James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 4hWasn't planning on it, but I've embraced that watermelon gum they have now 000
Reposted by James OstimeGretchen von Tongeln @metalligretch.bsky.social · 05/10/2026It's too hot for the accordion. 1184
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 04/10/2026Sass Jordan (and Alannah Myles! And Amanda Marshall!) were responsible for bringing gritty white lady blues into Canadian pop music for a brief, shining time and for that we must always be grateful #RIP 030
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 02/10/2026ME: My theory is, Charlie Bucket is Hyacinth Bucket's son and she's keeping up appearances hoping to score an invite to that factory. EMPLOYEE: I'm sorry, that's way too much to write on a cake 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 01/10/2026My massage therapist has a tenuous grasp of English so yesterday when he said, "You are looking bigger now! Wow!" I choose to believe he did not mean my overall weight but rather biceps or penis 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 30/09/2026I keep waking up with a sore throat and sniffles that disappear by mid morning and return at night. I wish this cold would stop edging me and just finish me off 000
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I don't follow Mario Lopez so I'm not sure why this was Suggested For Me, but classy of Lopez to post an AI tribute to a former coworker where Lopez looks fantastic and the dead guy looks older and fatter than he was in real life 011
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Tea with Judi Dench is just like Good Hang with Amy Poehler except there have only been two episodes in 6 months and Judi is EXTREMELY tired 000
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Merritt Wever is one of our most compelling actors because she has this air of total preoccupation onscreen. Whatever she's saying is secondary to whatever she's thinking, which is how people behave in real life! 130
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 23/09/2026It finally happened. My phone randomly disconnected from headphones at the gym and blared my tuneskies. Fortunately it was Maxus 1981 banger album Maxus and not, say, Oom Pa Pa from Oliver! 031
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 23/09/2026Writer friend out here peddling his wares using AI cover art and it JUST kills me. I know self publishing is hard, and I know people judge a book by its cover, but your covers are slop and I'm JUDGING! Like, who's to say you aren't writing using AI too?? 120
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 18/09/2026INFLUENCER GUY: YOU are the master of your own destiny! Don't like your circumstances? Don't be a pussy ass bitch! Change them! YOU are IN CONTROL! *consequences* INFLUENCER GUY (through tears): what's happening to me is inexcusable 000
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Next time I go to the dentist I'm just gonna leave still wearing the sunglasses 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 17/09/2026If we're all under surveillance and don't own the rights to our images and get full body scans at the airport and all that stuff, how come there's not a way to see how an item of clothing online would look on my lumpy, misshapen body? 310
Reposted by James Ostimeandy vs. @im-all-id.me · 15/09/2026Thank you Google for making me a slideshow of the time I had a large and painful stye 929362
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Sorry to be horny on main but James Taylor in the 90s could plow me like a field 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Niiiiche skeet but the Tom Cruise GQ cover reminds me of the 80s Liz Taylor Vogue shoot where she wouldn't take off a stupid bejeweled turban until the stylist yanked it off her head, Liz wheeled around, fucking furious, and Wayne Maser got the shot of her bedheaded fury 030
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Instagram Friends, you know you don't have to post a picture of your kid at all, right? The kid with clown face emoji is to protect kid's privacy, I get it, but you also protect the kid's privacy by KEEPING THEM OFF THE PLATFORM. Your emoji kid face doesn't strike the balance you think it does 030
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 15/09/2026I know we've hit true crime saturation, I know, I know, but put Melissa McCarthy as Patsy Ramsay into my bloodstream 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 12/09/2026Touching of Celine to both open and close her comeback show with Camptown Races 011
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 11/09/2026Pink protesting Macklemore at an Ed Sheeran show? What's next, a pimple protesting a boil at a stye convention? 021
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 04/09/2026Watch a podcast? What's next, drink a hamburger? Drive a waterbed? Get the fuck outta here 130
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 03/09/2026Had to call the Doxy people to refill and the lady goes, "Isn't this a little early?" And I said, "I was on vacation last month" and she high fived me through the phone! 110
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 31/08/2026When it comes to replacing Kelly Clarkson as host of a daily talk show, I know the impulse is to continue young and hip, so may I suggest Miss Nancy Sinatra 120
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 28/08/2026I try not to bother people about whatever their deal is but hot, hung naked guy sitting in the YMCA locker room reading the Bible, what is your deal??? 110
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 25/08/2026With Dolly Parton and Betty White gone, it's time to find a new universally beloved celebrity. My pitch? Paul Reiser 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 25/08/2026Bringing the whole world together for 60 years. What a way to make a livin' 030
