Reposted by slateceej @ceej.online · 16hI died in the shipwreck of a whaling vessel in 1798, but a few days later, clinging to an old rum barrel. Now I can only haunt this one specific patch of desolate ocean. I thought I saw a cruise liner once, in the distance. Had a scare ready to go and everything. Not much going on outside of that 3387291
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 10/10/2026getting selected for jury duty and then not being able to tell anyone this is the case you’re on 08011
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 09/10/2026kid: did you know the whole internet weighs about the same as a strawberry? me: come on man it’s friday 28510
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 09/10/2026me, getting $20 cash back: can i get four 5s? cashier who is machamp: hell yeah up top 111510
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 08/10/2026i try to avoid commenting on people’s appearances but this hand gesture was a choice that i cannot sit back and ignore 12885
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 08/10/2026www.indiewire.com/news/box-off...indiewire.com‘Coyote vs. Acme,’ Abandoned as a Tax Write-Off by Warner Bros., Grosses $100 Million Globally'Coyote vs. Acme,' once abandoned as a tax write-off by Warner Bros., grosses $100 million globally ahead of digital release. 217229
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 07/10/2026shit is out of balance. the fabric of the universe is crumbling 519220
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 07/10/2026the president’s words were taken out of context. you have to consider everything he’s ever said and it’s obvious what he meant was uhhh way worse 116718
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 03/10/2026everyone sliding past me on the sinking titanic while i’m moonwalking in place 1808
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 03/10/2026great question i normally would never call but last time they messed up my order so credited me two free pizzas but said the credit was attached to my phone number so i would need to call it in to redeem the credit 280
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 03/10/2026if you call in an order for dominos they try to use an AI operator and not only is it useless but they added, i kid you not, fake typing noises like the AI has fucking fingers and a keyboard and a mediocre typing speed of 50 words per minute 71147
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 02/10/2026do these pants make my ass look like an undecided voter 2569
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 02/10/2026lincoln had “four score and seven years ago” now we have “people are walking under, crap was falling off it all the time” 1666
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 01/10/2026“cutting edge technology” used to mean cool stuff like high speed cameras or Squand. now it’s just a computer that will divorce your wife for you 215716
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 01/10/2026green day hitting the snooze button until november 1744
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 01/10/2026“independent” movies are always like 🎥 van gum presents a studio scope 🔭 film from ♣️ club media ♣️ in association with 🙈 naked monkey™️ 21055
Reposted by slate𝕭𝖑𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝕻𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖊𝖘 @blackoutprincesses.neocities.org · 01/10/2026IT BEGINS TOMORROW 0604
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 30/09/2026i think anyone who believes these guys in particular would actually allow “universal high income” should be tested for lead poisoning 114413
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 30/09/2026this is the kind of public embarrassment that only happens in nightmares or a tim robinson skit 2439057
Reposted by slateCage @ridiculouscage.bsky.social · 26/09/2026"why would I deceive you?" 131105522101
Reposted by slateconputer dipshit @davidcrespo.bsky.social · 26/09/2026I’m sorry, but if you bring gypsum - or any damn mineral below 3 on the Mohs scale at all - to a job interview, you’re disqualified. It’s not hard, people. 562065282
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 26/09/2026iced coffee is junior level. the real power move is bringing a corn on the cob to your interview 1392854335
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 26/09/2026pausing over this long enough to make the meta algorithm flag me as a threat to muse’s safety 5885
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 26/09/2026no you’re right, email i unsubscribed to, i did want to keep receiving your emails. this non consensual persistence will surely make me a loyal customer 213815
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 25/09/2026pretty sure there’s no bigger advocate for banning kids from breweries than other parents. this is my sanctuary, get those creeps out of here 1510
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 24/09/2026i have not watched Reacher mostly because I do not want to ruin my assumption that he talks like a Pokemon and his only lines are “Reacher reach reach” 3742
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 24/09/2026gen X boss sent an email to me to complain that my email could’ve been a phone call. then he sent 3 follow-up emails 2633
Reposted by slatespooky cannoli @boner.ink · 23/09/2026is every ad gambling now, like do other companies even advertise anymore or has the economy completed its transformation into casino 461158130
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 21/09/2026jail guard: you get one phone call me: um ok *dialing* hey i’m in jail 911: we should make this number harder 2964
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 21/09/2026i’ll be spared from the AI apocalypse bc of all the quality time i spent with my devices 19612
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 19/09/2026TSA: any carry on? vulture: no thanks i already ate 124632