iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 7h

THIS season of The Hot Ones is the HOTTEST ONE ever!

Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 13h

After the revenue stream from their Direct-to-Video movies dried up, the Olson Twins became stylish, trend-setting contract killers, and looked fabulous doing it. Unfortunately, the police got wise when the girls began posing for red carpet photographers at the murder scenes.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Spam as a 2nd Language: "Now is the time of the anorak jacket!" Man, Tolkien couldn't even go to the hall closet without making a big goddamn deal out of it.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

"I'm NOT giving up, Roger! I know we can do this." "But last time--" “Don't fixate on past mistakes! Yes, last time we both slipped in your premature emissions and you got a concussion and I dislocated my thumb, but THIS time…We love!"

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

ANCHOR: Welcome back to CNN. We're talking public health policy with Tad Winker, GOP strategist and spokesperson for the think tank VaccinesRObscene. Representing the CDC, is this brochure from 2019 I found on the Internet. Let's start with Tad. TAD: Monkeypox is a HOOOAX!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

DOC: Honey? I found what was clogging up the rain gutters. I think it belongs to the kids next door...Hey! Boys! Is this your Realdoll®? BOYS: (OFF PANEL) Oh! Yeah! Thanks, Doc, we lost it up there last summer.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

One must imagine Sisyphus as a lifestyle columnist.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

MAN#1: Oh crap! The Rainforest Cafe has really UPPED ITS AMBIENCE! MAN#2: Here try this elephant gun. Got it at the Gift Shop. MAN#3: Check please!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

HER: It's a GHOST TABLE! HIM: You mean the ghost of a dead...table? HER: We're in spiritual contact. It says in life its name was...Broyhill. HIM: Why is it haunting my parlor? HER: You wronged Broyhill when you severely undervalued him on the Price is Right showcase showdown.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

HER: Well yes, but not bludgeoned to *death*. Sure, I took a few hammer blows to the scalp, but that's just the price you pay for beauty. You want genuine helmet hair, you don't go to a hairdresser, you go to a blacksmith.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Hippolyta realized too late that even she, the Queen, was not immune to destiny, for the gods would have their vengeance. Thus was she cursed to suffer the same fate as all the other Tall, Topless Amazons of Themiscyra, and fall in love with her own ventriloquist figure.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

MAN: I am Dr. Strange, MASTER of the Mystic Arts! WOMAN: Oh, sorry, wrong office. I'm looking for the podiatrist in Suite 204. MAN: I call upon the Seven Suns of Cinnibon to HEAL this woman’s unsightly Plantar Wart! [KRA-KA-THOOM!] WOMAN: Oh. Hey, thanks! Do you validate?

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

All These Dead People Smoked Chesterfield. Shouldn’t You?

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

HIM: I've only got one shot left! HER: Then make it count! Shoot him in the groin! No man can take a shot to the, uh...y'know...sex toy area. HIM: But he's NOT a man! And I don't think he even HAS a sex toy area-- HIM: LOOK at him, Bob! He's ALL sex toy! Now SHOOT! (PEW!) ROBOT: Ow! Unfair!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Whenever I blot grease from pizza with a paper towel I like to pretend I'm Warner Baxter tenderly dabbing sweat from the brows of Yellow Fever victims in The Prisoner of Shark Island because I know for a fact that's not weird.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

The star of NBC's ill-fated 1967 spin-off series, “The Duck from U.N.C.L.E.” (seen here uttering his wildly unpopular catchphrase, "Open Channel D...for DUCK!")

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

“Holy fucking SHIT! Glorg, what did you DO?!" “I don’t know, I don’t KNOW! Don’t YELL at me! I got 32 fingers, I might’a accidentally pressed an extra button…!”

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

The Brides from DRACULA (1931) BRIDE1: Debbie! Quit stepping on my train! BRIDE2: Well you stepped on mine! BRIDE3: I think mine's snagged on a carpet tack. BRIDE1: This is a stupid way to clean the floor. Why don't we all just chip in on a Swiffer?

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Reposted by Scott Clevenger

The Mouthy Renegade Writer @mouthyrenegade.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

I wish everyone could use the same voices with each other that we use when talking to our dogs.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Time for another thrilling episode of ROCKY JONES, SPACE DENTIST! This week, Dr. Jones takes on advancing aliens and receding gums in "Don't Invite Us to Your Gingivitis!"

