iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

me: I left the groceries in the car last night her: it's probably gone off me: no, groceries can't drive

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 17/05/2026

thinking about becoming british prime minister for a bit

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 27/02/2026

therapist: can you start from the beginning george lucas: no

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 27/02/2026

hey bro, why so solemn? did u just make a vow?

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 16/12/2025

His real name is actually Tom Netherlands

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 07/10/2025

her: any idea why there were so many police helicopters flying over our house last night? me: *taking a wooden spoon out of the dishwasher* someone must've done something really bad

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

him: let's shake on it me: ok *spits on hand* him: why did you spit on my hand?

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Reposted by john

john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 02/05/2025

Remember the good ole days when the worst thing a president did was 9/11

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 13/09/2025

that's right, your wife left you because you needed 2 trips to bring the groceries in from the car

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 10/09/2025

It's important for men to talk about feelings but also to shut the fuck up

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 06/09/2025

why they give school buses such huge ass?

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 05/09/2025

[screaming at the top of my voice] I'm NOT grumpy

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 28/08/2025

waiter: would you like to allow the wine to breathe? albert desalvo: no

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 23/08/2025

me: I crashed into another car her: was it moving? me: yes, I was very upset

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 28/07/2025

carefully and agonisingly trying to decide which side to take between the one that is doing genocide and the one that genocide is being done to

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 24/07/2025

in the middle of an important meeting I pass my boss a post-it note. It simply says 'girl cats have wherskers'. He nods

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 22/07/2025

just gonna get a glass of water from the kitchen and drink it on my way back so I can sit back down on the sofa with an empty glass

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 14/07/2025

kraken: *awakes* kraken: *hits snooze*

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 02/06/2025

just experienced a home invasion and I never want to go through that again. what if I'd been caught?

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 27/05/2025

buying a dead houseplant to save myself all the trouble

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 24/05/2025

why don't snakes just roll downhill sideways?

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

using a hotdog as an intercom to say "janice, cancel my 2 o'clock" and then eating it

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 10/05/2025

me: I want to have sex with you her: let's wait til we're married priest: yes, can we get on with the ceremony please

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 09/05/2025

[1st day of tuba class] me: *holding a potato* I've made a mistake

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 07/05/2025

In the 90s the internet used to scream at you when you tried to enter and they never should've taken that away

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 02/05/2025

Remember the good ole days when the worst thing a president did was 9/11

36210

john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 29/04/2025

gymnastics is ok but they should also do different types of nastics

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 26/04/2025

her: I'm worried you're going to ruin our wedding me: why? her: you always mess up the most important words me: do I? her: exactly

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 26/04/2025

swimming is so embarrassing everyone can see you want to be alive

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 24/04/2025

[looking at myself in the mirror] how dare you

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 19/04/2025

me: nice dog, can I give him a pet? him: sure me: *places a hamster next to his dog* there you go, buddy dog: thanks

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Reposted by john

the hype @thehyyyype.bsky.social · 10/12/2024

[I get home to find a note on the refrigerator that says "I'm leaving and i'm taking the kids"] me: [unplugs fridge from power outlet] you're not going anywhere, you piece of shit

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john @mrjohn.bsky.social · 18/04/2025