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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️

@crimesididntcommit.bsky.social
2.4K followers 358 following 29K posts

mdni. musician, thought leader, brand ambassador for a little thing called “having a good time” music + ticket links here: linktr.ee/crimesididntcommit

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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 2h
the copper pipes in the walls of my neighbor’s house communicate with me psychically. they want me to rip them out and sell them, they want that more than anything
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 2h
gay emeril lagasse on his back with his legs behind his head getting reamed by gay bam margera and shouting “bam, i’m gay!!!”
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
my buddy Movie and i go way back
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
just remembered balloon art guy and got so annoyed i had to take a walk
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
that sand doesn’t seem so quick to me
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
they’re coming out with a new kind of credit card reader that makes you explode
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
playing two shows in the next week after a month off and i’m so excited to get to scream at people again
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
i would greatly enjoy 500 dollars
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
was on my usual dawn jog and the clouds and the moon looked like a winking kitten. an incredible sight, folks
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
i love brands, and products, too!!!
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
eddie money, or as his freaky friends call him, edward moolah
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
i shouldn’t be allowed to have this
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
it’s called a theme park. that means a park that is themed. so why come the theme is never porno????
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
[george lucas, furious because he knows no one will accept “dogman planet” as the name for chewbacca’s home world] i don’t know, it’s fuckin, kashyyk or some shit
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
call me bill and/or ted the way i’m tryna go on an excellent adventure!!!
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
i’m too busy chilling with willrow hood to care
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
chewing spicy gum that hurts so bad
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
the kids these days just wanna watch klute!
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Reposted by crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️
crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
emeril showing a live studio audience of middle aged men how to make shrooms hit harder by soaking them in lemon juice, the dudes nod and cheer as foil phish posters shimmer on the walls
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
i love how the blinds in this shot in revenge of the sith make it look like anakin is giving a really angsty talk to the camera in an episode of the office
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
staring at the wall and smiling softly as i picture 500 dollars
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
that gavel is the funniest hammer he’s ever seen!
judge steve harvey
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
[nightly news voice] the saying goes, “cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.” but once autumn rolls around, people start wanting everything to taste like pumpkins. more on this development, tonight at 9
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Reposted by crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️
crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
another new song from my upcoming album is out everywhere now: crimesididntcommit.bandcamp.com/track/the-bo...
crimesididntcommit.bandcamp.com
The Body Keeps the Score, by crimesididntcommit
track by crimesididntcommit
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
[9:55 AM] i wish i was at the gay bar
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
steven harvard
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
the world feels hopeless and bleak and it’s easy for people too young to remember it to understand how, for a moment there, it felt like everything might get better when steve harvey became a tv judge. we didn’t know he was just like all the others
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
the only one who can judge me is steve harvey
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
cracking an arcade machine open to get those precious tickets
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
emeril showing a live studio audience of middle aged men how to make shrooms hit harder by soaking them in lemon juice, the dudes nod and cheer as foil phish posters shimmer on the walls
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
take me back to carradine in 2006
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Reposted by crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️
crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 01/12/2025
RIP @carradinein2006.bsky.social
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Reposted by crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️
crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 01/12/2025
Carradine in 2006
Carradine in 2006
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
tears in my eyes, collapsing to the theatre floor as i finally get the joke. “meet the fockers sounds like meet the fuckers!” i’m carried away in restraints as the mania takes hold
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
oh yeah, now that’s graphic design. the word “lie” is in his very name!!!
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
elizabeth holmes “why would i deceive you” and “we’re just normal men” exist in the same space in my head
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
how to get glow in the dark blood fast
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
they’re making a horny version of the pitt where everybody’s getting sex-rays
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
i was handed a laminated sheet of paper with a person’s picture and the words “do not let this man smoke weed” in impact font on it at a party this past weekend. i asked who the guy was and they pointed to a dude laying on the floor across the room lol
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
staring at my cat and getting emotional because he’s so pure and good
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
in a completely unsurprising turn of events, i once again did not enjoy a movie i was told i’d have to love because i’m trans
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
it ruled
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
banned from “what’s in my bag?” after freaking out over them not having any steven seagal albums
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
a 50 year old dad taking ayahuasca and picturing a version of hell where there’s no lawn to get to mow
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
exceptional, screen-accurate costuming from @crannyboy.bsky.social
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
adult spin-off to bop-it called spit-on-it sets preorder record
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
shindig addiction is a serious problem and that song just makes light of it
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crimesididntcommit🏳️‍⚧️ @crimesididntcommit.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
sometimes you see a baldwin brother you forgot about and it feels like awaking from a coma
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