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Reposted by Duncan Graham

Larry the Cat @number10cat.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

We should put this sign on every politician's desk

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 22/07/2026

@sarahandco.bsky.social asked me how you spot a blind man in a nudist colony? I said "It's not hard". #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

@sarahandco.bsky.social is REALLY bad at first aid. She was asking how to take someone's temperature and I said "use a thermometer". She asked what's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer, and I said "usually the taste!" #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

@sarahandco.bsky.social and I were talking about nicknames. I asked what her nicknames are? Sez replied "People normally call me 'Hey, You!' or 'Stop, Thief!'". #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 15/07/2026

@sarahandco.bsky.social proudly told me that she'd finished her jigsaw puzzle and it'd only taken her 6 months to complete it. She thought that was amazingly quick as it said "2 to 4 years" on the box. #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 15/07/2026

I asked @sarahandco.bsky.social to tell me the longest word that she knew, and she replied "contagious". Good, I said. Give me an example of use? She said "I saw the neighbour go to paint his fence using a half inch paint brush and said 'That'll take the contagious!'" #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 30/04/2026

@sarahandco.bsky.social now practices married doggy style sex. She sits up and begs, her wife rolls over and plays dead. #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 30/04/2026

@sarahandco.bsky.social got called into a meeting with her HR manager who told her that there'd been a complaint. Sarah asked "what's the complaint?" HR said "You went up to a woman and said that her hair smells nice. It wouldn't normally be an issue but you are a dwarf!" #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 07/04/2026

Before she had her own business, @sarahandco.bsky.social was sacked for telling a colleague that her hair smelled nice. They said that it wouldn't normally be a sackable offence, but Sez is a dwarf. #ThisIsAllTrue.

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 02/04/2026

@sarahandco.bsky.social has been on a sponsored slim since New Year. She now owes us all £50. #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 23/03/2026

@sarahandco.bsky.social was bragging that she knew a big word. I said "what's the word?" She said "Contagious". I said "give me an example of it's use?" She said "I saw the neighbour going to paint his fence with a half inch paint brush and thought "that'll take the contagious!" #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 19/03/2026

I went to the doctor and said that I thought that @sarahandco.bsky.social was dead. The doctor said "What do you mean, you THINK she's dead - How do you not know?" I said "Well, the sex is the same but the dishes are piling up in the kitchen!". #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 09/03/2026

@sarahandco.bsky.social phoned me up and asked for me help as she was in serious pain! She said "If I touch my head it hurts, same for my shoulder, hips, knees and feet!". I said "Sez, you're blonde, right?" She said "Yeah, so?" I said "You've got a broken finger!" #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 10/01/2026

My wife @sarahandco.bsky.social got stung by a bee on the forehead.. she’s at the ER now and her face is all swollen and bruised. She almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel. #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 05/01/2026

@sarahandco.bsky.social asked if everyone weighed themselves nude after Christmas. The staff at Boots told her that she was the only one... #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 05/01/2026

I've just found my wife @sarahandco.bsky.social 's tinder profile and I'm SOOOO angry with her lies. She's not "fun to be around".

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 02/01/2026

When @sarahandco.bsky.social and I were dating, I asked if she fancied sex one morning. She replied "Not today, I'm going to the gynaecologist later." I asked her "Are you also going to the dentist?" #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 29/11/2025

@sarahandco.bsky.social was in a car crash. I was first on the scene and was concerned she might have concussion. I asked her “how many fingers am I holding up?” Sarah screamed and said “Oh My God, I’m paralysed from the waist down!” #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 21/11/2025

@sarahandco.bsky.social rang me up and said that she was in terrible pain! If she touched her head, it hurts. Her shoulder, hip, knee or foot too! I told her that she had a broken finger. #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 20/11/2025

I went round to see @sarahandco.bsky.social and saw that she was packing loads of clothes into bin bags, so I asked what she was doing. She said that she was donating old clothes for starving people. I said "Anyone who can fit into your clothes isn't starving!" #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 08/10/2025

I heard that @sarahandco.bsky.social has had sex with a LOT of celebrities. I asked her how it was. She said "Great, until they kicked me out of the wax museum!" #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 27/08/2025

@sarahandco.bsky.social asked my advice on how to smuggle a skunk through customs. I told her to hide it down her knickers. She said "But what about the smell?" I said "well, if it dies, it dies!" #ThisIsAllTrue

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Duncan Graham @duncanrgraham.bsky.social · 28/07/2025

Was out walking with @sarahandco.bsky.social and she pointed at some wind turbines and asked "Why do we keep building wind farms, don't we have enough wind? Shouldn't we be farming something more scarce, like unicorns?" #ThisIsAllTrue.

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Reposted by Duncan Graham

The Secret Barrister @barristersecret.bsky.social · 28/12/2024

Having not read the sentencing remarks, I’m cautious about rushing to conclusions, but on its face Feathers McGraw appears to be a prime example of the rampant sentence inflation that has led to chronic overcrowding in our zoos and the unedifying spectacle of animals being released early.

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Reposted by Duncan Graham

🎃Nunzerwolf 🐺 🍵🍃 @spookarties.bsky.social · 01/12/2024

Robocop is a movie about a guy who gets killed on the job and they still made him go back to work

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