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Dong Draper

@oldmanbarnes.bsky.social
217 followers 211 following 71 posts

Barnso

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Reposted by Dong Draper
Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
I thought this was just beautiful. Kurt Vonnegut takes a walk to mail a letter:
She calls out, “Where are you going?” And I say, “I am going out to get an envelope.” And she says, “Well, you’re not a poor man. Why don’t you buy a thousand envelopes? They’ll deliver them, and you can put them in a closet.” And I say, “Hush.”

I go next to the postal convenience center down the block at the corner of 47th Street and Second Avenue. The woman behind the counter says, “Thirty-nine cents for a stamp.” I say, “I only brought thirty-seven. When did that change?” She looked at me a long time. “Thirty-seven isn’t enough.” “Well that oughta be enough for one envelope,” I said. The line was getting longer. 

The lady moved her hand into her coat. I knew this routine. I backflipped behind the man behind me in line, wrapping my elbow around his throat as I landed. By the time the stamp seller had unloaded her clip, I had full cover. The gentleman’s body dropped to the floor, six holes smoking. The package he was carrying fell to the floor with a heavy clunk. Whatever was in there, it would do. 

I rolled my foot over the cardboard and did a “flick up” as they call it in soccer. I bounced the package once or twice on the back of my foot as the mail lady reloaded, then I launched it high and spun 360 to deliver my patented “Rising Phoenix kick”. The package caught fire as it shattered through the protective plexiglass window and struck the woman’s head with all the force and hatred I had learned to channel in my grueling tutelage under five fallen Wudang masters in my youth. The lady’s body exploded off of her bones, leaving just a blackened skeleton spinning in her office chair. “So it goes,” I said, but no one laughed. I guess they weren’t big readers.

And I go home. And I have had one hell of a good time.

We are dancing animals. How beautiful it is to get up and go out and do something. We are here on Earth to fart around. Don’t let anybody tell you any different.
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Zack Creggert he’s done it again
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
autistic people do not watch films
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
they should let you bring your wife into work so you can give them a tour
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
do you ever wipe your ass a little too deep and more poop comes out?
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
crapper is the name of the inventor. you’re shitting in a crappers monster
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Reposted by Dong Draper
targeted366.bsky.social @targeted366.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
who else open draw like this
i’m opening the draws with my gripper
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Scratching my nuts too much in my sleep got me Injured
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
if your son grows up into one of those augustus gloop kids it must be hard to love them
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Huh. Maybe
Amazon notification for women’s dresses telling me i am “onto something”
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Reposted by Dong Draper
Luke Knox @lukeknox.me · 30/07/2026
just became aware of William Howard Taft’s 1908 campaign poster
William Howard Taft campaign poster, 1908

Floating head, with “BILL” in huge letters
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
Browsers are always asking if you want them to save your login information immediately. I don't know bitch lets see if its correct first!
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
In every clip i see of this pod, the mike seems to hate the jesse and not wanna be there
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
Are you allowed to go and whack off whilst theres tradies in your house?
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Reposted by Dong Draper
Alex Zalben @azalben.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
Kurt Vonnegut: In my book I drew an asshole as a cautionary tale Anthropic: At long last, we have created the Vonnegut Asshole
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
I’m getting into calling americans “yanks”
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
I bet Reacher would be a dick about cashiers scanning his groceries too fast.
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
sometimes you know you wouldn’t fuck with someone based on their ps2 games joblot on fb marketplace
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
the Boonta Vista byford dolphin disaster intro
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Reposted by Dong Draper
Am I Pragnent? @am-i-pragnent.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
[Q] Is LOVE really blind? [A] Heck yeah that crap sucks [2008]
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 20/03/2026
you wipe your ass in the morning, your hand still stinks of shit at bed time
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 09/03/2026
i call em eater eggs on account of made of chocolate
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 26/02/2026
@boontavista.com 🫵
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
💯💯💯
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 02/02/2026
my junk smell like the deli counter
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Reposted by Dong Draper
Am I Pragnent? @am-i-pragnent.bsky.social · 17/01/2026
[Q] If you could change your name, what would you change it to? [A] I always thought that Richard Cranium was funny as h*ll, and I hope someone in here can agree. [2008]
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Reposted by Dong Draper
strawberry garfield @bbburgerrr.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
Nine Delights 2026
Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz
Inventing a new lifestyle philosophy called "The Nine
Delights" where each day you try to experience at least three of the nine delights
10:05 PM • Jun 25, 2021 • Twitter Web App
71 Retweets
1 Quote Tweet
1,198 Likes

