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The Vampire Bourdain

@kelofulthar.bsky.social
510 followers 295 following 19K posts

My name is immaterial. Saturdays child, all grown. To all you clown comics, fix your hearts or die. Remember; the only time is now.

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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 19h
Decided I’m gonna take myself out for dumplings on my birthday
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 23h
Another banger from Flavius 👏
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WOLFSKULLJACK @wolfskulljack.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
Lilith in the water- 2025
Digital illustration, my work. A women in the water with her hand over her face. Her hand has a snake tattoo
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Garth Marenghi's Catbus @catbus.phd · 12/05/2026
'The Silence of the Lambs' (1991) dir: Jonathan Demme 📽️ #OnePerfectShot
a cat wearing a plastic full headask that looks like a hockey goalie
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WOLFSKULLJACK @wolfskulljack.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
Knight time, day time
Digital drawing, my work. Realistic knights armour with illustrative bird and branch out of the helmet
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
Trying very hard to remain an engaged friend and not feel like an isolated loner loser when lots of people I care about who have always said “reach out any time!!!” ignore my messages
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spirit airlines presents: airplane fall @makeitsnow.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
‘we couldn’t make blazing saddles today’ vs ‘we made blazing saddles eight years ago and called it sorry to bother you’
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don't hug me I'm porksweats @porksweats.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
if piccolo were real, he'd throw rocks at me
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Tactical Neural Insekt @spiralrings.blue · 10/10/2026
“I’m going to make a cool bass patch” - Man Who Accidentally Invented The Noise That Makes You Dry Hrave
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
Reading a novel about a slave woman and her harrowing life and the prose is not good enough to warrant suffering through the facts of the time period
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
It’s so fucking bad and dumb I’m so pissed off
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
The Mike Flanagan Carrie adaptation did not need to get made. I say this with a heavy heart.
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Need to find someone in my life who is brave enough for me to cook and serve them rabbit stew
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Finally finished paying off an X-ray I got a year ago 🥴
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Begging writers to stop having vampires use the internet
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I found myself a new primary care. Saw her for a wart on my finger to get an in with dermatology but then decided to transfer care. She says great, schedule to get some labs and a yearly physical. I say cool and go to the check in desk and schedule those two things.
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Is Aaron Pierre the hottest man alive? Sources are saying yes
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don't hug me I'm porksweats @porksweats.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
oh no, they've put luke perry in the wall
oh no, they've put luke perry in the wall
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Reading people posting about green chili and getting pissed off at their wrong opinions lmao
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Please observe these symbols
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
My husband went out of his way to turn on Preacher and then remembered I’m in love with Joe Gilgun and got jealous. Buddy the heart wants what the heart wants!!!!
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Damn I’ve been sleeping on the hot honey rub fries at Wingstop
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Oh my god shut the fuck up
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Watching Dr. Strangelove, and honestly a lot of the humor is sucked out because I know it’s not just one rogue crazy man who believes that fluoridation is a commie plot, and rather is just kind of the party line sixty years after the film came out
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Okay so I’m making lunch (toast griddled in olive oil, green chili bacon, fried eggs and chili crisp), then once I eat I’m cleaning out the fridge and going through my bathroom to toss the expired meds and shit we don’t need. I’ve watered all but six plants.
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I had a dream I was visiting my husband’s family and his mom kept trying to make me go to church. I was clutching all my belongings and everywhere I went to set it down there was an overflowing litter box with a pee puddle in front of it. Horrible
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Struggling to forgive my opening team for making me listen to John Mayer’s original music
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Tom Bombadildo @dildo-baggins.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Jim Henson’s Cape Fear Babies
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
NW Eyes Wide Shut
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Autumnal Manoeuvres in the Borbs @borbs.northsky.social · 12/09/2026
Papa Smurf standing on the cliff ready to plummet to his death while all the other smurfs wail and writhe
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
I have a pair of pants that are printed w/ pictures of cats and says cat in Japanese. I got a compliment on them in company and I said thanks, then laughed and said “I like how they just say cat cat cat” and my cousin in law who’s guts I hate used this as the springboard for a kinda racist anecdote
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
I’ll be honest I need people to not tell me about the porn they read
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
I’m way too sedentary and usually walk between 2500-5000 steps a day. I walked 17,000 today. Help
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Fighting off the mighty urge to walk a mile to 7-Eleven for cigarettes
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
In a hotel room rn and I tuned on cable tv for the first time in years. It’s not good
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
So the convention center that holds the con I work for has banned the food trucks. So in an instant the 8-10 options for food we usually had in addition to the hotel are gone. This sucks, really bad
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geoff @geoffreigh.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
doctor who, we need u! go back and pour drano in the primordial soup
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
Had a long melancholy dream where I went to a hippy dive bar and discovered it had been one of my dad’s favorite haunts, and the people there all knew him but didn’t know he had passed way. It was like if one day Norm just didn’t show up at Cheers
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jon rosenberg @jonrosenberg.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Strange New Worlds is the "Oops! All Berries" of Star Trek.
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Heartbreaking: I ordered from a different Chinese place than usual at the urging of Reddit reviews (and spent a good $15 more than I usually do) and it’s just… meh. It’s meh as hell.
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
It’s got this same energy
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lady wardriva @bog.beauty · 18/08/2026
at the swim-up dive bar where all the regulars are wrinkly; i saw a guy drink someone under the table they drowned :(
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
@caulimovirus.bsky.social I saw someone sharing a screenshot of a screenshot of your Sigourney Weaver post on Threads today lmao
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
lol bro what the fuck I put my recycling in the right dumpster before I left for work and I came home and someone had ???put it all????? On my fucking doorstep??????
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Santana Abraxas @slime-golem.biz · 16/08/2026
Computer. How good would it feel to get revenge? Run simulation.
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Not this fuckin rented cop doing security at the Grateful Dead drag show walking around with his hand on his fucking gun
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Blocking out former or even current military from being radicalized and joining a movement is foolish. Not everyone joined because they’re vociferous violent meat head automatons. Most people who joined the military had extreme social and financial incentives to do so.
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Damn really fighting my impulse to go out and try to embarrass the teenager shouting in the park behind my apartment
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The Vampire Bourdain @kelofulthar.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Watching anime is such a nightmare minefield of the worst shit you’ve ever seen
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