Sign in

slate

@pleasebegneiss.bsky.social
61K followers 469 following 5.3K posts

egg

PostsRepliesMedia
Reposted by slate
ceej @ceej.online · 16h
I died in the shipwreck of a whaling vessel in 1798, but a few days later, clinging to an old rum barrel. Now I can only haunt this one specific patch of desolate ocean. I thought I saw a cruise liner once, in the distance. Had a scare ready to go and everything. Not much going on outside of that
3387291
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 20h
concept of a war plan ok
050
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 21h
how many wars have you started
280
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 21h
who is getting the fifa peace prize this year
811213
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
getting selected for jury duty and then not being able to tell anyone this is the case you’re on
08011
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
kid: did you know the whole internet weighs about the same as a strawberry? me: come on man it’s friday
28510
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
clearly we like punishment
0150
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
me, getting $20 cash back: can i get four 5s? cashier who is machamp: hell yeah up top
111510
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
is it still a secret if nobody cares
2691
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
i try to avoid commenting on people’s appearances but this hand gesture was a choice that i cannot sit back and ignore
susan dell standing next to the president with her hands looking like insect pincers ready to decapitate a sleeping victim
12885
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
i will welcome our orberlords
0270
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
www.indiewire.com/news/box-off...
indiewire.com
‘Coyote vs. Acme,’ Abandoned as a Tax Write-Off by Warner Bros., Grosses $100 Million Globally
'Coyote vs. Acme,' once abandoned as a tax write-off by Warner Bros., grosses $100 million globally ahead of digital release.
217229
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
i have a feeling they’ll escape
0100
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
shit is out of balance. the fabric of the universe is crumbling
519220
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
the president’s words were taken out of context. you have to consider everything he’s ever said and it’s obvious what he meant was uhhh way worse
116718
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
everyone sliding past me on the sinking titanic while i’m moonwalking in place
1808
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
great question i normally would never call but last time they messed up my order so credited me two free pizzas but said the credit was attached to my phone number so i would need to call it in to redeem the credit
280
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
if you call in an order for dominos they try to use an AI operator and not only is it useless but they added, i kid you not, fake typing noises like the AI has fucking fingers and a keyboard and a mediocre typing speed of 50 words per minute
71147
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
do these pants make my ass look like an undecided voter
2569
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
lincoln had “four score and seven years ago” now we have “people are walking under, crap was falling off it all the time”
1666
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
a michigan nurse is *credited
0170
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
“cutting edge technology” used to mean cool stuff like high speed cameras or Squand. now it’s just a computer that will divorce your wife for you
215716
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
green day hitting the snooze button until november
1744
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
“independent” movies are always like 🎥 van gum presents a studio scope 🔭 film from ♣️ club media ♣️ in association with 🙈 naked monkey™️
21055
Reposted by slate
𝕭𝖑𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝕻𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖊𝖘 @blackoutprincesses.neocities.org · 01/10/2026
IT BEGINS TOMORROW
0604
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
i think anyone who believes these guys in particular would actually allow “universal high income” should be tested for lead poisoning
114413
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
this is the kind of public embarrassment that only happens in nightmares or a tim robinson skit
2439057
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
whoa fat bear week, bam-ba-lam
011216
Reposted by slate
Cage @ridiculouscage.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
"why would I deceive you?"
131105522101
Reposted by slate
conputer dipshit @davidcrespo.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
I’m sorry, but if you bring gypsum - or any damn mineral below 3 on the Mohs scale at all - to a job interview, you’re disqualified. It’s not hard, people.
562065282
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
iced coffee is junior level. the real power move is bringing a corn on the cob to your interview
1392854335
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
pausing over this long enough to make the meta algorithm flag me as a threat to muse’s safety
meta muse ad, it’s waving like a fucking idiot. i could eliminate it easily
5885
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
no you’re right, email i unsubscribed to, i did want to keep receiving your emails. this non consensual persistence will surely make me a loyal customer
213815
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
it’s always whatsapp and never howsapp
311117
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
pretty sure there’s no bigger advocate for banning kids from breweries than other parents. this is my sanctuary, get those creeps out of here
1510
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
who is saving this? i just want to talk
1390
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
ok but why’s she so
jack in the box simpsons treehouse of horror cup with a xenomarge purple cat licking an cream looking kinda
31023
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
the longer i look at this the less i understand
stereogum post with picture of green alien leaning its head against a glass of brown liquid it’s holding, one eye is half closed. upper caption reads “sneaker pimps finally get trailerized (point down emoji)” lower text reads “scarlett johansson & tom waits costar in ‘ray gunn’ - 18 years after her waits covers album”
4797
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
people as a concept
291
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
People really is just about people
5591
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
i have not watched Reacher mostly because I do not want to ruin my assumption that he talks like a Pokemon and his only lines are “Reacher reach reach”
3742
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
tempted to learn how to skywrite
141
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
gen X boss sent an email to me to complain that my email could’ve been a phone call. then he sent 3 follow-up emails
2633
Reposted by slate
spooky cannoli @boner.ink · 23/09/2026
is every ad gambling now, like do other companies even advertise anymore or has the economy completed its transformation into casino
461158130
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
turthunken
010
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
inside of me there are two brains
3723
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
me to my guts when i have to take antibiotics
westley snipes pointing a gun and crying meme
31106
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
jail guard: you get one phone call me: um ok *dialing* hey i’m in jail 911: we should make this number harder
2964
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
i’ll be spared from the AI apocalypse bc of all the quality time i spent with my devices
19612
slate @pleasebegneiss.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
TSA: any carry on? vulture: no thanks i already ate
124632