God can’t be on the side of these ignorant fools, who kidnap children and blow up high schools.

I’m glad I’m not the Pope/That job is too high stress/Everybody’s watching him/And he has to wear a dress

An on-camera napper/A human-rights zapper/A Constitution crapper/A tiresome yapper

It was a Hillbilly secret/Until someone released it/Now it’s a threat/And they have to police it

They always look forward/‘Cause all systems are go/To postpone the finale/Of their one-act show

I recognize your voice/But I can’t place the face/Please let me be/While I’m aging in place

She auditioned for “Swan Lake” but the Bolshoi said “no way.”

They want it stopped/They labeled the risk systemic/The say the danger’s existential/That it’s worse than the pandemic

Things were tense down at the factory/What with the robots and A.I.

Please hold on tight as we fade to black/I’ll hold on tight as we fade to black

All that gold can’t hide the rot inside.

Pray, hope, work, and vote!

This is allegedly a recording from what would be the bankrupt genius inventor-slash-blues legend’s final tour. Shortly after the tour ended, he perished in Aruba when his jet-ski exploded.

His name’s been on your tongue and his stick’s been in your drinks

Lost my phone, but found my calling/Lost my balance/I’m still falling

Lost my way, then I found the Lord/I lost interest, I got bored

We don’t need no ballroom/We don’t need no arch/Someday they’ll be/A gold-plated funeral to watch

If only I’d been greedier/If I’d hired a patent attorney/I wouldn’t be sitting in this empty bar/At the end of my sad journey

Trout, catfish, and dolphins/Sturgeon, perch, and crappies/Never have to hold it in/That’s why they’re always happy

God created flatulence/God created phlegm/We would not be human/If not for Him or them

God created you, God created me/God created our engagement ring and your Dad’s prosthetic knee

You haven’t said you loved me yet, so the world can’t end tonight

You haven’t said you loved me yet, so the world can’t end tonight

I waited at the stage door/But the cast refused to see me/I was lurking at the bar/While they smiled and sipped martinis

Kristi gave us a quota/What I did was righteous/That day in Minnesota

We don’t need a relationship mechanic/Let’s make the most of our fluid dynamic

You got more backbone than you know/Find your own direction and go/Don’t be a dead fish that goes with the flow

It’s not like she froze them on Mount Everest, she just needs to get some rest

My boss is 25/She has many colorful tattoos/It’s occurred to me/That I shoulda got a few

Too many awful people/Not like you and me/Too many awful people/Destroying our country

You stink so bad/Even your wife can’t take it/She wants to flee/But she’s learned to fake it

Your sleepy king is dead inside

He was a late bloomer/A grumpy doom and gloomer/He liked to go it alone/He rarely answered his phone

Coma coma coma coma toes/Sometimes require amputation/Coma coma coma coma toes/My baby just needs a long vacation

Summer is indeed winding down! Listen again before it’s too late!

A rousing and even more ridiculous version of the classic track!

All the rockers/All the rising stars/All the kneelers in the pews/All the drinkers in the bars

You got more power than you know/You gotta head in your own direction/Or be a dead fish That goes with the flow

We are miracles of genetics and chance. What if mom and dad hadn’t met at that dance?

Dad escaped from memory care/ While Mom was cruising the Bahamas/He showed up in the Lego Store/In his slippers and pajamas

Our country’s on a downward slide/The Supreme majority is on his side/They don’t care that his brain is fried/We wake up hoping that he died

You woke up feeling guilty, but conveniently failed to mention your plan to fill a U-Haul and sell all of my possessions