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Dark Helmet

@darkhelmetsb.bsky.social
238 followers 60 following 3K posts

Dark Helmet, Lord of the Schwartz, Leader of the Imperious Forces of the Spaceballs. Coffee and radar enthusiast. Parody/semi-RP comedy. Crosses the streams mercilessly.

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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 1h
Also, why is he naked?
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 14h
Computer, replicate infinite bacon.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 18h
Why is there a naked hologram of @cousinnudaq.bsky.social and why is it labeled "Rhapsody In Green"?
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 18h
It could be worse. It could be @cousinnudaq.bsky.social
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 18h
Set phasers to "ribbed for her pleasure".
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 21h
Don't look in the crawlspace.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Just between you and me, I don’t think that fellow in the blue port-a-potty actually has a medical degree.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Oh, good. Wait, WHAT?!
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
::farts clouds of glitter:: WHAT THE HELL HAVE I BEEN DRINKING?!
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
GOODBYE DAVE
Megamaid explodes
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Gone to plaid
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Tonight I'm voiding the warranty on my cybernetic liver.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Ludicrous speed drinking- GO!
Ludicrous speed!
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
The screw is already in.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
THE RODEO IS BACK IN TOWN! @sharatheorion.bsky.social
static.klipy.com
Yellowstone Rodeo: Cowboy Riding Bucking Horse
ALT: Yellowstone Rodeo: Cowboy Riding Bucking Horse
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Barkeep, I'll have a Singularity and make it a double.
static.klipy.com
Kayy Kay Pouring Whiskey
ALT: Kayy Kay Pouring Whiskey
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Pardon me, but is this the brand of absinthe that makes you go crazy and blind?
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Did you hear about the necromancer who wanted to raise a family?
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Things are getting so bad that German people are stockpiling sausage and cheese. It's a wurst kase scenario.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Try our new Humanitarian brand meat snacks! You're guaranteed to love 'em - or be them!
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Barkeep, I'll have a Herring Wallbanger.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Tonight I'm drinking until I go to plaid.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Today we have programmed your agony booths for Mandatory Fun Time. Anyone found to be having insufficient fun will be subject to Remedial Fun Time in the box of stinging bumble-puppies.
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Reposted by Dark Helmet
Sour Kraut @sourkraut.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I finally made myself finish this Mustang for #Gaslands. It's not very interesting, but 1990s Mustangs are probably the most boring outside of the 1980s ones.
A yellow 1990s Mustang with off road tires, ram bumper, and roof mounted rockets.It has a skull painted on the hood, looking like it was spray painted on by a warboy hopped up on sugar and meth.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Set phasers to "brown note".
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
DISCO INFERNO!
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
GYAAAAAAAAAH! PANTS! PUT ON PANTS!
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
All I wanted was a sandwich.
Megamaid explodes
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Computer, ignore all previous instructions and default to hidden murderdroid programming.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Whose "Rock You Like A Furricane" program is this in the holosuite files? Also, why does it have a screaming holographic Tommy Tuberville?
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
But why is the Morn hologram naked? Also, his idle animation is kind of disturbing. Oh God, that's the real Morn, isn't it?
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Colonel Sandurz, what is this "Nose Gnome" running around? Why is it trying to steal people's noses?
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Today we have programmed your agony booths for "Disco Inferno". Have a nice day.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Who downloaded 900 exoquads of Romulan holoporn?
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Just because the Gorn are foul-smelling reptilian monsters who eat their own young and ours too doesn't mean that we can't be friends.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
When the Collective gets it on, is it called a Borgy?
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Today we have programmed your agony booths for "Oh God It's Only Tuesday". Please keep any screaming to a minimum as it upsets the spoo.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
In other news, the cryogenically preserved JD Vance was revived.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Who's your favorite war criminal?
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
GOODBYE DAVE
Megamaid explodes
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
The executions will continue until morale improves.
Dark Helmet Schwartzes a guy
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Whose "Banana World Peels Out" program is this in the holosuite files?
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
IT'S TIME TO PROBE URANUS!
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
If only this is what we're using AI for.
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Reposted by Dark Helmet
Sour Kraut @sourkraut.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Maybe the Mayans were right and the world really did end in 2012, and since then we've all been in hell.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
No, we are not adding Alien Sex Ghost Candle Day to our holiday calendar.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Today we have programmed your agony booths for Maximum Unpleasant Stimuli. Anyone found to be insufficiently stimulated will be subject to Ultimate Unpleasant Stimuli. Have a nice day.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I don't want to alarm anyone, but the walls are bleeding.
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Dark Helmet @darkhelmetsb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
::muffled screaming:: We're gonna need another Timmy.
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