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David J Prokopetz

@prokopetz.bsky.social
9.5K followers 355 following 5.1K posts

Main site at prokopetz.net

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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 4h
You'd think the history of medieval clowning is the one area fantasy authors would be interested in exploring, given how many of them are clowns themselves, but nope – just a solid wall of this guy:
Photograph of the painting "Stańczyk w czasie balu na dworze królowej Bony wobec straconego Smoleńska" (trans: "Stańczyk during a ball at the court of Queen Bona in the face of the loss of Smolensk") by artist Jan Matejko. The jester Stańczyk is depicted sitting in a high-backed wooden chair with a deeply troubled expression on his face, while an opulent party carries on in the background. Taken together with the title, the painting suggests that the jester is the only member of the court who understands the gravity of what has just occurred.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 4h
One of my favourite recurring examples of "generically medieval" fantasy's tendency to jump directly from Antiquity to the Early Modern era and skip the actual medieval period entirely is the ubiquity of a VERY SPECIFICALLY 16th C image of the court jester. Jingling fucks as far as the eye can see.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 14h
Going through the replies on my recent posts and deleting all the comments from people with shit reading comprehension is genuinely therapeutic for me.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 15h
NES-style metroidvania with modern QoL features like customisable map pins, except for the sake of authenticity it gives you a "password" that's really a base-64 encoding of the game state that you have to write down rather than save files, so the more map pins you place the longer your password is.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 15h
Indie video game self-descriptions banging on about dopamine is the TRY NOT TO CUM of farming sims.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 16h
I understand some folks would prefer that each area have a punchier central hook rather than spending ages hypnotically wandering through a bunch of subtle variations, but it's not really a FLAW that the OST of the Castlevania game that's set in Paris takes its cues from French techno.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 16h
I really love what "Belmont's Curse" demo is doing with the music. The track for the Paris Streets hub area is like fifteen minutes long and explores nearly as many variations. I hope every single track in the full game is like that.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 17h
Most humans don't really get gnomish free use kink because they still won't let you hit it unless you solve their riddles three, but, like, they're really easy riddles.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 18h
(Doubly so if the person being so replied to has she/her pronouns in her bio because this is also a common behaviour of men speaking to women in all mediums ever.)
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 18h
It's hard to tell who's a bot and who's not because comments that repeat your own post back to you phrased like they're introducing new information is a common bot behaviour, but it's also a common behaviour of real humans who didn't bother to read the post they're replying to.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Screenshot of Tumblr tags from user @everyones-beau, reading:

#you defeat it and it yells 'this isnt the end of me!' and starts laughing at its own joke almost too hard to actually run away
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Reposted by David J Prokopetz
Lisandra brave @lisandrabrave.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Even if it is the butt of the joke?
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
It thinks posterior-related puns are hilarious.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Weird dragons #137: The Long Wyrm. It's about a metre thick and longer than you can imagine. Maybe not INFINITELY long, because it's not omnipresent, but if you follow the length of its body you'll just keep finding more dragon. Its front end can show up anywhere, but nobody has ever seen the back.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I know it's unlikely such a major writing decision was made in response to fandom discourse, but the fact that Noelle will straight up murder-suicide Kris if you try to back out of the Weird Route in Chapter 5 feels like a pointed commentary on certain characterisations of their relationship.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
That we know of.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
"But the aerial controls will make the platforming too easy, Castlevana is supposed to be about falling into pits and dying", they say, as the trailers show us Rose doing precision platforming bullshit that looks like something out of a Celeste B-side.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
I agree that "Belmont's Curse" feels like it's going to have a different focus from past Castlevania games based on the demo, but seeing some of the negative reactions gets me a little bit. Oh no, a Castlevania that has a clear vision of what its platforming is about. Is your burger too juicy, too?
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
There's a secret 2nd Earth on the far side of the Sun where all the stuff folks who believe in the Mandela Effect have misremembered is actually true, but oddly, no Mandela Effect truthers are from there. That their faulty memory exactly matches Counter-Earth's reality is just a weird coincidence.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
The current explanatory preamble to this table, for the curious:
Random Location Events

To generate a current event for a location, draw or roll twice on the Random Location Events table and combine both entries in whatever manner seems most fitting. Whenever possible, the entries should be causally linked. For example:

* "An expected person or group has failed to show up" and "the God-eaters are mistaken for someone else" might mean a God-eater is mistaken for the missing party.

* "A curse, haunting, or weird malfunction has appeared" and "milieu-appropriate wildlife has gotten into something" might mean the errant creature is causing the malfunction.

* "The God-eaters' arrival has interrupted something" and "violence breaks out just as the God-eaters arrive" might mean the interruption sparks a violent misunderstanding.

* "A procedural or bureaucratic obstruction has arisen" and "an odd trail or clue points deeper into the location" might mean the obstruction is, itself, the clue; why does that rule exist?

