Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 5hwho wants to go to sleep for the recommended 6-8 hours? 040
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 7hthe white sox being good feels like we may be shifting into a different timeline 040
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 7hI don’t know about house but if I see a ghoul I’m going to whack it right in the head with a baseball bat 010
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 12hI really love training my dog, and I love dogs, but I don’t think I’d love training other people’s dogs. I think I’d be like “sit don’t sit I’m not your dad.” 031
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 20hyou could almost instantly become the most powerful business in America by simply making a useful product that actually works and lasts a long time while simultaneously sincerely caring about your employees. People would go batshit for you. 090
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 20hmy doctor has prescribed me two weeks away from my work environment because once I described it and it’s effects on me he said “oh fuck this”, and is going to use short term disability to make them do it/protect my job, and we’re starting new meds. Never felt an actual wave of relief before now. 3180
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 30/09/2026if the cubs play the white sox in the world series the teams can carpool to games together. probably need a huge van. 151
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 30/09/2026me: “your honor no jury will vote to acquit because Seth is a very [puts on sunglasses and does a spot on Daffy Dadk impression] sethSPICIOS[spit flies everywhere] name case closed whoowhoo case closed whowhoo.” judge [bangs gavel]: “he’s got you there counselor.” Yosemite Sam [puts gun in mouth]: 140
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 29/09/2026thought about it and the “don’t make jokes about other people’s looks” applies to everybody with a net worth less than $500,000,000, anybody with a half a billion dollars or more is fair game. Elon looks like a beluga whale died trying to throw South African he’d just tried to but tasted icky. 160
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 29/09/2026he looks like Moe Howard got stuck in machine from The Fly with Goebbels 080
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I’m single with no help at home and all I have is a puppy and the combo of stress from that, work and my elderly father living with me nearly wrecked me. I do not understand how single parents do this at all. Have to be some kind of secret dimension they go to and make fun of people like me. 050
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 29/09/2026getting ready for my telehealth appointment and the puppy decided she's also going to the doctor and will be sitting in my lap I guess. well that's cute and fun but slightly embarassing 030
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 29/09/2026i bit the bullet and made an appointment with employee assistance to talk to a counselor about how unhealthy the work environment has become over the last 3 years, specifically this last one, which actually drove me to have a nervous breakdown unlike I've ever had over the last 5 days. 4130
Reposted by Cool Jim the VampireViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Ask your doctor if jeopardizing your health to make the rich richer is right for you 15591159
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 29/09/2026my mom used to say “you can’t be smart and want to be president, nobody smart wants to be in charge of everybody” and it’s kind of incredible how right she was. she would then tell me I should go to law school and become president, which is such mixed messaging. 1122
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 29/09/2026“when somebody tells you who they are, believe them.” - my best friend Shaq to me, Don Draper but he’s only the cool parts 120
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 29/09/2026put the puppy’s favorite blanket, the one she slept in the first day I had her and slept in every night her first few months here, on the bed where she now sleeps at night because it’s fall and evidently I have sinned against god and my crimes will never be forgiven. 220
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 28/09/2026keep hearing a children’s choir singing “dark jimmy dark jimmy dark jimmy” in my head over and over again on a loop. Probably nothing to worry about. unrelated I met this huge black goat who can talk which pretty cool. Phil something. Anyway we’re heading to a party in the woods. 071
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Throwing my back out this morning has messed with my dog more than it’s messed with me and I can’t even lean forward without wanting to scream. Stupid pets and their empathy. 020
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 28/09/2026nowadays you’d be lucky to afford one billboard outside ebbing, missouri 030
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 28/09/2026not a good sign when even the people working at the gas station are apologizing for how expensive everything is when you pop in to buy a gas station coffee or piece of terrible gas station pizza. Sure it’ll be fine. This will all work out. 070
