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Crutnacker

@crutnacker.bsky.social
879 followers 1.4K following 2.8K posts

Social media outfluencer and Only Fans earlobe model. Banned in 51 states. Pisces. Once made Steve Martin laugh.

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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Digger makes a lot more sense when you realize it's just a repurposed Mission Impossible script.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
"Can't we limit the human - men contact first?" -- Women.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Did James Austin Johnson forget how to do Trump? #SNL If not, can he? Jesus, another season of this lame shit.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Good to see the Ravens kept the clock management of John Harnbaugh.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Ravens looking like shit today.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Terrible call by the refs on the Ravens.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Is it just me or it everything full of sadness right now.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Lizzy Borden took an axe Gave her mother 40 whacks When she saw what she had done Said “I really should have sharpened this before I started.”
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
May he get what he thinks his family deserves.
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MeidasTouch @meidastouch.com · 16/09/2026
Nailed it as always, sir
Screenshot of a Wall Street Journal opinion column by Peter Navarro, published March 12, 2026, headlined “Iran War Will Lower Energy Prices,” with the subheadline: “The risk of regime violence has long been baked into the global price of oil and gas—and everything else.”
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
BREAKING: Ed Sheeran popularity drops below that of gas prices.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Wonder how many artists are going to stay with this promoter in the wake of Ed Sheeran claiming they’re why he kicked Macklemore off the tour. www.messinatouring.com
messinatouring.com
Messina Touring – Concert Tour and Live Music Promoter
A leader in live music with over two decades of record-breaking tours for top artists, redefining live entertainment with an artist-first, tech-forward approach for worldwide touring.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Ed Sheeran’s look, music, and politics are all identical.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Why do I feel like we’re living inside the Aristocrats joke?
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
One of these days awards shows will finally realize we don’t need lyrics to go with our death montage.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
This has been true since at least the mid 80s.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Sally Field….. Still hot.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Just tell them you’re taking a series of stills thirty times a second.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Example: Every NBC Olympics.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Every time I see Michael J Fox, I am reminded that hardly anyone remembers who Rush Limbaugh is anymore.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Well, even if the new iPhone Duo doesn’t pay off, at least Apple got expertise in how to fold.
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Hoodlum 🇺🇸 @nothoodlum.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Mitch McConnell gave a 20-minute speech at Trumpz-A-Loser, but only Scott Jennings saw it.
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Covie @covie93.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
john fetterman is the first rat in history to climb onto a sinking ship.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
C'mon guys, it's just till midterms. And if not, $5000 will fill up your tank for a week or two.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
That awkward moment when AI turns Charlie Kirk into Jesus.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
What I were all just NPCs living inside Rockstar Games' Grand Theft America?
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Perhaps the problem is that the world has a lot of Nazis and tech bro capitalism is willing to shrug it off or embrace it. Moving my posts to Compuserve.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
My list of presidents has Incompetent Asshole at 45 and 47.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
@kellycarlin.bsky.social Sad News kentuckylantern.com/2026/08/31/k...
kentuckylantern.com
Kentucky writer, farmer and advocate Wendell Berry dies at 92 • Kentucky Lantern
A lover of forests, the farmer, author and former English professor died on Thursday, according to his family and the New York Times. He was 92.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Looks like I need to move forward wirh my personal lubricant company idea. Can you guess the name? www.foxbusiness.com/retail/buc-e...
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Fossil free Eugene? What if he likes dinosaurs?
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
That awkward moment when you realize Iran is better at comedy than the right wing.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
This is a man who doesn’t think and doesn’t care.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Let me manage my feed and don’t push me stuff I don’t want to see. That’s all we need.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
BREAKING: HBO’s The Pitt legally changing its name to The Jolie.
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Mark Thompson @sonofathomp.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
If only Trump stuttered. Like Biden. The press might notice.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
You know what would stop Trump from pulling shit on the press? Stop covering him.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
BREAKING: Buc-Ee’s to sue Canada.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
I’m hoping Sophie Cunningham is like Chuck Cunningham. One day she goes upstairs and we never acknowledge her existence again.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
God help Jeanine Pirro's sponsor.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
So COVID is a hoax and just a simple cold that Fauci used to kill thousands? Do I have that right?
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
Here’s hoping Fauci files massive lawsuits against every person who slandered him this week with demonstrably false allegations.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
Somewhere Rush Limbaugh is looking up and saying “Aiiiggggggggh, get that pitchfork out of my ass!”
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
#RFKCookingShowNames The Dead Bear Slop Chef Bobby Flay-ing A Dead Puppy Giardia At Home Topless Chef
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
Most of those "human fetus baby parts" are almost 15 years older than the average American. Clearly we should just destroy those completely and never do anything good with them.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
I feel like there are about 1000 individual defamation lawsuits for Fauci to choose from on Twitter right now.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
That's like finding out 34% of the country approves of herpes.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
Revisiting X/Twitter after deleting my account a few years ago is like visiting your beloved childhood home and learning it's turned into a crack den for the KKK.
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Crutnacker @crutnacker.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
I want to be the guy that describes the music on closed captioning.
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