Reposted by James OstimeElephant Mastodon @emath.bsky.social · 6h“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.” F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby 072
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 7hIn poetry, juices are always dripping down chins. Skin is always pickled with shame, hair on the back of necks is standing up. It's disgusting! Grow up! 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 8hIf you had told me 10 years ago that Mark Zuckerberg would be played by a different actor in Aaron Sorkin's sequel, I would have said, "Why are you telling me this?" 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 09/10/2026NyQuil and the Elaine Stritch documentary again?? Stay as long as you like, germs! 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 09/10/2026I'm the perfect amount of ill right now which is too sick to be anything but lazy, yet well enough to enjoy the lethargy! 100
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Wasn't planning on it, but I've embraced that watermelon gum they have now 000
Reposted by James OstimeGretchen von Tongeln @metalligretch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026It's too hot for the accordion. 1217
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 04/10/2026Sass Jordan (and Alannah Myles! And Amanda Marshall!) were responsible for bringing gritty white lady blues into Canadian pop music for a brief, shining time and for that we must always be grateful #RIP 030
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 02/10/2026ME: My theory is, Charlie Bucket is Hyacinth Bucket's son and she's keeping up appearances hoping to score an invite to that factory. EMPLOYEE: I'm sorry, that's way too much to write on a cake 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 01/10/2026My massage therapist has a tenuous grasp of English so yesterday when he said, "You are looking bigger now! Wow!" I choose to believe he did not mean my overall weight but rather biceps or penis 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 30/09/2026I keep waking up with a sore throat and sniffles that disappear by mid morning and return at night. I wish this cold would stop edging me and just finish me off 000
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I don't follow Mario Lopez so I'm not sure why this was Suggested For Me, but classy of Lopez to post an AI tribute to a former coworker where Lopez looks fantastic and the dead guy looks older and fatter than he was in real life 011
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Tea with Judi Dench is just like Good Hang with Amy Poehler except there have only been two episodes in 6 months and Judi is EXTREMELY tired 000
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 26/09/2026This is all to say it's scene chewing, histrionic Robert Pattinson they're gonna push for that Oscar, but it's Wever who deserves it 100
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Merritt Wever is one of our most compelling actors because she has this air of total preoccupation onscreen. Whatever she's saying is secondary to whatever she's thinking, which is how people behave in real life! 130
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 23/09/2026It finally happened. My phone randomly disconnected from headphones at the gym and blared my tuneskies. Fortunately it was Maxus 1981 banger album Maxus and not, say, Oom Pa Pa from Oliver! 031
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 23/09/2026That's exactly it! I have colleagues out here in corporate comms using AI to edit/shorten/lengthen/enhance their own stuff, which I can't believe! If you don't think you're digging your own grave, you're nuts 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 23/09/2026Writer friend out here peddling his wares using AI cover art and it JUST kills me. I know self publishing is hard, and I know people judge a book by its cover, but your covers are slop and I'm JUDGING! Like, who's to say you aren't writing using AI too?? 120
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 21/09/2026MR. BEAST: I've really developed cross platform revenue streams thanks to my immense popularity NANCY: .... are you ready, boots? MR. BEAST: Excuse me? NANCY *stares* MR. BEAST *stares* NANCY: ... staaaart walkin' *AUDIENCE LOSES ITS COLLECTIVE SHIT* 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 21/09/2026NANCY SINATRA: My guest is Mr. Beast! *tambourine and piccolo intro music* Hello Mr. Beast! What do you do? MR. BEAST: I use my accumulated YouTube wealth to pay people to participate in humiliating challenges NANCY *stares blankly* MR. BEAST: I... uh, I make protein bars NANCY *stares* 110
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 18/09/2026INFLUENCER GUY: YOU are the master of your own destiny! Don't like your circumstances? Don't be a pussy ass bitch! Change them! YOU are IN CONTROL! *consequences* INFLUENCER GUY (through tears): what's happening to me is inexcusable 000
