spiritual contact. It says in life its name was...Broyhill. HIM: Why is it haunting my parlor? HER: You wronged Broyhill when you severely undervalued him on the Price is Right showcase showdown.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Well, put a tiger in your tank and see what happens.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

HER: Well yes, but not bludgeoned to *death*. Sure, I took a few hammer blows to the scalp, but that's just the price you pay for beauty. You want genuine helmet hair, you don't go to a hairdresser, you go to a blacksmith.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

"We'll be back in two minutes and two months."

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Hippolyta realized too late that even she, the Queen, was not immune to destiny, for the gods would have their vengeance. Thus was she cursed to suffer the same fate as all the other Tall, Topless Amazons of Themiscyra, and fall in love with her own ventriloquist figure.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

MAN: I am Dr. Strange, MASTER of the Mystic Arts! WOMAN: Oh, sorry, wrong office. I'm looking for the podiatrist in Suite 204. MAN: I call upon the Seven Suns of Cinnibon to HEAL this woman’s unsightly Plantar Wart! [KRA-KA-THOOM!] WOMAN: Oh. Hey, thanks! Do you validate?

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Might have been to me. Unfiltered Chesterfields were all I smoked, and finding them (at least in the 80s) wasn't easy.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

All These Dead People Smoked Chesterfield. Shouldn’t You?

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

HIM: I've only got one shot left! HER: Then make it count! Shoot him in the groin! No man can take a shot to the, uh...y'know...sex toy area. HIM: But he's NOT a man! And I don't think he even HAS a sex toy area-- HIM: LOOK at him, Bob! He's ALL sex toy! Now SHOOT! (PEW!) ROBOT: Ow! Unfair!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Whenever I blot grease from pizza with a paper towel I like to pretend I'm Warner Baxter tenderly dabbing sweat from the brows of Yellow Fever victims in The Prisoner of Shark Island because I know for a fact that's not weird.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

The star of NBC's ill-fated 1967 spin-off series, “The Duck from U.N.C.L.E.” (seen here uttering his wildly unpopular catchphrase, "Open Channel D...for DUCK!")

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Perhaps they drew the wrong lessons from their demonstrated ability to draw flies

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