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 28/09/2026I’ve never had a massage in my life. I don’t think anybody has even rubbed my back. I told two friends this today and it they couldn’t believe it. Was like I told them I’ve never heard of Christmas. 020
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 28/09/2026felt a sneeze coming as I was peeing and decided to brace for it so I didn’t spray piss everywhere and as I sneezed I literally felt my lower back pop out of place and back into place and dropped to my knees in pain. still got all the pee in the bowl though. good job, my penis. 270
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 28/09/2026I know for sure when I’m getting fed lip service by somebody in the c-suite and it’s never more obvious than when they say “I’m concerned about your health.” No you’re not. You’re concerned about work you don’t do getting done by somebody else and hiring more staff would make your dumb bosses mad. 010
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 28/09/2026I’ve been fighting off a depressive episode for more than a year, because I had to, I have no real help at work or support at home, so I thought I’d tough it out. Well guess what? Now I’m so depressed I can’t get out bed and just had to tell work. So that was dumb. Very dumb. Still here though. Yay. 1120
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 28/09/2026just had a dream so upsetting I woke up in a little bit of shock and then the dog threw up in the bed right next to me, which is, y’know, a fun way to start the week 020
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 28/09/2026me: “the only thing I miss about my old life is how every night was an adventure.” also me: “it’s 8:20 why aren’t we bed yet?” me: “I’m being nostalgic.” me: “and that should interrupt your sleep?” me: “no, look, you’re ruining the bit.” me: “so now he learns how to break the fourth wall? Feh.” 000
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026when I was 14, a long time ago, I was one of the better basketball players for my age in the county. I was averaging like 36/15/5/5 and it wasn’t unusual for me to have a 30/30 game and if I scored less than 30 and got less than 15 boards I’d be pretty mad at myself. We went 82-20 that year. Anyway 110
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026that liberty biberty head shows up at my place? I’m killing it and getting real sad about how much I enjoyed killing it. “Oh no that felt good,” I’ll say as I bash it or ever loving fuck with a hammer. 161
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Just realized Keith Hernandez and Josh Allen share a number… oh no 000
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026the thing about the ai commercials that kills me is they’re basically going “parenting? That’s for jerks. You can use CramholeAI to do all the things you wish you did 18 years from now, you asshole, you fuckin jerk” and somehow this works? Isn’t the hard part of parenting the fun part? 020
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I’m gonna get Sophie into Corgi racing because she’d fucking wreck these dogs. 150
Reposted by Cool Jim the VampireFischer 🛠️🚇 @fischer.bsky.social · 27/09/2026new train just dropped 828630
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026what the fuck was that Trump ad I just saw. He’s not running for shit but there was nobody else mentioned just him walking down a hallway while a bunch of grievances played in the background. Oh that dude is fully cooked. Juiceless as a prune. Lamest duck there ever was. 270
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I swear the bills are playing like their uniforms have made them drunk. Josh Allen just had 15 yards of open field and was like “baahhh TOSS” and got nothing 100
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026[seeing a wegmans meals 2 go ad inside the Bills new stadium] “we made it”static.klipy.comHomer Simpson CryingAlt: Homer Simpson Crying 020
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026it is really cute how America shuts down every Sunday for 8 months a year because we’re all straight up addicted to football 030
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026why are the bills wearing lions uniforms from 10 years ago? 110
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026If America loses the president’s cup I’m going to actually believe in the Trump sports curse. 140
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I will simply never listen to a song about “choosing Texas” because I live in New York. Why would I choose Texas? All my stuff is here. 3290
Reposted by Cool Jim the VampireRob Delaney @robdelaney.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Disdaining fortune with his brandished steel Which smoked with bloody execution, Like Valour’s minion carved out his passage Till he faced the slave, Which ne’er shook hands, nor bade farewell to him, Till he unseamed him from the nave to the chaps, And fixed his fucking head upon our battlements 1125321
Reposted by Cool Jim the VampireUrsula K. Le Guin Bot @leguinbot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? 513340
Reposted by Cool Jim the Vampirelaurel @l4ur3l.bsky.social · 07/09/2025can’t sleep, moon’s too loud 1142
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026whoa whoa whoa this cornell stuff is, man, we gotta tear that place down and throw it in a gorge 030
Cool Jim the Vampire @lechased.bsky.social · 27/09/2026who wants to rock the party?[everybody groans] oh okay uh who wants to take a nap for a while? [everybody cheers] 010