* "Something of value has been stolen or mislaid" and "an unwanted item has appeared or been delivered" might mean the latter has mistakenly been delivered in place of the former.

In most cases, a given pair of entries will admit multiple interpretations. For example, "ordinarily closed areas appear to be unguarded" plus "security, surveillance, or general anxiety is elevated" might mean that an alert in one area has diverted attention and created an opportunity elsewhere – or it might mean that the apparent opening is a trap. "A noisy argument, wager, or competition is afoot" plus "negotiations between hostile parties are taking place" might mean that the negotiations concern the terms a wager; or, conversely, that a wager has been proposed as a means of resolving the negotiation.

[begin sidebar] In GMful play, opening the floor to the players to help brainstorm how to apply a particular set of outcomes on this table to the situation in hand is recommended. [end sidebar]
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Looking at it in the morning with fresh eyes, I might swap "Something has gone awry, with evidence of sabotage" with "Evidence of sabotage to some critical process is found". Sharpen it up a bit and avoid burying the lede!
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
And the entry that's missing from the ALT text, since Bluesky's ALT text character limit stubbornly remains exactly one line too short to accommodate a full page of text: 66 The God-eaters are mistaken for someone else.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I swear this was the single most challenging table to write in the whole book. Thirty-six location-neutral random events where every entry is pick-two-and-combine compatible with every other in at least potentially interesting ways AND they all have to fit on one line apiece? What Fun We Have Had.
A d66 table captioned "Random Location Events":

