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probablyRob

@probably-rob.bsky.social
1.6K followers 658 following 2.5K posts

I only post here because I was banned on the Jeremy Renner app™️

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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 1h
"EVERY SINGLE J6 INSURRECTIONIST HOLDING PUBLIC OFFICE IN AMERICA IS A TROJAN HORSE AND A THREAT TO BOTH NATIONAL SECURITY AND OUR REPUBLIC"
A supposed quote from Nancy Mace seen on Facebook.

"EVERY SINGLE MUSLIM HOLDING PUBLIC OFFICE IN AMERICA IS A TROJAN HORSE AND A THREAT TO BOTH NATIONAL SECURITY AND OUR REPUBLIC"
NANCY MACE

The picture is of Nancy Mace, and Congresswoman Ilhan Omar
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 19h
Whether they implement any of these plans or not, just having a meeting with a convicted felon (actually that’s a convicted felon meeting with a convicted felon) to discuss rigging the election is an impeachable offense
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 19h
Unfortunately number one is “eat a diet of low carb, high protein crickets” and I just don’t want to live enough for that
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 21h
How I arrived on Bluesky
static.klipy.com
Kitten in Harness Falls Over
Alt: A cat flopping over
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Reposted by probablyRob
toilet bones @toiletbones.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Found the email I sent when I got accidentally added to the faculty listserv of an orthopedic surgery clinic and nobody would remove me so I sent this email to all faculty/staff/med students and they removed me almost immediately
Hello Bone Colleagues, 
I have invented a new type of ankle and I'm very excited to show it to you. Early raccoon trials suggest a 60% increase in scurrying speed and dramatic increases in fine motor banditry. I know we are not supposed to create super raccoons, but I think you'll change your mind and professional ethics when you see how cute they are. I believe we are on the cusp of a new era in advanced human scurrying because if medical science has taught me anything, it's that improvements in raccoons correspond 1:1 to improvements in humans. 

--
[My name]
Chief Bone Inventor
Chair, Department of Foot and Leg Innovation
Lord Mayor, Musculoskeletal Medicine 
Hartford HealthCare,
The Bone & Joint Institute at Hartford Hospital.
189112643068
probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Me with mouth full of road salt: Troy Jakshun just wost my vote!
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
That’s assuming you survive all the computer viruses
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Screenshot of a post by me:

ZomBean says “Panic! At the Drive-thru”

Me when Chick-fil-A is out of waffle fries:
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
On tour with the Luddites
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I feel pretty confident that Pete Hegseth is the only one stupid enough enough to win the GOP nomination
Pete Hegseth looking like he came straight out of Starship Troopers
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Reposted by probablyRob
Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
cop: license and registration please me: (hands him uno reverse card) license and registration please cop: ah man
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
static.klipy.com
Mariah Carey Sings 'Hero'
Alt: Mariah Carey Sings 'And then a hero comes along’
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Mom: Remember if a stranger tries to pick you up and carry you away just go limp. Kid:
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE POOR GOLFERS?
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Me when Chick-fil-A is out of waffle fries:
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
and their teeth were like the teeth of lions.”
Purple minions with sharp teeth
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
“They had hair like the hair of women…
Minions dressed up like women including wigs
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Ok but I really need to hear the Pope’s thoughts on this: “The appearance of the locusts was like horses prepared for battle; and on their heads appeared to be crowns like gold, and their faces were like the faces of men.” ‭‭Revelation‬ ‭9‬
Minions dressed in armor for battle
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
The things we do for family!
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Your mom makes you brush Bigfoot’s teeth? That’s just wrong!
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Bill Paxton voice: DEBRIS!
static.klipy.com
Twister: Flying Cow Tornado Scene
Alt: Twister: Flying Cow Tornado Scene
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Campaign Manager: Can we find a picture of him that doesn’t look like a smirking Bond villain? Staffer: We spent 10 hours at the photo shoot yesterday and this is the best one. Campaign Manager: * sigh * Send it.
An ad for Ken Paxton, featuring him smirking like some kind of gremlin. The text reads “Ken Paxton is fighting to keep Texas children safe”
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
It’s a sequel to Ratatouille where Remy and Alfredo race to solve the mystery of why the plague is ravaging Paris and oh wait never mind
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
That’s the NIV (New Influencer Version)
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
I’ve always said that if women really want to attract men, instead of wearing perfume that smells like flowers, they should wear something that smells like donuts or bacon
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
No he grew up to be Marilyn Manson
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Bank Loan Officer: So you’d like to open a home equity loan? Are you planning to do some renovations to your house, maybe buy an RV, or take a European vacation? Me: I just need the money to pay my utility bill.
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I’m sorry, WHO called me?
A screenshot of a voicemail from Prostituity.

