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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him)

@jackandjillcpl.bsky.social
311 followers 160 following 8.9K posts

Uncoupled neurodivergent polyam atheist geek/Oxford comma user/nazi puncher with library cards in four NorCal counties. Sleepwalking cheetah with a heart full of napalm. Elon hater before it was hip. Suburban and boring, but in a really sexy way. NSFW.

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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 13m
I spent the last couple days wondering why the spectacle of a supposedly genius trap backfiring due to the abject stupidity of the entrapper felt so familiar. Then it hit me. Wile E. Coyote.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 20h
My neurodivergent brain adjusted quickly to the chaos and we ended up having a really great time. In fact, watching Sublime with my kid was one of the all-time best concertgoing experiences of my life.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 22h
(It's me. I've been high since like one. Not by choice.)
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 22h
They're not the only ones doing drugs.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
This week's #ThursdayThirstTrap was taken in a very pricey (but comped!) penthouse hotel suite. No, I'm not there right now.
Hotel-bathroom-mirror selfie of a hot guy (me) mostly bathed in shadows. He is heavily implied to be naked, though. He holds his phone in his left hand as his right hand hangs at his side. Behind him, various expensive hotel room details can be seen, including a huge glass-enclosed shower.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Today I spent $120 on parking to justify the already expensive festival tickets I bought my kid for Christmas (not thinking I'd be the parent who'd end up taking her). To say I'm far outside my comfort zone is an understatement. But she's having a blast, and that's why I do everything I do.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
One of many reasons why I don't allow people who voted for Trump in my life. Even the repentant ones can get fucked with a broken bottle unless I see them actively working to fix their mistake.
Close-up on the digital readout on a gas pump. Regular unleaded gas is $6.09.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Some days, I think I'm the most loathsome, valueless person on the planet. Other days, like today, I wonder how many people in my support group have fantasized about me, and I assume it's most of them. I'm a hot guy who's actively working on his mental health. That's gotta flip some switches.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
All kidding aside, don't get naked with someone unless you're absolutely sure they're not a pro-fascist piece of shit.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Why do Zoom meetings make me horny? This is the least arousing environment I can imagine.
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Reposted by Jack O. Lantern (He/Him)
Kaitlin Kal Lee @kaitlinkallee.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I just realized that this was the first even-numbered summer since 2020 that didn't see me getting Covid.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Imagine the abusive meltdown Eric Schmitt's staff was witness to after the hearing.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Am I misremembering, or did Tony Danza appear in a TV commercial for Trojan in the early '90s? I'm certain I saw it, but I can't find mention of it online.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Leave it to Fallon to platform another right-wing piece of shit.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Tonight I'm probably going to skip dinner, because some nights I can't muster the energy (or cash) to make sure my daughter and her visiting girlfriend eat dinner and then do the same for myself, and tonight is one of those nights.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Nothing much, just standing in the only working shower at the condo waiting for the water to reach lukewarm at the very least.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Kind of a quiet, lonely night. I picked up my daughter and her GF after play rehearsal, took them to get boba tea, took them to pick up dinner, and now they're watching TV or whatever while I hang out in what used to be my office. I'd have a drink, but there's no alcohol in the house anymore.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
"It's like Obsession if it fucking sucked" is a movie review I just got from my daughter.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Since I didn't finish this Halloween-themed story by October 31, 2025, I'm planning to post it at my blog next month. Granted, because my security certificate is still expired, I doubt anyone's going to read it, but that's where it'll be.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
If it doesn't violate the spirit of this challenge, I am considering doing this throughout October, as I did with last year's self-love thing (unless you're planning to do that again next month).
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I imagine Miller's fear tastes like a three-way at Disneyland on Christmas, and I want to fucking mainline that shit.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
For a guy who seems to do all his press conferences within earshot of a running helicopter, I can't say I expected Trump to wince at the sound of a flyover. Imagine what Fox News would say if Obama did that. Or even Biden.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
It's Thursday. Here's a #ThursdayThirstTrap.
Standard full-length mirror selfie featuring a man - me - wearing a dark red or burgundy dress shirt and black or charcoal gray pants. My left hand is in my pocket, and my right hand holds my camera in front of my face. Despite the fact that I'm standing in front of a full-length mirror, the shot terminates just above my knees.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