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 24/08/2026Personally offended by how nonchalant my seatmates are about this turbulence. How can we comfort each other if I'm the only one FREAKING OUT?!?! 110
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 21/08/2026This summer, I visited a small city and now I'm visiting a big city. Next summer, I must remember to do the reverse, for ego reasons. A tough lesson to learn is that an Edmonton 6 is a Regina 8 but a Toronto 2.5😞 030
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 18/08/2026How come airplanes can transport hundreds of people, anticipate and avoid turbulence, run on autopilot, have backup systems for the backup systems, but when the pilot comes on the PA to say something, no one can hear a goddamn word? 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 13/08/2026A former hookup has decided to never acknowledge me again which is a shame because today I saw him in a gorgeous fitted Amy Grant Heart in Motion tee and all I wanted to do was offer my humble congratulations 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 13/08/2026I remember reading lots of Peanuts as a kid and wishing Snoopy would make more pointed jokes about capital gains tax 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 13/08/2026My boyfriend is from a very small prairie town and doesn't appreciate how quaint his upbringing was. Last night, he offhandedly mentioned the town's dog catcher, who's name was Horatio. I SWOONED! 130
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 13/08/2026When I find myself envying a person, I check their socials. So often, they just post pictures of themselves alone or with their boring husbands. This means they a) don't have any friends or b) don't consider their friends worthy of posting. Either way, gross! 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 12/08/2026PODCAST HOST: When I started this story, I thought I would just be reporting the facts. But now I find myself part of the story! ME (loudest groan in history, rolls eyes back in head so far I'm looking at my butt) 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 11/08/2026PITCH: Hyacinth Bucket takes GLP-1 ("a routine injection for robust health and rejuvenation!") And while she does slim down, the drug also blunts her competitive, social climbing impulses, rendering her as slovenly as Daisy and Onslow. Richard takes up pickleball 210
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 10/08/2026Excited for the Guy Fieri biopic GUY where it's just this clip over and over www.tiktok.com/@pizzaslime/...tiktok.comWELP Guy Fieri signed a lean cuisine and threw it into a crowd of people to a 5th harmony song #ThatsWhatILike #guyfieri #foruTikTok video by Pizzaslime 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 07/08/2026I liked Odyssey and I liked The Invite but which one had Penelope Cruz as the sexy neighbour and which one had Bill Irwin as the one eyed giant concealing entrance to a sheep filled cave? 010
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 06/08/2026My chemo drugs gave me horrible skin and when I asked a dermatologist what I could do about it, he said, "Just stop taking them." 260
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 04/08/2026Had a teacher in the early 90s who was mean. Strict too, we hated her. One health class was a lesson on HIV/AIDS. She ran through the notes, then talked about her friend Tom who contracted AIDS and died. She put on her sunglasses and sat at her desk and wept. We watched her in silence until the bell 150
Reposted by James OstimeCarl Bleaching @plaidman.bsky.social · 02/08/2026Saw a sign yesterday that said ’hot people support hot people’ and I think they meant it to be affirming but instead it just stated one of the frustrating things about hot people. 2374
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 02/08/2026We were promised we weren't gonna have to do this again! 030
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 01/08/2026I love having exciting, loud, sexy, dynamic queer friends but the older I get the more I relate to Dianne Weist bursting into tears in The Birdcage because, "Somebody has to like me best!!!" 060
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 30/07/2026If I've given you my username and my password, why send the code? Why do the username/password charade in the first place?! And what am I protecting?? My account at the soap and candle store? STEAL THAT INFO IF YOU WANT IDGAF 060
Reposted by James OstimeMichael Jay McClure @mjmimages.bsky.social · 29/07/2026YOU: The Od— MJM: No more. 5606
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 29/07/2026Sitting on my front stoop, I took a picture of the weird clouds above me. Then I stood up and took another picture "to get a closer look" and now I can't stop laughing at how stupid I am 140
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 28/07/2026Someone told me tonight that I look so much better in person than in pictures and I think that's the highest compliment I've ever been paid 000
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 24/07/2026Reading a perfectly fine political thriller written by a Brit about Americans, and one of the characters' sixteen year old son calls him Daddy. I know this is probably how the author thinks Americans speak but boy it's ruining this book 020
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 21/07/2026Many things are worse now than they ever were but you know what's better? STI testing. When I was 18, 19, I went to the scariest clinic and booked myself back in TWO WEEKS LATER for results. Now? Any lab in town, results on my phone within the business day. It's like The Jetsons but for fun sluts 170
James Ostime @ostimejames.bsky.social · 20/07/2026Apparently the kid from The Holdovers plays Anthony Bourdain in the biopic so all the nice straight people I know have their summer viewing planned the fuck out 010