“Prostitutity. Hi there. I still hear about your unsecured personal loan application. I'm
happy to share that you've qualified for up to $45,000 and your monthly payment could be as low as $375. Before we prepare the final documents, I'd like to go over the terms with you and answer any questions.”
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
* on my deathbed * With my last breath I pass on to you, my son, all of the accumulated wisdom from the many years of my life. When opening a pickle jar, first use a can opened to pry the top until it makes that little pop sound and breaks the vacuum seal. Then it will be easy to open. * dies *
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
And Soylent Green’s profits have never been higher 🤷‍♂️
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
For some reason, Taco Bell is unaffected
News headline: “Wendy's faces 300 closures across 15 states due to crippling beef prices”
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Reposted by probablyRob
arr @arr.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
This makes me hopeful. This number is aspirational but nowhere near out of reach: a working professional could realistically cash out their 401k and buy off a public official. Owning a senator is more attainable for most Americans than home ownership.
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
I’m just imagining TNT viewers watching 24/7 constantly asking “Is wrestling on yet?”
An article about the failed spinoff of Babylon 5, called Crusade.

“Hoping to build its own sci-fi slate, TNT even became the network home for Babylon 5's spin-off, Crusade. However, the network soon realized that its primary viewers were interested only in watching wrestling. Meanwhile, the viewers who showed up to watch Babylon 5 had little interest in wrestling or other sports.
Owing to this, the sci-fi franchise did not necessarily benefit the network.”
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
The memoir of every child actor:
A graphic from the Texas vs Ohio State football game showing the name of Texas running back Hollywood Smothers
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
It’s the same picture
Bilbo Baggins gollum-ing out over the One Ring
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Update: I ate so much popcorn my tummy hurts
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I love buying popcorn at the movies because your only choices are a kid sized bag or a bucket that a small kid could swim in
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Moses has something to say
static.klipy.com
Moses Says 'Come At Me Bro!'
Alt: Moses Says 'Come At Me Bro!'
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
In a move that surprised Hollywood insiders, Amazon Pictures announced that the next James Bond movie will be a prequel to the 1989 film “License to Kill” starring Timothy Dalton. The new movie will be titled “Learner’s Permit to Kill”
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
How would you describe your social media reach? Mine:
static.klipy.com
Tom Brady's Awkward High Five Denied
Alt: Tom Brady desperately walking around looking for someone to high five him, while they all ignore him
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
the fact that the Pope needs kryptonite confirms that Superman is Protestant
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
The most concerning question is why does the Pope need kryptonite?
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
You know me so well Duolingo, tea IS my baby!
Screenshot from Duolingo “Tú bebes té?” which of course actually means “Do you drink tea?”
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I thought the Reacher finale went too far when the villains released the deadly nerve toxin and Reacher just grabbed it out of the air with his bare hands, put it in a headlock and smothered it.
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I watched the first episode just to see how bad it was, and I won’t be watching again. I doubt I’m the only person who did that, so I expect the ratings will only go down from here.
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
We should have known RFK Jr was backed by Trask Industries
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
BREAKING: Emmet Otter’s Jug Band will no longer be opening for Ed Sheeran.
Just a bunch of otters playing in a jug band from Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas (1977)
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Everybody remembers the story of the Good Samaritan where a Samaritan stopped to help a Jewish man who was beaten, but then it turns out he was actually an ICE agent in disguise, so they arrested the guy and sent him back to Samaria
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Reposted by probablyRob
jeremy kaplowitz @jeremykaplowitz.com · 15/09/2026
🚨 Jeremy Kaplowitz has officially dropped out of the Ed Sheeren tour.
I have made the difficult decision to withdraw myself from the worldwide Ed Sheeran "The Loop" tour due to his inability to denounce the ongoing genocide in Palestine.

Currently, I am secretly hidden in the wheels of his tour bus and was planning to infiltrate his arena show by claiming to be an opening act and performing 20-40 minutes of solo spoken word poetry, or as long as I could before being tackled to the ground by security. But I cannot stand by Ed anymore. 

I do not take this decision lightly. I know many (future) Jeremy Kaplowitz fans are going to be disappointed to not get to learn about my really awesome work, but I simply cannot abide by people who claim to "not wanna get political" when it's about murdering tens of thousands of people. Also I think he ruined that one Game of Thrones episode, which is even worse in retrospect, when you consider how few good ones we ultimately had left at that point.

To Ed, thank you for everything you have done so far to support me. You don't know who I am, but I was the one who kept stealing half of your sandwiches on the tour bus when you weren't looking and your manager kept saying you were "acting crazy." I hope you understand where I am coming from (think killing children is bad), even though you say it's icky to have to think about.

Free Palestine.
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probablyRob @probably-rob.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Hey show some respect when you’re talking about the Queen of Naboo!
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