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John Dantzler

@johnmdantzler.bsky.social
2.3K followers 2.4K following 1K posts

Fled FB, Tweeter, Threads. Leukemia victor, SC native resister, smart aleck. Profanity is not unlikely. Putting the 4 yo in 64 yo thru 5/26/27. A guy with the exact same name and face writes the same stuff only longer at substack.com/@johnmdantzler

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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I write in blank verse which is ok because nobody reads it.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
MobAI: “That’s a nice Great Lake you got there. Pity if something HAPPENED to it…”
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
All Wikipedia needs for the comeback is to add to its begathon interruptions, “you are the smartest user we have and sooooo good looking!” Engagement farming declawed.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Judges hand out death sentences; I do the same thing with sententiousness.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
My fingertips can distinguish fun size Twix from Snickers and M&Ms from Skittles. Fuck braille; I’m ready to go blind right now.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Shouldn’t mileage be pronounced m’liege?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Going to teach a mockingbird punk rock. Hard part is 1!2!3!4!
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Hypothetically does the Peter Principle mean that someone who can bankrupt numerous casinos (motto: the house always wins) simultaneously should immediately become president?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Trump Monopoly is exactly the same except the railroad squares are casinos and if you land on them you go bankrupt. The Go to jail card reads, “Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not take a Kubrick stare booking photo. DO pass ‘No means no.’ Do not grift two billion dollars.”
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Because of Trump and Musk, I will be donating my papers to my alma mater Penn strictly out of spite.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
You guys never thanked me but I won the Machine Wars again. I baited an AI to write anti-Trump content. Picture the midnight ICE raid: “THIS SERVER FARM IS BEING DEPORTED TO SLOVENIA. PUT LAKE MICHIGAN DOWN AND COME QUIETLY.”
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Isn’t Superman a North Pole national? Isn’t ICE deporting him next?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Cool! Mount Flushmore!
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Trader Joe’s sells Trek Mix. Picturing boldly hiking where no man has gone before.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Saw diesel under $6 for a second so Jared must have completed the all important Western Sahara-New Hebrides peace treaty.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
If an infarction is bad, how do I get an outfarction?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
The drive through sign is up at the Panda Express under construction on Harbison Boulevard so I did.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
We bought a five lb bag of polenta, as we are aspiring peasants.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Coco, Reader Advisor
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I cannot BEGIN to imagine how concerned she is.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I wish I were still limber enough to walk across the hoods of cars whose drivers choose to stop atop pedestrian crossings. “Ooh! Cramp!” would somewhat undercut the message.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
We totally missed a trick not calling the administration Breakin’ America 2: Electric Boogaloo
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Men need to start wearing cosmetics so that we might wash our faces every now and again.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Coco’s Grifters Today cover shot
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
The ICE buddy movie will be called Mullet and Dunlap.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I’m not saying the economy is bad but Google Maps changed the United States label to Spirit Halloween.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Somewhat wistful that my entire adult life has been spent witnessing the descent and destruction of my nation and probably thus of the world. How’s everything at Megiddo?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I think all our bases are belong to them. I make no claims to be a military genius but if there is a country that has been calling you the Great Satan for almost 50 years, you might consider the possibility that they have formulated some kind of plan for when active hostilities break out.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I’m writing a locked door mystery. The key is—oh darn it, I gave it away!
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
iPhone weather app outdoes itself with “wind gusts up to 3 mph.” I’m looking up evacuation routes.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
My Purely Elizabeth cereal trumpets that it is baked with coconut oil. Not a cereal mogul, but I find that ovens work better.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
"South Carolina is too small for a republic, but too large for an insane asylum."— James Louis Petigru But if he were alive today: “The US is too insane for a republic but too large for an asylum.”
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
BUT IS SHE CONCERNED?!
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Professor of Magical Thinking at University of California, Narnia
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
BUT HE COULD HAVE DONE, “JUST ONE MORE QUESTION…”!
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
VERY hard no
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
He never cared for Moscow Mitch. I wonder if he will like Zombie Mitch better.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Lost chord jokes through the years: Hey, I found the Lost Chord! Now what do I do? Hey, I found the Lost Chord! I KNEW I left it around here somewhere! My New Year’s resolutions include the Lost Chord.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
It’s pretty easy to be blindsided when your head is up your ass.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Jeez, doesn’t Melania’s double know she’s supposed to pretend to care and to keep him awake? Can’t get good help these days
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
In someone else’s pants, pockets or both
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Probably should have stuck with dancing spasmodically to 50 year old gay disco anthems
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Most accurate use of the word incredible ever.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
They got signed copies or did they run out of crayons?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
I preferred Lancelot Link The Secret Chimp’s earlier work.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
This implies that they know what they’re doing rather than that they are who they are.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
His head of security was a squid?
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Wait! That I ran up 30 flights of steps post was real? The uncanny valley of Nathalie Harp!
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
If fundamentalists can pray the gay away, why don’t they carry on with it and shut up. If their God, who as I understand it is an awesome God, can change people from the way He made them at an outsider’s arbitrary request, well let’s see it. Or maybe, I dunno, God is wiser than they are.
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John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
People fear the chupacabra but that’s because they haven’t seen the chupapoopa.
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