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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️

@onionweigher.hellthread.vet
4.8K followers 1.4K following 1K posts

§ 1032. Onion weigher - A weigher of onions shall be appointed who is neither directly nor indirectly involved in the sale or distribution of onions.

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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 11h
in the 1980's the soviet union was commonly mocked in the west as a gerantrocracy because it was managed by men in their 70's, don't hear much about that these days
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 21/09/2026
cat realized the water fountain is the matrix
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 21/09/2026
how can we all get the same card on the same day? isn't that the opposite of how tarot cards work?
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 21/09/2026
It may be possible
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 10/09/2026
another great day on earth. fucking sucks sometimes but I guess it's better than waking up on Venus
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 10/09/2026
it's so easy to become lost in the labyrinth of your own bullshit, feels great when something snaps you out of it
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 10/09/2026
I have harvested the num num fruits
num num fruits in a small pot
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 24/08/2026
ah yeah there's just several years where no laws can be passed, that's democracy
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Reposted by Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️
Anna Mazzola @annamazz.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
Some useful public speaking tips from Freud here.
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 02/05/2026
I don't know how else to describe this guy's vibe except "alien researcher who materialized into an adult human body and is struggling to understand earth biology"
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 02/05/2026
everything is fucked up but you have to keep going
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 02/05/2026
I tried to remember what the daily wire was today, but I had it confused with the daily caller, and I was actually confused with the daily beast, all of which are competing in my brain with the daily mail. Make up better names
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 02/05/2026
social media discourse works like quicksand, the more you struggle against it, the deeper into it you sink until it completely consumes you.
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 26/04/2026
imagine just,
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 16/04/2026
the veep being excommunicated would be the most "veep" thing I could imagine
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Reposted by Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️
/| |/ /| @ava-aim.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
doesn’t seem so scary.
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 27/03/2026
lowkey underrated snack: bowl of plums. really nice when chilled. great for breakfast
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Reposted by Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️
my buddy eric @mybuddyeric.bsky.social · 26/02/2026
helping my mom backup her old busted laptop and among many insane things, my favorite so far is this recipe for Onion Syrup (from Onion Syrup.PNG)
an article from maybe the nyt on onion syrup as an 'old-fashioned concotion for kids' and way too many paragraphs covering the fact that of course onion syrup isnt fixing your problem
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Reposted by Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️
haunted girlfriend @sliceofwife.bsky.social · 11/03/2026
fuck your cold ass plums
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Reposted by Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️
Jjinandtonic @jjinandtonic.bsky.social · 04/03/2026
Some delightful bit arbitrage
for years, society was limited to only 16 syrup squares per waffle but with recent combinatorial optimization breakthroughs our research department has achieved previously unheard of densities of waffle
syrup

Combinatorial optimazation waffle with 17 squares
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 04/03/2026
fake. this isn't real. we fooled you. it never happened. not this time. it wasn't real. made up by our authors. it didn't occur. not this time. wasn't real.
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 03/03/2026
he's got the vibe
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 28/01/2026
the heart wants to cry "will stancil forever" but the mind remembers that he is not radicalized enough yet
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 26/01/2026
if Michael Avenatti were president
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 18/01/2026
I apologize for previously referring to Will Stancil as "Will Stencil"
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 28/10/2025
the pope has been awake for 32 hours watching this game
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 28/10/2025
what's been going on over here
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 26/06/2025
Late at night in an alley in Brooklyn: Jeffries jumps out saying, "We got you now!" as he fumbles his brass knuckles to the ground "The Baileys send their regards!" says Schumer, feebly waving a child-sized baseball bat
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Reposted by Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️
Pixburghgrrl @pixburghgrrl.bsky.social · 24/06/2025
The Sunspot Model Of Middle East Intervention by @onionweigher.hellthread.vet who needs to come back here because Twitter doesn't deserve them...
Graph of sunspot activity from 1975 to 2030 reveals high incidence of sunspots correlate to the Iran Hostage Crisis (1980), Desert Storm (1990), Afghanistan & Iraq wars (2000-2004), Syria (2011-2015) and Iran (now).
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 06/05/2025
cringeocracy with mid characteristics
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Reposted by Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️
Shivvy 🎃 @shivvy.blacksky.app · 20/04/2025
I can’t imagine what metric you’d have to hit to be labeled Nerd in my phone. there are so many of you
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 20/04/2025
looking through my contacts list which is filled with years of garbage and people I dont remember. best entries: Angel Taxi Chair Fabrizio Goose Jim Knife Max French My SHOES Nathan Cold War Nerd Test Results UFO Asian Food Vet Furryland Will Gnostic
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 19/04/2025
this is like a disney adult going to disneyland getting a lecture from goofy about the importance of having a healthy diversity of hobbies
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 06/04/2025
If you are trying to pull the bad damsels at the Ren Faire you don't need chainmail, you don't need a longsword; you need to be focusing on period appropriate footware. No lace holes! No heels! No soles! Toes as pointy as possible. You need to look like you tied a wet envelope to your feet
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 06/04/2025
cutting the stale baguette at multiple oblique angles to minimize visible surface crust while maximizing french-toastability
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 06/04/2025
on that shit that got me feeling insane
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 04/04/2025
hehe
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 04/04/2025
nobody seemed to notice this before the election (which he lost anyway) but this sentence has an extremely specific number of words for a sentence that includes "race" and "the future of" and "western civilization" weird how that keeps happening
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 04/04/2025
The global market is not happy with me!! -- that's okay, I'll still keep exporting that garbage.
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 04/04/2025
the economy rn
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 04/04/2025
at this point I'm 99% sure that they asked "hey @grok how can the US expand its territory without decreasing the percentage of white people?" and it told them to annex Canada and Greenland
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 03/04/2025
I wish to trade with the penguins
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 03/04/2025
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 03/04/2025
hey @grok do perestroika
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 30/03/2025
I've gone metric. They will never find me; I am already hundreds of furlongs away by now
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 29/03/2025
(high school track and field gym teacher voice) some of you need to stop yapping and yearning and start lapping and learning
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 24/03/2025
Food at Mar-a-Lago
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 12/03/2025
Tried to make a serious culinary lasagna. Accidentally made a comical Garfieldian lasagna.
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 07/02/2025
4chan has nukes now
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Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️ @onionweigher.hellthread.vet · 07/02/2025
leopards promised, faces eaten
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