Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 3mwe're slicing off skin tags with exactos in this house 😤 000
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 16hnobody's ever seen assless undies knitted with spätzel... not like these! 010
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 18hcoping with the urge to procrastinate on job applications by making a set of nesting bowls 🙄 010
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 22hIn this chapter, I will propose that Nigella Lawson and Jennifer Coolidge share vocal similarities that can be exploited by humorists seeking a basis for mimicry... 010
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 11/10/2026"[whatever] is not just..." is intolerable. how do we get rid of ittttt 010
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 08/10/2026I need to get more serious about being unserious 030
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 08/10/2026if I ever do encounter him, it's a reasonable possibility that I will rend him asunder in revenge for the damage he's done to my reputation. 010
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 08/10/2026I have been semi-reliably informed that I have an evil doppelganger in this city, but nobody will show me a photo to prove it, as though they fear what I would do if I were struck by the emotional reality of him. 110
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 07/10/2026we should remove "the general lexicon" from the general lexicon 010
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 07/10/2026been sitting around confused why I didn't get a callback after an interview in which I said out loud that I'm done making myself small to protect anyone's ego. like hmmm I wonder whyyyy they aren't calling me back??? 020
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 06/10/2026I always thought posting photos of oneself was gauche and frowned-upon but now it seems that I was wrong. maybe this explains why everyone does it so much?? 050
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 06/10/2026so fun to be crashing out about something that feels new and urgent only to realize that literally nothing has changed and it's all just brain bullshit 000
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 04/10/2026posting on the internet is a lot of fucking effort 020
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 02/10/2026snake vocabulary: hello please!! it could be for me~ it could be delicious~~~ let me outttttttt there is... electricity... hello yes I am BORED NO NO NO what is...??? I WILL EAT (*snore*) 072
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 02/10/2026you can tell it's covid season again as the IG stories become stupider 072
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 01/10/2026so I am reminded that neurosis isn't the product of any single objection, but of the cumulative mass of all of them 010
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 01/10/2026I was painting the nearby wall. "could you paint elsewhere? I'm sweeping that way..." 000
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 01/10/2026watched someone "sweep" today by energetically swinging the broom to raise a dust cloud that could, in theory, be ushered in a given direction 111
Reposted by Zaphod OfficialJessica Ellis @baddestmamajama.bsky.social · 29/09/2026I have separated the art from the artist and am now whipping the art to stiff peaks, after which I will gently fold it into the artist before baking at 350 til golden and puffed 3545571106
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 29/09/2026love it when you see someone you know walking down a quiet street towards you and when you get about 30ft away THEY CROSS 💀 010
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 29/09/2026is it really such a bad thing to be hung up on modernism 010
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 28/09/2026and my chest and biceps no longer fit in the buttondown I've worn for every interview for the last decade :( booo my steak is too juicy 020
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 28/09/2026interview clothes are a hellish concept created to degrade workers 140
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 24/09/2026I've seen so much fucking slow-mo hummingbird footage! Enough!!! OTHER BIRDS ALSO MATTER 020
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 23/09/2026finally making modest progress on my quest for big tiddy pecs :3 030
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 18/09/2026sobriety means accepting that you're going to go on a complex emotional journey about the unexpected redox reaction happening in your electroplating jar, which will end in irrepressible excitement that will keep you up late into the night. 010
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 15/09/2026just passed a man standing less than ten feet away from roadwork with an electric leaf blower, blowing the dust away from his immaculate SUV 030
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 14/09/2026I have evidence that Stalin was secretly Québécois 020
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 14/09/2026to be a french person allergic to cheese is to be forever exiled 030
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 14/09/2026if enjoyment is not the point of sex why... I don't understand 020
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 13/09/2026over here deadlifting one hundred live chickens 010
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 13/09/2026if a geyser could ooze, it would ooze like this 001
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 11/09/2026keep meeting people who would be way less shocked by the State Of The World if they would only read some Stefan Zweig (for example!!!) 030
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 11/09/2026it is nice to be large and not to be poisoned by things that poison insects 041
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 10/09/2026every damn month I'm up here periodposting. I'm shocked more of us aren't noisily complaining at all times, tbqh this is an outrage and I refuse to be quiet 020
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 10/09/2026the menstrual body: stress? and what day is it? ah I see, BLEED NOW, BLEED SOONER, BLEED ON EVERYTHING, HENCEFORTH YOU ARE A BIOHAZARD, A CURSE 020
Reposted by Zaphod Officialascalaphid @ascalaphid.com · 09/09/2026male mayfly eyes will never not be funny as hell to me 1217819
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 09/09/2026nonbinary isn't valid if you're dressing like a district manager 😤 010
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 08/09/2026whacking the everloving shit out of my foot on my way to the bottle of advil 😫 020
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 06/09/2026luckily I have enough spite to survive several times 030
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 06/09/2026reason nobody's going around attesting to being a decade on benzos and clean again is that nobody fucking survives that shit, and if you do, the whole world continues to be a terminal mindfuck, just differently 💀 130
Zaphod Official @droseragonist.bsky.social · 04/09/2026another example: I can feel, see, and smell things in the environment that none of the other humans ever notice. what am I, some sort of beast?? 000