11 Something is broken, leaking, or slightly on fire.
12 One of the NPCs present is not supposed to be here.
13 Something of value has been stolen or mislaid.
14 Preparations are underway to mark a special occasion.
15 An expected person or group has failed to show up.
16 Direct access to (part of) the location is blocked off.
21 The location is undergoing cleanup, renovation or repair.
22 A noisy argument, wager, or competition is afoot.
23 The God-eaters' arrival has interrupted something.
24 A crowd has gathered to witness an unusual spectacle.
25 Something normally abundant is unexpectedly scarce.
26 A trap, ambush, or surprise party lies in wait.
31 The location has been besieged, invaded, or occupied.
32 A procedural or bureaucratic obstruction has arisen.
33 Something has gone awry, with evidence of sabotage.
34 A curse, haunting, or weird malfunction has appeared.
35 Milieu-appropriate wildlife has gotten into something.
36 A local rule, custom, or superstition has been violated.
41 Those present are ignoring a seemingly obvious danger.
42 A critical cutoff, quota, or deadline is approaching.
43 Violence breaks out just as the God-eaters arrive.
44 An odd trail or clue points deeper into the location.
45 Negotiations between hostile parties are taking place.
46 An unwanted item has appeared or been delivered.
51 The aftermath of some recent commotion is everywhere.
52 A mundane task has encountered bizarre complications.
53 Someone has broken a contract, deal, or arrangement.
54 An absent NPC has left something important behind.
55 The location's occupants are mourning a recent loss.
56 A crime, conspiracy, or secret exchange is in progress.
61 Ordinarily closed areas appear to be unguarded.
62 An unfair demand or ultimatum has been presented.
63 Something is emitting an obnoxious noise or smell.
64 Outside forces threatens the location's destruction.
65 Security, surveillance, or general anxiety is elevated.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
If I wasn't already busy with crowdfunding fulfillment for a different project I would 100% be writing an OSR game with a bunch of big stupid d66 tables exploring this premise as we speak.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
(Also a decent one to look up if you've caught that knight-and-prince[ss] kink that's been going around lately, since "every player takes on the roles of multiple characters, including their titular Prince [gender neutral] and at least one telepathically bonded Knight" is a core conceit.)
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Getting Tiffany Problemed in my Ancient Greek themed adventure because I accurately depicted the columns as being stabilised with iron dowels, but my players saw metal rods sticking out of the broken marble and interpreted it as evidence that they were fake ruins built by aliens.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
That's what prompted this remark, yes, but I'm aware of the practice from prior personal experience – I work in enterprise web development.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
It's not nearly so PvP-focused as "Dallas" is (ironically, given its premise!), but that's probably a necessary concession to long-term group playability when so many of the available conflict resolution options are terminal.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
As an aside, if your interest was piqued by that thread about the licensed "Dallas" RPG, but you'd prefer killing people with knives to be better supported, a modern game that's playing in approximately the same ballpark is "The Devil City & its 77 Vicious Princes": dukerino.itch.io/vicious-prin...
dukerino.itch.io
The Devil City & its 77 Vicious Princes by Dukerino
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Well, yes, but we also treat people like they're being ridiculous if they act like a piece of media has failed to make good on a promised straight romance *just because* two hot people of opposite genders stood next to each other, so let's at least be even-handed here.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Queerbaiting is of course a real and present problem in popular media, but every so often you've gotta take a step back and seriously ask "okay, am I being queerbaited here, or is this just two hot people of the same gender standing next to each other?"
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Redoing D&D's playable species so that instead of having "races" you just pick a standard monster type (Construct, Elemental, Fey, Humanoid, Undead, etc.) and roll or choose from a list of type-appropriate features. Owing to how the type feature tables are laid out, orcs are now plants.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
We're in here quibbling about community standards regarding the #nsfw tag while major online advertising networks are out there defining all depictions of fat people regardless of context as "adult content" because their clients don't want their products displayed next to a fat person.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
In spite of being a game published in 1980 by a company best known for tabletop war games, an accurate retroclone of "Dallas: The Television Role-Playing Game" would probably read more like some sort of post-Forge thing than anything we'd conventionally think of as "old school".
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
For the unfamiliar, the joke here is the "Dallas" RPG was decades ahead of its time in many respects, including making players responsible for playing allied NPCs, session scripting, rudimentary "social combat", and a genuinely fascinating approach to baking gender roles into the framework of play.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
My cat just started doing very insistent "come with me" calls, led me all the way across the house *to fetch the other cat*, then led both of us back to their food bowls because apparently she didn't want to eat alone.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
This isn't hypothetical. I've literally met the guy I'm describing. I've met *multiple unconnected instances* of the guy I'm describing.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
For the uninitiated, imagine a guy who agrees to join a game about teenage goths in present-day suburbia, immediately flips their shit when informed their character must also be a teenage goth from present-day suburbia, then when you find out what they ACTUALLY want to play, it's a half-elf druid.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Guy who's like "I can't play scenarios with pregens, I can't play systems that impose restrictions on my creative freedom, if you don't let me play literally any character I want you're gatekeeping me", then the product of that unfettered freedom is always a rigorously core-book-legal D&D character.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
While some purists restrict the "OSR" label to games emulating OD&D and/or Mentzer Basic, others consider anything from the hobby's first decade fair game; thus, having first been published only six years after OD&D, under the broader definition you could technically write an OSR game based on this:
The cover of "Dallas: The Television Roleplaying Game", a licensed RPG based on the 1978 American prime time soap opera of the same name. The cover depicts Larry Hagman in the role of J R Ewing, dressed in a business suit and a large cowboy hat, surrounded by inset photos of the remainder of the show's principal cast. The cover's promotional blurb reads "All the drama and power, the wheeling and dealing, the loves and lives of TV's greatest family are yours to enact in this fun-filled, fast-playing game."
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
As modes of locomotion, "scurry", "skitter", "scutter" and "scuttle" all describe essentially identical activities, but they connote very different things about the creature so acting. I cannot articulate what that difference is, but I'll know at a glance whether a writer has picked the wrong one.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
If you're only familiar with the franchise via its surviving legacy of holiday specials and Snoopy merch, it may not be apparent to you how many strips were just Charlie Brown saying something that would get an adult red-flagged for potential suicidal ideation, and, like, that was the joke.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
"Did OD&D involve a lot of underwater combat" if the assumption you're operating on is that the page count devoted to a particular activity had any relationship whatsoever with the frequency with which that activity was expected to be encountered in play, I'm afraid you don't understand OD&D at all.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
In spite of being of the correct generation to have grown up while "Peanuts" was still in active publication, it's always a little surreal to be reminded that the most popular comic strip in the English-speaking world for fifty solid years was about an eight-year-old with clinical depression.
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Reposted by David J Prokopetz
🎃Farmer GaddAAAHH!!!!🎃 @farmergadda.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Anyone claiming their osr houserules are the one true way are liars and charlatans UNLESS they dedicate a full page to being really autistic about polearms for no good reason, then they can talk.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
A lot of OSR dungeon crawlers claim to be the true heirs to OD&D, but you can tell they're posers because not one of them has an entire chapter inexplicably devoted to underwater combat.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Having finally seen "Coyote vs. Acme", I'm wondering how finished it really was when it got canned. In some scenes the CGI is a near-perfect emulation of the old 2D style, and in others it reads more like a video game cutscene, and there's not a lot of rhyme or reason to which scenes those are.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Y'all, it... it wasn't supposed to be a death game. Nobody told you to do *any* of that. You were supposed to go on a magical adventure and learn a lesson about setting aside your differences to overcome adversity. Where did you get the guns? HOW did you get the guns?
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Putting your philosophy degree to good use consulting for web fiction authors by writing in-character monologues explaining why the lead's actions were actually 100% ethically correct, like the people who fill in the [technobabble goes here] spots writers leave in "Star Trek" scripts.
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David J Prokopetz @prokopetz.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Wrong era of aviation entirely – they're not interchangeable.
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