cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 16/06/2026preacher at my funeral signals for everyone to put on their 3D glasses 426359
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 08/05/2026[police sketch artist interrupts me] large naturals? 313528
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 22/04/2026me: he's a glove that sells hamburger helper girl looking at the posters in my room: no i get it 113130
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 17/04/2026(second date) me: [eager to show off new tattoo] remember how you said you liked garlic bread 233048
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 16/04/2026[accidentally cumming too fast with my gf] that's ai 0211
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 01/04/2026[leaving a birthday party with my piñata friend] i swear i didn't know they were going to do that "just take me home" 0449
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 22/03/2026[foghorn leghorn at a glory hole] son i say son this hole got a mouth like an outboard motor 46816
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 12/03/2026[5 minutes into sex with my gingerbread gf] did you crumb 310210
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 07/01/2026wife: why is there cabbage all over the bathtub me: my showerkraut! 941968
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 26/06/2025hello 911? i was doing that thing where you pretend to walk down stairs behind a couch only it worked and i have no idea where i am 113317
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 11/06/2025sorry im late, my car..[forgets the word for towed] got arrested 0827
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 30/05/2025[girl petting my dog] what's his name? [me thinking about how women want to feel safe] seat belt 227372
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 23/05/2025[tugging on the devil's tail as soon as i arrive in hell] it's too hot 0494
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 21/05/2025[awkward silence while i drive my date home] in my defense some places let you draw on the menu 0798
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 20/05/2025[pulls a dildo out of my briefcase] your honor, if i may 1496
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 16/05/2025if you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter well then I've got some news for you 1422
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 13/05/2025[makes a voodoo doll of my dad and puts a tiny pack of cigarettes in it's pocket] you can come home now 1584
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 09/05/2025personal trainer: i dunno where you heard that but no, cum doesn't hydrate you me: [trying to pour thermos out but it's taking forever] ok 0455
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 08/05/2025[helping my friend set up his linkedin account] put down youre cicumcised 213123
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 06/05/2025[addressing everyone at my pet possum's funeral] you guys aren't gonna believe this 324554
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 30/04/2025[video of me taking off and eating the toppings first on a pizza] judge: my god divorce lawyer whispers to my wife: we got him 1578
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 23/04/2025i fell into a Burger King deep fryer i turned brown brown brown medical help was required and it burns burns burns that BK fryer that BK fryer 411024
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 09/04/2025[flips tarot card and it's a picture of my butt cheeks] what the [flips next card and it's a huge thermometer] oh no 1503
Reposted by cat damonViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 05/04/2025And the Michelin Man removed the tire from his waist and gave it to them, saying, “Take this and drive; for this is my body.” 352026402
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 08/04/2025[texts wife after seeing a commercial for thermometers other than rectal] YOU LIED TO ME 0485
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 28/03/2025[holding my car door open for my date] just throw my laundry in the back 1406
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 21/03/2025[organ at the funeral stops and everyone hears me talking] I've been taking vitamins to increase the volume of my cum 2627
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 14/03/2025me: [leaving the inventor of the piñata's funeral] OH MY GOD 0567
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 12/03/2025[climbs out of tanning bed with a grilled cheese sandwich] 1679
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 28/02/2025[dribbles between my legs and behind my back] guy at the urinal next to me: dude 0737
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 24/02/2025[worried my therapist doesn't like me] let me see your notepad 0556
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 19/02/2025alex trebek: tell us a little bit about yourself me: I've been taking vitamins to increase the volume of my ejaculate 911516
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 15/02/2025TSA agent: why is your suitcase so wet me: you mean my soupcase? 1899
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 14/02/2025roses are red / violets are blue who let the dogs out / who who who who 1699
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 13/02/2025[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok [a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha 659498
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 13/02/2025[calls my mom 5 years after moving out] do i like skim milk 020522
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 10/02/2025[makes a little voodoo doll of my neighbor's dog and pets it] 731657
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 09/02/2025[whispers during lap dance] you're squishing my penis 318123
cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 06/02/2025[clenching my fists after being tackled in football] what's your problem 0618
