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Paul Davidson

@pauldavidson.co.uk
173 followers 755 following 373 posts

Middle-aged Dad energy

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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 07/08/2026
The awful AirBnB art is just bad Photoshop. It can't roofie me before bed. The awful AirBnB art...
The body of a pickup artist with, for reasons that are unclear, the head of a deer badly cropped on top
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 10/01/2026
The disappointment we felt yesterday
Substitution note saying bloranges have been subbed with regular oranges
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 18/11/2025
America's George Galloway
Picture of George Galloway (it definitely is) captioned Clay Higgins
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 14/10/2025
Americans, you need to sort your units out.
The average healthy adult needs roughly 0.8 grams of protein per kilogram of body weight (0.36 grams per pound), according to federal nutrition guidelines. For a 170-pound adult, that breaks down to about 61 grams of protein, which can be achieved by eating a cup of plain Greek yogurt and 3.5 ounces of chicken breast (or 5 ounces of tempeh).
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 30/09/2025
God bless you, poopy load
Washing machine full of poop stained clothing
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 26/09/2025
One for @cjforms.bsky.social for #FixTheForms. Can you spot the difference between "other" and "elsewhere" in registering a birth? Love a guess to why, given we've already ticked yes to married, I can't fill out the form as dad—mam only.
Form titled "Register a Birth"

Where in the District of Newcastle upon Tyne was the baby born?

- RVI
- Other
- At home
- ElsewhereForm titled "Register a Birth"

About you

Are you the baby's mother?

- Yes
- No (selected)

Please contact us by phoning 0191 2787878 and asking for Registrars.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 07/09/2025
Hope the lucky council lad who has to trim this tree has brought his big saw.
Text of the notice is below. Important thing to know is that it's attached to a lamppost.