That's if no one else needs a piece of my time this evening. And someone invariably does.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Tonight I'm making myself the chocolate milkshake I've been promising myself I'd have for the last couple nights. Before I'll allow myself that, I need to pack a bag (I'm heading to the Bay Area tomorrow), work on the final draft of a story, and get 3,000 more steps.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I don't like being dishonest and I don't like making light of dementia; a few of my relatives have suffered from cognitive decline in their old age. Nonetheless, I'm inclined to think that "lol I have no idea what any of that means" might be a viable way of responding to these messages.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
My favorite part of my life right now is definitely having to reply to text messages from concerned friends, relatives, and former high school classmates who my mom's run into in public and, despite repeatedly being asked not to, given details about what's going on with me.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
"The only thing that's gotten more affordable since [Trump returned to office] is Ed Sheeran tickets." - Seth Meyers
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Hey look, Seth Meyers is back on after seven goddamn weeks.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Who's got two thumbs and just spent twenty minutes flushing super glue out of his eye?
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
This just happened again.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
About ten minutes ago, I got distracted from something I've been painting by a crossword puzzle on the newspaper I laid out underneath it. So I took ten minutes, completed the crossword puzzle, and now I'm back at it.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
This is a dance off. If you see this, post a dance.
static.klipy.com
Ben Chang & Dean Pelton Dancing - Community
Alt: Ben Chang & Dean Pelton Dancing - Community
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
My mom just told me she subscribed to TV Guide for the first time in probably close to twenty years because she found a good deal and because she misses it. Guess it's time to use my durable power of attorney.
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Reposted by Jack O. Lantern (He/Him)
geist @prettyvulgar.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I wanna 𝘴𝘢𝘺 stuff. I just don’t wanna 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 to anybody.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
This morning I drove about forty minutes to meet my parents and a visiting relative for breakfast. I had a nice time, but at some point it occurred to me that I'd love to occasionally have human contact with people closer to my own age.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
This is after thirty cents in fuel rewards at Safeway.
Digital readout on a gas pump that reads "5.539" for regular unleaded gasoline.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I wish I had someone to get off with tonight.
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Reposted by Jack O. Lantern (He/Him)
Shana @shanamd.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I am SORRY for sharing something that was posted on the other place, but this is too good.
The future pope at a party with a caption “they don’t know I’m the future pope”
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Memorial Day weekend. My bad.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Nothing much, just finishing my bottle of Four Roses to steady my nerves.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Here's a #ThursdayThirstTrap.
Low-angle shot of a naked hairy white guy (me) standing underneath the showerhead in a shower/tub combo in a typical suburban bathroom. I am facing away from the camera, my right arm raised and bent across my upper body, unseen beyond the elbow. Meanwhile my left arm appears to be similarly bent, my fingers barely visible on my right shoulder. The camera is situated in front of a mound of discarded clothing - khaki shorts and a belt with a prominent buckle, a pair of Champion-brand boxer briefs, and a white sock, surely part of a pair. Behind these clothes my lower body is mostly unseen, though my hot ass is definitely visible. Also, the shower curtain, pulled all the way to the right, appears to have been styled after the TARDIS from Doctor Who.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I honestly don't believe that living with me was sufficiently terrible to warrant any of this.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I just experienced cold for the first time since probably May.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Shit, only 70° at 7:15. Maybe I'll go for a run - my first in probably more than a month.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Kind of wishing I had therapy tomorrow, because last week's session ended on a huge cliffhanger.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I haven't had my contacts in this late in a long time.
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Reposted by Jack O. Lantern (He/Him)
Michael Harriot @michaelharriot.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Notice how those “apolitical” people ALWAYS end up siding with the oppressors
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I dreamt that Patriots owner Robert Kraft was producing a modern remake of The Fellowship of the Ring, about a squad of special forces guys who venture into Russia to retrieve a stolen Super Bowl ring. Soundtrack by Ed Sheeran, obviously.
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