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Next time I go to the dentist I'm just gonna leave still wearing the sunglasses 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Clothing sites are like, "Model is 6'2 and 175 lbs." GOOD FOR HIM BUT HOW DOES THAT HELP ME?? 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 17/09/2026If we're all under surveillance and don't own the rights to our images and get full body scans at the airport and all that stuff, how come there's not a way to see how an item of clothing online would look on my lumpy, misshapen body? 310
Reposted by James Ostimeandy vs. @im-all-id.me · 15/09/2026Thank you Google for making me a slideshow of the time I had a large and painful stye 929362
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Sorry to be horny on main but James Taylor in the 90s could plow me like a field 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Niiiiche skeet but the Tom Cruise GQ cover reminds me of the 80s Liz Taylor Vogue shoot where she wouldn't take off a stupid bejeweled turban until the stylist yanked it off her head, Liz wheeled around, fucking furious, and Wayne Maser got the shot of her bedheaded fury 030
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Instagram Friends, you know you don't have to post a picture of your kid at all, right? The kid with clown face emoji is to protect kid's privacy, I get it, but you also protect the kid's privacy by KEEPING THEM OFF THE PLATFORM. Your emoji kid face doesn't strike the balance you think it does 030
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 15/09/2026I know we've hit true crime saturation, I know, I know, but put Melissa McCarthy as Patsy Ramsay into my bloodstream 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 12/09/2026Touching of Celine to both open and close her comeback show with Camptown Races 011
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 11/09/2026Pink protesting Macklemore at an Ed Sheeran show? What's next, a pimple protesting a boil at a stye convention? 021
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 04/09/2026Watch a podcast? What's next, drink a hamburger? Drive a waterbed? Get the fuck outta here 130
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 03/09/2026If you understand that skeetstatic.klipy.comOprah Tells Ellen: 'Good for you. You're gay.'ALT: Oprah Tells Ellen: 'Good for you. You're gay.' 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 03/09/2026Had to call the Doxy people to refill and the lady goes, "Isn't this a little early?" And I said, "I was on vacation last month" and she high fived me through the phone! 110
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 31/08/2026When it comes to replacing Kelly Clarkson as host of a daily talk show, I know the impulse is to continue young and hip, so may I suggest Miss Nancy Sinatra 120
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 28/08/2026I try not to bother people about whatever their deal is but hot, hung naked guy sitting in the YMCA locker room reading the Bible, what is your deal??? 110
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 25/08/2026With Dolly Parton and Betty White gone, it's time to find a new universally beloved celebrity. My pitch? Paul Reiser 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 25/08/2026Bringing the whole world together for 60 years. What a way to make a livin' 030
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 24/08/2026One little girl whimpered plaintively and I turned around to be a pillar of stoic strength but she was just out of lives in Royal Kingdom 000
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 24/08/2026Personally offended by how nonchalant my seatmates are about this turbulence. How can we comfort each other if I'm the only one FREAKING OUT?!?! 110
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 21/08/2026This summer, I visited a small city and now I'm visiting a big city. Next summer, I must remember to do the reverse, for ego reasons. A tough lesson to learn is that an Edmonton 6 is a Regina 8 but a Toronto 2.5😞 030
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 18/08/2026How come airplanes can transport hundreds of people, anticipate and avoid turbulence, run on autopilot, have backup systems for the backup systems, but when the pilot comes on the PA to say something, no one can hear a goddamn word? 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 13/08/2026A former hookup has decided to never acknowledge me again which is a shame because today I saw him in a gorgeous fitted Amy Grant Heart in Motion tee and all I wanted to do was offer my humble congratulations 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 13/08/2026I remember reading lots of Peanuts as a kid and wishing Snoopy would make more pointed jokes about capital gains tax 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 13/08/2026He went to school with two (2) Bobby Jo's, the 4th grade teacher left town with the milkman (WHAT TOWN HAD A MILKMAN AND DOGCATCHER IN THE 80s?!?!), and if you wanted to catch a bus, you just called this guy who owned a small bus and he came and got you! 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 13/08/2026My boyfriend is from a very small prairie town and doesn't appreciate how quaint his upbringing was. Last night, he offhandedly mentioned the town's dog catcher, who's name was Horatio. I SWOONED! 130