John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 05/10/2026I write in blank verse which is ok because nobody reads it. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 05/10/2026MobAI: “That’s a nice Great Lake you got there. Pity if something HAPPENED to it…” 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 05/10/2026All Wikipedia needs for the comeback is to add to its begathon interruptions, “you are the smartest user we have and sooooo good looking!” Engagement farming declawed. 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Judges hand out death sentences; I do the same thing with sententiousness. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 05/10/2026My fingertips can distinguish fun size Twix from Snickers and M&Ms from Skittles. Fuck braille; I’m ready to go blind right now. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 04/10/2026Going to teach a mockingbird punk rock. Hard part is 1!2!3!4! 020
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 03/10/2026Hypothetically does the Peter Principle mean that someone who can bankrupt numerous casinos (motto: the house always wins) simultaneously should immediately become president? 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 03/10/2026Trump Monopoly is exactly the same except the railroad squares are casinos and if you land on them you go bankrupt. The Go to jail card reads, “Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not take a Kubrick stare booking photo. DO pass ‘No means no.’ Do not grift two billion dollars.” 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 03/10/2026Because of Trump and Musk, I will be donating my papers to my alma mater Penn strictly out of spite. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 03/10/2026You guys never thanked me but I won the Machine Wars again. I baited an AI to write anti-Trump content. Picture the midnight ICE raid: “THIS SERVER FARM IS BEING DEPORTED TO SLOVENIA. PUT LAKE MICHIGAN DOWN AND COME QUIETLY.” 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 03/10/2026Isn’t Superman a North Pole national? Isn’t ICE deporting him next? 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Trader Joe’s sells Trek Mix. Picturing boldly hiking where no man has gone before. 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Saw diesel under $6 for a second so Jared must have completed the all important Western Sahara-New Hebrides peace treaty. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026If an infarction is bad, how do I get an outfarction? 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026The drive through sign is up at the Panda Express under construction on Harbison Boulevard so I did. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 26/09/2026We bought a five lb bag of polenta, as we are aspiring peasants. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 22/09/2026I cannot BEGIN to imagine how concerned she is. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026I wish I were still limber enough to walk across the hoods of cars whose drivers choose to stop atop pedestrian crossings. “Ooh! Cramp!” would somewhat undercut the message. 030
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026We totally missed a trick not calling the administration Breakin’ America 2: Electric Boogaloo 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026Men need to start wearing cosmetics so that we might wash our faces every now and again. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026The ICE buddy movie will be called Mullet and Dunlap. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026I’m not saying the economy is bad but Google Maps changed the United States label to Spirit Halloween. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026Somewhat wistful that my entire adult life has been spent witnessing the descent and destruction of my nation and probably thus of the world. How’s everything at Megiddo? 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026I think all our bases are belong to them. I make no claims to be a military genius but if there is a country that has been calling you the Great Satan for almost 50 years, you might consider the possibility that they have formulated some kind of plan for when active hostilities break out. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026I’m writing a locked door mystery. The key is—oh darn it, I gave it away! 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026iPhone weather app outdoes itself with “wind gusts up to 3 mph.” I’m looking up evacuation routes. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026My Purely Elizabeth cereal trumpets that it is baked with coconut oil. Not a cereal mogul, but I find that ovens work better. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 19/09/2026"South Carolina is too small for a republic, but too large for an insane asylum."— James Louis Petigru But if he were alive today: “The US is too insane for a republic but too large for an asylum.” 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Professor of Magical Thinking at University of California, Narnia 140
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 15/09/2026BUT HE COULD HAVE DONE, “JUST ONE MORE QUESTION…”! 030
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 14/09/2026He never cared for Moscow Mitch. I wonder if he will like Zombie Mitch better. 020
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 13/09/2026Lost chord jokes through the years: Hey, I found the Lost Chord! Now what do I do? Hey, I found the Lost Chord! I KNEW I left it around here somewhere! My New Year’s resolutions include the Lost Chord. 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 12/09/2026It’s pretty easy to be blindsided when your head is up your ass. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 12/09/2026Jeez, doesn’t Melania’s double know she’s supposed to pretend to care and to keep him awake? Can’t get good help these days 001
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 11/09/2026Probably should have stuck with dancing spasmodically to 50 year old gay disco anthems 011
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Most accurate use of the word incredible ever. 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 10/09/2026They got signed copies or did they run out of crayons? 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 10/09/2026I preferred Lancelot Link The Secret Chimp’s earlier work. 020
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 10/09/2026This implies that they know what they’re doing rather than that they are who they are. 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 09/09/2026Wait! That I ran up 30 flights of steps post was real? The uncanny valley of Nathalie Harp! 000
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 09/09/2026If fundamentalists can pray the gay away, why don’t they carry on with it and shut up. If their God, who as I understand it is an awesome God, can change people from the way He made them at an outsider’s arbitrary request, well let’s see it. Or maybe, I dunno, God is wiser than they are. 010
John Dantzler @johnmdantzler.bsky.social · 08/09/2026People fear the chupacabra but that’s because they haven’t seen the chupapoopa. 020