Brooks Otterl... @i_zzz... • Jun 26, 2021
Replying to @i_zzzzzz
THE NINE DELIGHTS
Walking Around
Fellowship
Deliciousness
Transcendence
Goofing
Amelioration
Coitus
Enthrallment
** WILDCARD *
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Reposted by Dong Draper
James Vincent @jjvincent.bsky.social · 27/12/2025
another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls
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Golden State Worrier @cheesegod.bsky.social · 25/12/2025
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Quest 64 Official @quest64official.bsky.social · 25/12/2025
The image is a picture of Brian in two Monster energy drinks. 
The text:
The lion doesn't concern himself with a sharp pain in his chest it is simply the hard asking for more energy drinks
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Reposted by Dong Draper
nice handsome boy @edward86.bsky.social · 24/12/2025
just saw this image and got a #boner
hot girl jar jar binks
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 22/12/2025
Getting irrationally angry at Virgin Media telling me that it “won’t be the same” without me as a customer
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 20/11/2025
Staffordshire Uni is the only institution brave enough to have a pair of big naturals as their logo
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 16/11/2025
I don’t care that my Honey Gold is expiring. I don’t even know what that is
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 31/10/2025
Happy Halloween
It’s me in my Michael Myers costume with little ralphie the cat undermining the whole thing by being cute in front of me now he is playing with my knife! god damn it
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 23/10/2025
The leg press machine is for improving your ability to be put into a mating press
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 12/10/2025
Ratio me. Please. It’s a badge of honor
a public toilet with a massive diarrhoea dump all over the floor missing the basin completely
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Reposted by Dong Draper
Am I Pragnent? @am-i-pragnent.bsky.social · 28/08/2025
[Q] Who is the pope and what is his job in the church? [A] its his job to be popie [2007]
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Reposted by Dong Draper
Am I Pragnent? @am-i-pragnent.bsky.social · 19/08/2025
[Q] When was the last time someone said you were sexy? [A] Last Thursday. it's very common for me [2013]
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 29/07/2025
it’s awful what’s happening in Roku City
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Reposted by Dong Draper
Am I Pragnent? @am-i-pragnent.bsky.social · 25/07/2025
[Q] are southern women better then northern women? [A] i dont know [2006]
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Reposted by Dong Draper
Chuck Tantrum @goatse.bsky.social · 04/07/2025
What Trump needs is a good shagging.
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 07/06/2025
I hate it when a sign calls itself a “polite notice”. I’ll be the judge of that!
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 10/05/2025
this is the exact expression my little brother used to get when he got his milk at bed time
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 22/03/2025
it’s embarrassing to wake around with a gym towel. Oh you got your blanky?
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Reposted by Dong Draper
Am I Pragnent? @am-i-pragnent.bsky.social · 19/03/2025
[Q] When watching a good movie with your significant other? and a steaming sex scene comes on, do you get... well... a bit "excited" shall we say? [A] my sweet friend,I think ye could say that,guys will be guys,ye might say,lol, [2013]
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 17/03/2025
you’d think adding sugar to mint tea would work- what with all the sweet mint flavoured things in the world. But it doesn’t. Probably a lesson in that for a smarter man than me
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 04/03/2025
Saw a guy at the store see a woman picking up some new bags for life while in the queue. He raised his own, old bags for life. Said “welcome to the club”.
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Dong Draper @oldmanbarnes.bsky.social · 04/03/2025
I’m psychicly manifesting tool tips with the current speed limit in the mind of the slow driver in front of me
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