John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Trader Joe’s sells Trek Mix. Picturing boldly hiking where no man has gone before. 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Saw diesel under $6 for a second so Jared must have completed the all important Western Sahara-New Hebrides peace treaty. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026If an infarction is bad, how do I get an outfarction? 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026The drive through sign is up at the Panda Express under construction on Harbison Boulevard so I did. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026We bought a five lb bag of polenta, as we are aspiring peasants. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026I wish I were still limber enough to walk across the hoods of cars whose drivers choose to stop atop pedestrian crossings. “Ooh! Cramp!” would somewhat undercut the message. 030
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026We totally missed a trick not calling the administration Breakin’ America 2: Electric Boogaloo 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026Men need to start wearing cosmetics so that we might wash our faces every now and again. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026The ICE buddy movie will be called Mullet and Dunlap. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026I’m not saying the economy is bad but Google Maps changed the United States label to Spirit Halloween. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026Somewhat wistful that my entire adult life has been spent witnessing the descent and destruction of my nation and probably thus of the world. How’s everything at Megiddo? 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026I think all our bases are belong to them. I make no claims to be a military genius but if there is a country that has been calling you the Great Satan for almost 50 years, you might consider the possibility that they have formulated some kind of plan for when active hostilities break out. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026I’m writing a locked door mystery. The key is—oh darn it, I gave it away! 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026iPhone weather app outdoes itself with “wind gusts up to 3 mph.” I’m looking up evacuation routes. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026My Purely Elizabeth cereal trumpets that it is baked with coconut oil. Not a cereal mogul, but I find that ovens work better. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026"South Carolina is too small for a republic, but too large for an insane asylum."— James Louis Petigru But if he were alive today: “The US is too insane for a republic but too large for an asylum.” 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 14/09/2026He never cared for Moscow Mitch. I wonder if he will like Zombie Mitch better. 020
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 13/09/2026Lost chord jokes through the years: Hey, I found the Lost Chord! Now what do I do? Hey, I found the Lost Chord! I KNEW I left it around here somewhere! My New Year’s resolutions include the Lost Chord. 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 09/09/2026If fundamentalists can pray the gay away, why don’t they carry on with it and shut up. If their God, who as I understand it is an awesome God, can change people from the way He made them at an outsider’s arbitrary request, well let’s see it. Or maybe, I dunno, God is wiser than they are. 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 08/09/2026People fear the chupacabra but that’s because they haven’t seen the chupapoopa. 020
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Bari Weiss CBS News style guide Gulf of Mexico: Gulf of America Lake Ontario: Lake America New Mexico: New America Donald J. Trump: Dear Leader Big Mac Daddy Emperor with LOTS of clothes Tariff Sheriff Elon Musk: probably God David Ellison: probably Jesus Canada: 51st state Mexico: 52d 1/2 110
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 08/09/2026It is rather gracious of Trump to make every mother fucking world leader who stands up to him look like Churchill. 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 06/09/2026We bought a mandolin slicer. Anybody got a spare mandolin? 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 06/09/2026I think I have our theme song for November 3: youtu.be/cyMsvE8UcbI?...youtu.beAnn Peebles - I'm Gonna Tear Your Playhouse Down (Official Audio)YouTube video by Fat Possum Records 100
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 05/09/2026Spirit Halloween banners are up. Somebody check the Kennedy Center. 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 04/09/2026Nobody needs to assassinate billionaires and trillionaires. Just get them competing to outstupid each other. “On his Hawaiian island where nobody can see, Zuckerberg is being fitted with gills and fins so he can live in the ocean, but Musk & Bezos don’t have the cojones or enough money to do that.” 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 03/09/2026I think we should definitely go along with Trump’s desire to rename everything, preferably after himself. The Gulf of Loser. Lake Loser. The Loser Performing Arts Center. Loser International Airport. The Strait of Loser… 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 31/08/2026Who else thinks Trump made Junior, Eric and Barron sign binding pre-birth agreements in utero? 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 29/08/2026Trump’s president a second time. The Knicks win the title. Are you seriously trying to tell me we haven’t died and gone to h-e-double-toothpicks? 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 27/08/2026I had a fairy tale childhood—witches, trolls, poison apples, porridge stealing blondes… 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 27/08/2026Trump way better than Augustus: “I found a city of marble and left a city of rubble.” 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/08/2026As he never presides over anything and only grifts lies and bloviates, in his dishonor can we update the title of the commander in chief to Prevaricant? 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 25/08/2026You have to hand it to Trump though; his Gofundme is easily the most successful ever. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026I may not have bangs anymore but I can still comb my hair over my eyes. Granted it’s my eyebrows. 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026Clarification 8 is for the 8 years stolen from us 6 is for 666, number of the beast 4 is for the horsemen he unleashed 7 is for the deadly sins he embodies Put them all together they say Impeach. Convict. Remove This stupid motherfucker killing us. 1/2 120
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026Vehicles with stickers on them saying, “This vehicle makes sudden stops.” Surely that’s a choice! Personally, I’m going with, “This vehicle makes sudden stops. Not doing deliveries; I’m just a terrible driver,” or, “Frequent stops. It’s a piece of crap car.” 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026It’s not the end of the world. If it were, you would notice. Briefly. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026I’m calling him the presidentikit and I don’t care if nobody under 60 gets the reference. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026I query this is the day the lord has made. That seems oddly specific. He just made today and then buggered off? Well that explains a lot actually. Gonna email the church with this on their electronic sign. HEY! You said that about YESTERDAY! 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 22/08/2026August 22, 2026. Donald Trump is in his second term in the White House, giving nightmare meaning to Celebrity Apprentice, fighting Operation Perpetual Distraction to make the world safe for never being able to afford anything again. 1/2 120
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/08/2026Company finally figured it out. They sent Cheezits and Milky Ways, two items no human has ever intentionally eaten so we’ll never run out of snacks and thus never ask again. 140
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/08/2026Shouldn’t executive producers produce executives? 050
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/08/2026Wife left a kitchen knife on a wireless phone charging pad and the little light was shining yellow. I’m HOPING that this meant, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I CAN’T CHARGE THAT!” but am afraid that it’s an amber light warning that the knife achieved sentience. 1100
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 18/08/2026Little Steven needs to rerelease this now that the School of the Americas has come home. #littlestevie #protest #noice youtu.be/wW9aIyvhIzs?...youtu.beLos Desaparecidos (The Disappeared Ones)YouTube video by Little Steven - Topic 011