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John Dantzler

@johnmdantzler.bsky.social
2.3K followers 2.4K following 990 posts

Fled FB, Tweeter, Threads. Leukemia victor, SC native resister, smart aleck. Profanity is not unlikely. Putting the 4 yo in 64 yo thru 5/26/27. A guy with the exact same name and face writes the same stuff only longer at substack.com/@johnmdantzler

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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Trader Joe’s sells Trek Mix. Picturing boldly hiking where no man has gone before.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Saw diesel under $6 for a second so Jared must have completed the all important Western Sahara-New Hebrides peace treaty.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
If an infarction is bad, how do I get an outfarction?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
The drive through sign is up at the Panda Express under construction on Harbison Boulevard so I did.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
We bought a five lb bag of polenta, as we are aspiring peasants.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Coco, Reader Advisor
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I wish I were still limber enough to walk across the hoods of cars whose drivers choose to stop atop pedestrian crossings. “Ooh! Cramp!” would somewhat undercut the message.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
We totally missed a trick not calling the administration Breakin’ America 2: Electric Boogaloo
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Men need to start wearing cosmetics so that we might wash our faces every now and again.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Coco’s Grifters Today cover shot
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
The ICE buddy movie will be called Mullet and Dunlap.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I’m not saying the economy is bad but Google Maps changed the United States label to Spirit Halloween.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Somewhat wistful that my entire adult life has been spent witnessing the descent and destruction of my nation and probably thus of the world. How’s everything at Megiddo?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I think all our bases are belong to them. I make no claims to be a military genius but if there is a country that has been calling you the Great Satan for almost 50 years, you might consider the possibility that they have formulated some kind of plan for when active hostilities break out.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I’m writing a locked door mystery. The key is—oh darn it, I gave it away!
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
iPhone weather app outdoes itself with “wind gusts up to 3 mph.” I’m looking up evacuation routes.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
My Purely Elizabeth cereal trumpets that it is baked with coconut oil. Not a cereal mogul, but I find that ovens work better.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
"South Carolina is too small for a republic, but too large for an insane asylum."— James Louis Petigru But if he were alive today: “The US is too insane for a republic but too large for an asylum.”
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
He never cared for Moscow Mitch. I wonder if he will like Zombie Mitch better.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Lost chord jokes through the years: Hey, I found the Lost Chord! Now what do I do? Hey, I found the Lost Chord! I KNEW I left it around here somewhere! My New Year’s resolutions include the Lost Chord.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
If fundamentalists can pray the gay away, why don’t they carry on with it and shut up. If their God, who as I understand it is an awesome God, can change people from the way He made them at an outsider’s arbitrary request, well let’s see it. Or maybe, I dunno, God is wiser than they are.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
People fear the chupacabra but that’s because they haven’t seen the chupapoopa.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Bari Weiss CBS News style guide Gulf of Mexico: Gulf of America Lake Ontario: Lake America New Mexico: New America Donald J. Trump: Dear Leader Big Mac Daddy Emperor with LOTS of clothes Tariff Sheriff Elon Musk: probably God David Ellison: probably Jesus Canada: 51st state Mexico: 52d 1/2
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
It is rather gracious of Trump to make every mother fucking world leader who stands up to him look like Churchill.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
We bought a mandolin slicer. Anybody got a spare mandolin?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
I think I have our theme song for November 3: youtu.be/cyMsvE8UcbI?...
youtu.be
Ann Peebles - I'm Gonna Tear Your Playhouse Down (Official Audio)
YouTube video by Fat Possum Records
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Spirit Halloween banners are up. Somebody check the Kennedy Center.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Nobody needs to assassinate billionaires and trillionaires. Just get them competing to outstupid each other. “On his Hawaiian island where nobody can see, Zuckerberg is being fitted with gills and fins so he can live in the ocean, but Musk & Bezos don’t have the cojones or enough money to do that.”
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
I think we should definitely go along with Trump’s desire to rename everything, preferably after himself. The Gulf of Loser. Lake Loser. The Loser Performing Arts Center. Loser International Airport. The Strait of Loser…
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
He looks a little Dopey
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Old fat Donald’s server farm/AI AI Oh
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Who else thinks Trump made Junior, Eric and Barron sign binding pre-birth agreements in utero?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Trump’s president a second time. The Knicks win the title. Are you seriously trying to tell me we haven’t died and gone to h-e-double-toothpicks?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
I had a fairy tale childhood—witches, trolls, poison apples, porridge stealing blondes…
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Trump way better than Augustus: “I found a city of marble and left a city of rubble.”
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
As he never presides over anything and only grifts lies and bloviates, in his dishonor can we update the title of the commander in chief to Prevaricant?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
You have to hand it to Trump though; his Gofundme is easily the most successful ever.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
I may not have bangs anymore but I can still comb my hair over my eyes. Granted it’s my eyebrows.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
Clarification 8 is for the 8 years stolen from us 6 is for 666, number of the beast 4 is for the horsemen he unleashed 7 is for the deadly sins he embodies Put them all together they say Impeach. Convict. Remove This stupid motherfucker killing us. 1/2
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
Vehicles with stickers on them saying, “This vehicle makes sudden stops.” Surely that’s a choice! Personally, I’m going with, “This vehicle makes sudden stops. Not doing deliveries; I’m just a terrible driver,” or, “Frequent stops. It’s a piece of crap car.”
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
Hemaris Thysbe is my new pen name
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
It’s not the end of the world. If it were, you would notice. Briefly.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
I’m calling him the presidentikit and I don’t care if nobody under 60 gets the reference.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
I query this is the day the lord has made. That seems oddly specific. He just made today and then buggered off? Well that explains a lot actually. Gonna email the church with this on their electronic sign. HEY! You said that about YESTERDAY!
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Spectacular
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
August 22, 2026. Donald Trump is in his second term in the White House, giving nightmare meaning to Celebrity Apprentice, fighting Operation Perpetual Distraction to make the world safe for never being able to afford anything again. 1/2
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Company finally figured it out. They sent Cheezits and Milky Ways, two items no human has ever intentionally eaten so we’ll never run out of snacks and thus never ask again.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Shouldn’t executive producers produce executives?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Wife left a kitchen knife on a wireless phone charging pad and the little light was shining yellow. I’m HOPING that this meant, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I CAN’T CHARGE THAT!” but am afraid that it’s an amber light warning that the knife achieved sentience.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Little Steven needs to rerelease this now that the School of the Americas has come home. #littlestevie #protest #noice youtu.be/wW9aIyvhIzs?...
youtu.be
Los Desaparecidos (The Disappeared Ones)
YouTube video by Little Steven - Topic
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