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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him)

@jackandjillcpl.bsky.social
314 followers 160 following 8.9K posts

Uncoupled neurodivergent polyam atheist geek/Oxford comma user/nazi puncher with library cards in four NorCal counties. Sleepwalking cheetah with a heart full of napalm. Elon hater before it was hip. Suburban and boring, but in a really sexy way. NSFW.

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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 14h
You are breathtaking.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 14h
I always miss these!
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 17h
I feel this so much. I'm sorry you're going through it.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 17h
Okay, I've gotta ask - what did you watch?
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 17h
Never thought I'd say it, but this would probably fix me.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 17h
Home tonight. Back down Thursday. Back up Monday.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
"Ice agents will reportedly start using shock gloves, which do not leave marks, and cause incredible pain. Hopefully to an agent who forgets to take them off at the urinal." - Michael Che
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Reposted by Jack O. Lantern (He/Him)
Art Of Coop @artofcoop.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
every UFC fight I've ever seen looked like a monkey trying to fuck a football, so by all means let them train the FBI, it'll be hilarious
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Reposted by Jack O. Lantern (He/Him)
Race Bannon @racebannon.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Have someone MAGA in your life? Divorce your MAGA husband. Divorce your MAGA wife. Never date a MAGA person. Cut off your MAGA family. Stop seeing your MAGA friends. Tell them why.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
I'm really tired, and I should already be asleep. But I don't see myself shutting down this time. May as well find something to read/delete unnecessary phone files/find something to jerk off to.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Been nearly two months since my 40s ended and honestly it's not bad!
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Three 911 calls in ten hours. This feels like that SNL sketch where a bunch of stuffy college professors get high on very strong weed and believe they're dying, and eventually Ego Nwodim's 911 dispatcher says she's going to stop taking their calls. 
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Aaaand we're back upstairs after the third fire alarm-related evacuation in ten hours. On the way in, I told the firefighters who came to investigate that I hoped this would be the last one of the night. Which is what I told them at 10:30 as well.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Third time in ten hours. I believe this is a new record.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Happened again at 9:30. Tonight I'm sleeping with my shoes, T-shirt, and keys right beside the couch just in case.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Just discovered this place - there's one about fifteen minutes from where I live now - and I don't know how I made it fifty years without it.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Artificial intelligence. Gulf of Mexico. Kennedy Center. Lake Ontario. Mount Denali. Department of Defense. U.S. Institute of Peace. Anything I'm forgetting?
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Ah yes, the not-quite-forgotten tradition of an unexpected fire alarm and building evacuation within twenty-four hours of a standard building-wide alarm test (which was conducted yesterday). First time I've dealt with this since I moved out. On the plus side, it didn't happen at 2:00 AM this time.
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Reposted by Jack O. Lantern (He/Him)
Mayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani @mayor.nyc.gov · 09/10/2026
This afternoon in Marble Hill, a New Yorker was shot by an ICE agent in a residential neighborhood. Early reports indicate agents surrounded him and a 5-year-old child in his car before firing multiple rounds. We believe the child was physically unharmed.

This is an unconscionable and incredibly serious situation. I have called the President; when we speak I will demand that he ends all ICE enforcement actions in our city. I will not stand by while ICE agents terrorize our communities.

Our thoughts are with the injured New Yorker and his family tonight. We are praying for his recovery.

Get ICE out of our neighborhoods. Get ICE out of our hospitals. Get ICE off our streets. Get ICE away from our children.

Abolish ICE.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Fallon's monologue tonight may be the worst he's ever done. Perhaps even the worst monologue in the history of late-night, and that does take into account all twenty-nine episodes of The Chevy Chase Show. At this point, the only thing worth tuning in for is The Roots, and even that's iffy.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Support group was rough today. Lots of talk about heavy subjects, and I participated my ass off so it was doubly draining.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
It's the spider's kitchen now.
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Reposted by Jack O. Lantern (He/Him)
GrillCheezKilla @grillcheezkilla.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
How I met my husband
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
90° and it's not even 11:00. This is ridiculous. I look so good in jeans and a hoodie, and it is not fair that I must deprive the world of the sight of me dressed that way. Obviously I look great in shorts and a T-shirt, but that's what I've been wearing since April. I'm bored with it.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Fuck. I really liked this guy. Oh well.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Thank you both!
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
This was exactly the response I was hoping for.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Thank you for being amused by my inane bullshit. :)
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
You love to see it.
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Reposted by Jack O. Lantern (He/Him)
Girl on the Net @girlonthenet.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
If falsely accusing people of rape was a quick route to easy money, like they claim, these incel manosphere grifters would be doing it all the time.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Problematic: “I didn't make a mistake.” Better alternative: “I do not make mistakes.” Rationale: Simple statement of fact.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Problematic: “That doesn't make any sense.” Better alternative: “You do not make any sense.” Rationale: Expresses judgment of Offending Party rather than of the situation.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Problematic: “You did this wrong.” Better alternative: “I thought you were smarter/more capable than this.” Rationale: Expresses personal disappointment rather than just objective fact.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Problematic: “I told you so.” Better alternative: “It's common sense.” Rationale: Reminds Offending Party that they lack the capacity for basic practical knowledge and judgment.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Problematic: “You always mess everything up.” Better alternative: “You always mess everything up. Your parents must be so ashamed.” Rationale: Provides greater context; reminds Offending Party that they're not the only person whose feelings matter.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Problematic: “That's not good enough.” Better alternative: “That's terrible.” Rationale: Loss of one entire syllable saves time.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Problematic: “You're wrong.” Better alternative: “I'm always right.” Rationale: “I” statements establish dominance; speaking in absolutes leaves no room for ambiguity.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Problematic: "I'm better than you at this task." Better alternative: "You are worse at this task than anybody else." Rationale: Decentering oneself allows for greater objective focus.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Problematic: "You should have known better." Better alternative: "I can't believe how stupid you are." Rationale: Shaming provides greater negative reinforcement and is more likely to prevent future errors.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Problematic: "I can't believe you thought this was a good idea." Better alternative: "Your ideas are bad." Rationale: More direct and to-the-point, and based on observable, objective fact.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Problematic: "You're doing that wrong." Better alternative: "You're doing that wrong. Just leave. I'll do it myself." Rationale: Judgment and passive aggression are more effective than judgment alone. Dismissal reminds Offending Party of their lack of worth.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Problematic: "You should do this for me." Better alternative: "You'd better do this for me." Rationale: "You'd better" sounds more threatening than "you should", and is more likely to result in compliance.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
See? Less self-criticism, less shaming, and less accusation! You'd be surprised to learn just how easy it is to reprogram our brains by thinking differently. But this technique doesn't just work on statements of self-judgment. It can also be used to settle personal and professional conflicts.
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Self-judgment: “That compliment they just paid me wasn't genuine. They didn't really mean it.” Mindful reframing: “That compliment they just paid me didn't flatter me enough.”
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Self-judgment: “If I was a better partner, our relationship would have worked out.” Mindful reframing: “If my partner wasn't an idiot, our relationship would have worked out.”
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Self-judgment: “Nobody will ever love me.” Mindful reframing: “Anyone who doesn't love me is stupid.”
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Self-judgment: “My lived experience is less valid than someone else's.” Mindful reframing: “No one else's lived experience is as valid as mine.”
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Self-judgment: “It's my fault that this happened.” Mindful reframing: “It's your fault that this happened.”
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Jack O. Lantern (He/Him) @jackandjillcpl.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Self-judgment: “I'm an idiot.” Mindful reframing: “You're an idiot.”
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