Alt: Shredder, doing a little dance. Maybe at the thought of destroying years if redundant paperwork?

Alt: Windsor Davies as Sergeant Major: Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

Alt: Bill Nye The Science Guy, on some kind of space backdrop green screen. The caption says: “That just makes no fucking sense. I mean, that’s just bullshit. Fuck.” Which is an apt description of the weather today, at time of posting.

ALT: It Is Your Birthday.

Alt: Ryan Gosling in a tux, clapping enthusiastically. At an awards do, we must assume.

Alt: Ryan Gosling in a full tux (at an awards do, we must assume), applauding handsomely.