"This notice from Newcastle City Council's Strategic Tree Team announces upcoming tree works on a specific tree for safety reasons.
What: Intends to carry out tree works for safety reasons.
When: Works are scheduled for Monday, September 1st, 2025, during the day.
Action Required: Residents are asked not to park their cars in front of the notice between 8:00 am and 4:00 pm on the stated date to allow access to the trees."
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 02/09/2025
Sean Bean, best known for armed robbery in The Bill
Sean Bean in 1984 on ITV's The Bill. You know you're humming it now.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 27/08/2025
Happened to be hitting myself on the head with this when I read that it doesn't exist.
A, and I promise I'm not lying about this, purple ruler. Held in front of a paragraph telling me it supposedly doesn't exist.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 22/08/2025
Not a bad birthday haul all told. Cheesecake for breakfast too
Pile of presents containing Tokaido game, And Yet by Kate Barr, Ledaig whisky, pyjamas and indescribably beautiful bird house and a paper cut out set of friends.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 13/08/2025
❤️ a garden frog
A very froggy looking frog on some gravel
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 08/08/2025
Definitely worth getting up early. She's confiscated it now till my actual birthday
Psychedelic birdhouse on a dining tableBirdhouse proclaiming itself a birdhouse in pink and blue with a bird painted on it to remove lingering doubt
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 05/08/2025
The 2 yo's shirt says fun when it's not folded
A lollipop providing the perfect T silhouette after the letters CUN
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 16/07/2025
🎶We'll meet again Don't know where, don't know when But I know we'll meet again some sunny day🎵
Ransom note from Evri telling me they have my parcel. They haven't given instructions on how to get it back.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 04/06/2025
Academia backs you up
Fuck Nuance by Kieran Healy
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 23/05/2025
Love that view out the window where you get Holy Jesus Hospital, flanked by Manors Car Park and the rail bridge. Proper city layers stuff.
View of a 60s Brutalist Manors car park, a 14th Century Holy Jesus Hospital and a Victorian rail bridge.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 21/05/2025
Robinson summing the while thing up
This is like a load of kids chasing a tennis ball at lunch time, Paul Robinson
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 20/04/2025
Feel like shit, I just want her back
A map from 1908 showing Newcastle's formerly extensive tram network.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 11/04/2025
I knew that inspector shouldn't have been sacked
Two skeets on timeline. First talks about a haunted cruise ship spreading global epidemics. The second about removing the inspectors of haunted cruise ships.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 05/04/2025
Regardless of *waves at everything in the world* the Beano still delivers
Absolute Bananaman looking as swole as those Absolute Batmen. Chief is staring agog at his banana-covered, rippling inhuman bulk
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 24/02/2025
Chap po, M Allain
*The* Chap, Terry Thomas with his spiritual buddy, Po the telletubby
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 24/12/2024
That's the last big shop done. One more trip out for tonight's curry and the bike is going away for a few days while I get fat and horizontal.
eCargo bike with beer in the basket, perishables in the box and cremant in a backpack #fuckcars
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 24/12/2024
Skipping to Mount Doom with her buddies the eagles.
The unbeatable Squirrel Girl by Ryan North and Erica Henderson
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 22/12/2024
'kin love midwinter at the in-laws #TooFullToMove
Roast duck in an orange and grapefruit sauce. Shredded and on a plate100 uncooked jiaozi/dumplings white white, green and red skinsPlate of cooked lamb jiaozi/dumplings
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 21/12/2024
She's on a roll. Even got the emergency sandwich at the ready.
Two bears dressed in makeshift Paddington gear (old baby clothes and a Mr Potato Head tongue)Marmalade sandwich hidden I'm the hat. Of course
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 21/12/2024
5 yo snuggled down on the couch for Christmas films. Fair to say she was inspired by her first one.
A photo of a toy bear wearing a cut up Amazon box coloured in to look like Paddington's coat and hat
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 21/12/2024
The bollards are sufficiently nice, I'd say keep them and put a (cow proof) gate beside them and widen the path just there.
Badly drawn gate beside an entrance full of bollards
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 21/12/2024
Yeah Google is the worst. Taking my daughter to Dance City from Gosforth and it tried to send me through these
10 bollards squeezed into a 2 m gap to stop cows, bikes, wheelchairs, prams and all but the most snake hipped of pedestrians from using a traffic free path.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 08/12/2024
Hoovering done. Unwanted online shopping returned. Roast on. Just need to defrag the harddrive for a complete set of Sunday chores.
The windows XP defrag screen showing a very satisfiedly defragged c drive.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 06/12/2024
Slightly naff chocolate just tastes better when it's bauble shaped
Two chocolate baubles and the foil skin of their fallen brother all laid out on a coffee table
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 05/12/2024
I promise we're not divorced, but partner is under the weather and just wanted some terrible, comforting food. As depressing as it looks, it hit the right tastebuds.
Hotdogs from a jar, fried onions and a mustard and herb rubbed cauliflower on a plate giving sad, divorced energy
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 04/12/2024
Chapeau to the Viz reader who became an educational books author.
 "Not in Otter's Pocket" by Suzanne Senior & Angelika Scudamore. A Collins BIG CAT Phonics for Little Wandle Letters and Sounds book.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 27/11/2024
Nearly nearly scammed. Missed parcel season and I was annoyed because I'm working from home, so should hear the bell. Only when I paused to look at the obviously scam URL that I clicked around. Nav elements all redirect to the real site, but footer and hamburger are both just images. Nearly. Twats
Screenshot showing text messages which reads "To proceed with rescheduling your delivery, we need precise and up-to-date information. Please click here: <Cammy link shortener>Website formatted to look like the Royal Mail website, but the URL reads service.royalmailtua.top/n. The footer can't be clicked and the other page elements redirect to the real Royal Mail website
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 23/11/2024
"You utter f..." "Don't swear in front of the kids, Moira" "You, you...
A road sign for the (obviously made up) village of Ecclefechan
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 16/11/2024
Guess you're not hanging around till 10.30 for this to open
A Dalek waiting outside for the Allendale Dr Who museum to open
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 15/11/2024
First time I've thought of Popples since the Millennium Dome existed. Explains the knee pain
A pocket popple
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 23/10/2024
Duckduckgo has you in top spot (Bing under the hood)
Search result page showing carefreecarfree.com as the first result
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 10/10/2024
Got to see Northern Lights, ISS flyby AND AN OWL. Don't think I've taken this many pictures since I brought my firstborn home.
Northern Lights in green and red with STEVE
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 25/09/2024
It's neat how the Metro is almost visible in the 15 min city map of Tyneside (whatif.sonycsl.it/15mincity/15...). Historic town centres get connected by rail and maintained through today. Little cuts of red on areas that either aren't developed are have the modern car-orientated suburbs on them.
Heatmap of Newcastle upon Tyne showing amenities which are accessible in under 15 mins on foot. The accessible areas correlate with the historic town centres connected with blue through-lines that cover the metro map
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 14/09/2024
What’s your “no one but me remembers” game? No manual and no clue what was happening. Hours flying round an empty screen then getting shot.
Tau Ceti for the Commodore 64
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 14/09/2024
Distracted boyfriend meme without the original GF. Boy is labelled THE PUBLICand distracting girl is labelled DAILY LIFE
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 10/09/2024
Mick McGiven in a West Ham kit
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 31/08/2024
TOAST
TOAST
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 06/08/2024
Haunted statues made later that day
Statues of Johnson with his tits out
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 01/08/2024
Want to like this, but I can't
A nice number of likes
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 28/07/2024
Welcome to mortgage free life 😄
Fake Book cover titled "Not giving a F*ck"
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 25/03/2024
Well it's all packed. Baby, child and two adults for 5 weeks*. 48 kg, including the stroller. Because there's going to be a point where I have to carry everything. There's always that point. *We've got housesitters if you're thinking of burgling us.
2 bits of luggage, a stroller and 3 backpacks piled up waiting for the airport.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 16/03/2024
Pre-Watershed too. Rugby lads gonna rugby
Headline saying: Ireland regarding Scotland Dublin
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 23/02/2024
Repairing a leaky tap. Father in Law has a low opinion of my DIY skills (justified), but may have overcompensated by about 300 washers.
About 300 rubber washers.
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Paul Davidson @pauldavidson.co.uk · 23/02/2024
😀
Timeline screenshot where Robin's post saying "There really is treasure everywhere" appears directly below another post advertising a Ronnie Barker DVD collection for £16 on Amazon
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