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Don Vito says "Snitches get stitches." But Anita says, "HA! Yer goin' SOFT, old man! I say Rats get GATS!"

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

If I'm seeing this, it's possible I don't NEED more liquor.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

ANNOUNCER: Headache pain is like a small army of imps, crawling all over you. Bugging you. Strangling you. And jostling your aim when all you want to do is laser those guys to death so you can go home and flake out in front of the TV with a glass of white zin and a Lean Cuisine.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

🎶That's life (That's life!) That's what all the people say You got skin in April Boney-faced in May! 🎶

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

"All right. I call this meeting of the Ghost Killers of Skull River to ord--hang on, there's a ghost--[BLAM!]--to order..."

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Getting bored with Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I'm introducing Talk Like T.S. Eliot as a Pirate Day: "Avast wasteland! I shall wear the bottoms of me trousers rolled -- over me pegleg!"

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

The St. Louis Cardinals organization held an open casting call for its mascot, Fredbird yesterday afternoon, but the event quickly devolved into chaos after an unexpected case of love at first sight inspired one contestant to suddenly elope with the judge.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

HER: OHHH, so THAT'S what happened! When I heard all that crinkling noise I thought you were down here snitching some of my Werther's Originals, but I see it was just Assassins in Cellophane.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

“Licking the Jitters didn’t work? Fine. Thanks to my many convenient, labor-saving appliances, I’ll crank up the dial and SUCK the Jitters!”

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Okay, this is way too existential a question to be asked by a fucking cake mix.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

The cocktail shaker was the Shake Weight® of it's day!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Is this a threat? I feel like this is a threat...

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

HIM: Hello, I'm Chad and this is Heather. HER: Hi! HIM: Thanks for coming to our Cultural Appropriation seminar. This morning we'll be fusing two distinct cultures--Cowboys and Mayans--into an incoherent whole. HER: And then after lunch we'll combine Lapland Reindeer Herding with a Tiki bar!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

I don’t care *what* flavor it is, unless he’s a masochist no man wants a nut blast. I mean, sometimes you get one anyway, but in cases like that you just take a few deep breaths, wait’ll the nausea passes, and submit the footage to America’s Funniest Home Videos.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

ULTRAMAN: Say, is that a jagged outcrop, or are you just glad to see me? Heh, heh, heh--AUGH! You're glad to see me! You're WAY TOO GLAD to see me...!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

HER: Now, you filthy degenerate, you shall feel the LASHING WRATH of the KUTE KLUX KLAN!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

YODA: Hard, or not hard. There is no tryhard. LUKE: That's what *she* said.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

What to do when your partner suddenly starts to choke while tangoing to “Hernando’s Hideaway.”

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Hoo boy. Mentally speaking, I'm gonna need a looong on-ramp to get up to freeway speed this morning.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Life in the Limbo of Lesbianism Kept Chris Crazy for Cooters!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

HER: For God's sake, Ted! I'm about to be devoured by a pack of wild boars, so you really don't need to TIP TOE to my rescue like you're in a goddamn music hall pantomime!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

She Loved A Rotting Corpse! The True Story Behind the Elaine Chao-Mitch McConnell romance!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

JESSICA 6: All right, let's assuage this meaningless existence with some anonymous and meaningless se--Oh. Uh...Oh dear. This is a bit awkward, but -- it's not you, it's me! -- but, uh...I wouldn't have gotten off the transporter if I'd known you were wearing a muumuu.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

From the makers of Hungry Man dinners comes the only frozen, ready-to-eat meals that can satisfy the big top cravings of a clown! Hungry Ones contain savory chunks of Children Who Died in Fear, bits of real Teen Runaways Whose Sins Caught Up to Them, and not a speck of cereal!

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

GOPers crashed Grindr again cuz there ARE right wing gays, but they’re so far in the closet Aslan has begun complaining about his personal space. And then they showed a thirst trap of Hasan Piker & his Six-Pike, because apparently, in "Big D, little A, double L, A, S" they never got past the Big D.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

Traffic is backed up on the slough this morning. You may want to take an alternate route.

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Scott Clevenger @scottclevenger.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

WENDY DARLING'S WEDDING NIGHT CONFESSION: "I Perved Out with Peter Pan's Shadow!" How Lost Boy Lost His Virginity! Exclusive Photos! Page 3!

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