the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 16/10/2025I can replay the twitter hits on here for 6 likes, life is amazing 0281
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 16/10/2025You don't even realize that I've killed you, that's how killed you are. That's how I've killed you you are 080
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 16/10/2025I think I am being feasted upon by the invisible 062
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 23/05/2025getting hit by a city bus probably feels like receiving a warm hug from a friend 0183
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 03/05/2025[whistling nonchalantly, looks down at the blade sticking out of my stomach] oh right, I’ve been run through 0103
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 03/05/2025it’s all about listening to your body, the immense pain in the area surrounding my left eye is my body’s way of telling me that my eye is bad and needs to be removed immediately 0154
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 25/04/2025Posting is like showing a little shoulder and batting your eyes, letting out a "yoo-hoo" and dropping your handkerchief 0142
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 25/04/2025My career as a slippery Wild West outlaw was tragically cut short after being shot to death by every sheriff from every county all at once 1123
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 24/04/2025Asking a bug to explain itself then laughing while it struggles to produce a single word 1386
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 24/04/2025Tossing a quarter to a squirrel, finger guns at a stray cat, putting my jacket over a puddle for a rat, dapping up a cockroach 0205
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 22/04/2025hey bro you left your intoxicatingly sweet scent at my apartment.. and it's fading... 0347
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 22/04/2025The bus driver is making me ride up front with him, something about wanting "to savor every moment of our time together".. he's talking about how he can go fast if he wants to but isn't afraid to take it slow 0122
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 21/04/2025My homunculus was killed during his Uber Eats shift. [looks over at a holstered gun lying on a table and sighs] the one day he forgets his service weapon.. 0183
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 21/04/2025People keep trying to kidnap my homunculus when he delivers their Uber Eats orders. They try to lure him inside, offering candy or power. Poor little guy, he’s quite shaken, he didn’t know the world was this malicious 0101
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 21/04/2025If I was sucked into a jet engine they wouldn’t turn around and land for maintenance, they would just keep going. The pilots would say “wow we must have hit a fly or something extremely small and insignificant” The flight attendants would pass out refreshments 0346
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 21/04/2025I keep an alien frozen in my garage freezer and thaw him out when guests come over so we can play the game "catch the alien before he tells his alien superiors to blow up the planet" 0122
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 21/04/2025felt wrong to copy and paste my tweets here... these are two different accounts, two different people 140
Reposted by the heartSHREW @shrewtape.bsky.social · 13/02/2025[Congressional hearing] What does it mean to post? (Leaning down to speak into the mic) To post is to dream. That is my belief. [An aide holds up a tweet printed on cardboard] And how often to you dream of "getting sucked off by the great beyond?" (Sweating) Um... Well... That's out of context... 110322
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 12/02/2025I don't think I'm dying but I've been wrong before 0122
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 12/02/2025she left me for a 55 gallon steel drum of gasoline. a damn 55 gallon steel drum of gasoline, hoss. 0111
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 12/02/2025giving you my diseased heart as an act of biological terrorism 0101
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 12/02/2025me: why I oughta… [looks down, dejected] …stand up for myself. one day. maybe tomorrow my wife: [finishing up strapping me to a giant rocket] You’re going to go sooo high 😃 0153
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 29/01/2025I have my own doomsday clock but I’m not telling anyone what time it is 0202
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 28/01/2025[seeing two mutuals I don’t know flirt on the timeline] let me get in on this 0476
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 28/01/2025[holds a lantern up to your face and recoils in disgust] oh what the hell, fuck that [hands you your ID back] yeah we can’t let you into the alehouse. *snickering* try the stables the loaded crossbow hidden beneath your cloak: 0161
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 28/01/2025seems like nobody knows what “oneshotted” means. okay imagine being shot in the head, 0120
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 27/01/2025[showing grace in defeat] *muttering* weapons, need weapons. I must stockpile weapons.. siege engines... 0407
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 27/01/2025*walking up to the librarian* excuse me, books on becoming a beast? books on going from man to beast? 210631
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 16/12/2024do you "people" even care about me. do you "people" recognize my humanity 190
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 21/11/2024I made an account on twitter too if you're interested 1251
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 20/11/2024I feel like I'm the only leftist poster on this damn website 2332
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 20/11/2024the therapeutic benefits of pondering the slug 0201
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 20/11/2024please don't interact with my posts. it stresses me the fuck out 3331
Reposted by the heartfurby hancock @furbyhancock.bsky.social · 18/11/2024Kill shelters transitioning to "torture-only model" in partial victory for animal rights advocates 1538
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 17/11/2024I don't want to leave my tweets behind, I like some of them 2210
Reposted by the heartRichard Vein @veinrichard.bsky.social · 15/11/2024does this site let you say stuff like let's give nukes to iran #explodetelaviv 0243
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 15/11/2024the unspoken heroism in being put down like a sick dog by your family 0142
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 14/11/2024this is my son and my partner rizzler plainview 0110
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 12/11/2024I'm sorry about not posting here, you make me nervous hehe 0141
the heart @fredward3948576.bsky.social · 10/11/2024it feels nice to be a small account again. twitter fredwards ego got too big, had to beat him with a shovel 2241
