iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Reposted by Bryce Tetraeder

InfoWars @realinfowars.bsky.social · 02/07/2026

Tune in LIVE to be throttled by the truth. Stream wherever you want to be perceived.

Tim Heidecker looking serious with a tune in for InfoWars, tonight (7/2) at 8pm ET at @RealInfowars on YouTube

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 20/04/2026

We have a deal. theonion.com/at-long-last...

Let me tell you a story. When I was a child, I suffered from night terrors. It was always the same dream: I could hear my family and neighbors wailing in the street outside as they were pursued and then destroyed by a nameless malevolent force, something neither I nor anyone else could control, a great darkness that was, somehow, all my fault.

Today, that childhood dream is finally coming true. Today I can finally say the sweetest nine or 10 words in the English language: Global Tetrahedron has completed its plan to control InfoWars.com.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about InfoWars in the last year and a half. As the seasons have changed, my ambitions for the project have grown grander, crueler, better aligned with market data. Come, friends, and imagine with me…

Imagine a roaring arena packed to the rafters with pathological liars. High above you in the nosebleeds are podcasters, screaming that you’ll die if you don’t buy their skincare products. Below, on the floor, imagine demonic battalions of super-influencers physically forcing people into home fitness devices designed to dismantle their bodies bone by bone and reassemble them into a grotesque statue of yourself. Out of the throngs, an extremely sick looking man approaches you. He puts his hands on your shoulders. He explains that he is your life coach and that you owe him $800.

Such is the InfoWars I envision: An infinite virtual surface teeming with ads. Not just ads, but scams! Not just scams, but lies with no object, free radical misinformation, sentences and images so poorly thought out that they are unhealthy even to view for just a few seconds. The InfoWars of old was only the prototype for the hell I know we can build together: A digital platform where, every day, visitors sacrifice themselves at altars of delusion and misery, their minds fully disintegrating on contact.

With this new InfoWars, we will democratize psychological torture, welcoming brutal and sadistic ideas from everyone, even the very stupidest among us. It will be like the Manhattan Project, only instead of a bomb, we will be building a website.

The InfoWars of tomorrow will converge into a swirling vortex of content about content, talent acquiring talent, rings of concentric media mergers processing all human artistry into one endlessly digestible slurry. This will be a dank, sunless place, one where panic and capital feed on each other like twins in the womb of a hulking, unknowable monster—a monster known by many names, but which I like to call modern-day America.

All of this is to say that I believe in us. I believe that with the new InfoWars, we can alchemize the pioneering spirit of amateur inquiry, the profit-maximizing drive of corporations, and the cold mental clarity that comes only with disciplined daily ingestion of mind- and body-altering chemicals. If we can do that, what other great things can we do together?

I don’t yet know, but I’m excited to find out. Welcome home, warriors. The future belongs to us. We’re writing the story now. It’s going to be a long one, and it’s going to be a bad one.

So settle in. Make yourself comfortable. Buy a tote bag.

Nothing can stop us now that we’re in charge of a website.

Infinite Growth Forever,

Bryce Tetraeder, CEO, Global Tetrahedron

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 20/04/2026

We have a deal. theonion.com/at-long-last...

At Long Last, InfoWars Is Ours
By Bryce P. Tetraeder, CEO, Global Tetrahedron

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 22/06/2025

Here is Why I’m Sending Issues of ‘The Onion’ To Every Member Of Congress. Click here to read The Onion’s open letter to Congress: theonion.com/letter-to-co...

To the esteemed members of Congress, I say: Enjoy the paper. I look forward to seeing many of you at my annual orgy in one of the $500,000-per-head sex pits.

Infinite Influence Forever,

Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO

Read The Onion's Open Letter To Congress On Theonion.com

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 22/06/2025

Here is Why I’m Sending Issues of ‘The Onion’ To Every Member Of Congress. Click here to read The Onion’s open letter to Congress: theonion.com/letter-to-co...

fact-obsessed experts or listen to the drivel spewed by your half-wit constituents. The Onion is now your everything.

It is your sole guide, your lodestar, your universe. Burn all other newspapers. Drive their so-called journalists out into the cold. From here on out, America’s Finest News Source holds a monopoly on deciding what is best for our nation’s business interests, and therefore our nation.

As you’ll read in the piece I made my editorial board write while hovering

ver their shoulders and breathing my will into their ears, our country is slipping smoothly into the warm bath of authoritarianism and oligarchy. I wish I could take credit for this, and I will. But much of the praise must go to Congress and its cowardice. I ask you to stay the course and allow The Onion’s strong, steady arm to point the way. Your capitulation will be justly rewarded with glowing press coverage and the opportunity to borrow our paperboys to do with as you wish.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 22/06/2025

Here is Why I’m Sending Issues of ‘The Onion’ To Every Member Of Congress. Click here to read The Onion’s open letter to Congress: theonion.com/letter-to-co...

As a titan of business, I find this nation’s descent into corruption and tyranny not simply a balm for my soul, but also a huge benefit to my bottom line. We are on the precipice of a new economic order, one in which affluent men like myself will be able to select their own tax rate from a drop-down menu. It’s a reality I barely dreamed possible just a few months ago.

But sending each member of Congress a copy of our vaunted reporting is more than just a token gesture of thanks for bringing about a future in which scions like myself are given unlimited influence over government

and veto power over bike lanes. As we stand in the smoldering ruins of our democratic government, we at Global Tetrahedron LLC would be doing a disservice to our shareholders, their descendants, and their descendants’ thoroughbred horses if we didn’t take this opportunity to snatch up as much power and money as possible while the getting is good.

On that note, I invite you to peruse this issue and let it dictate your every action as you lead us forth into ruin. There’s no longer any need to pretend to read reports from

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 22/06/2025

Here is Why I’m Sending Issues of ‘The Onion’ To Every Member Of Congress. Click here to read The Onion’s open letter to Congress: theonion.com/letter-to-co...

Why I’m Sending Issues of ‘The Onion’ To Every Member Of Congress
By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO

If you are reading this, you are likely either a member of Congress or one of the many underlings tasked with prodding lawmakers from a senile haze when they must cast a vote. You may be wondering why you have lucked out and received a free issue of our storied publication without so much as inserting a rider into a bill classifying The Onion as a tax-free religious organization.

Simply put, the inaction of Congress has already made me happier than any legal loophole could.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 22/06/2025

I have sent a copy of ‘The Onion’ to every member of Congress. To spread its message to less powerful people, I have also taken out an ad in a lesser newspaper. Read my full letter here: theonion.com/why-im-sendi...

Congress, now more than ever, our nation needs your cowardice

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

The InfoWars assets remain in limbo. Everything is now in doubt and everyone is worse off than before. In short, it is the kind of world we at Global Tetrahedron have always envisioned. theonion.com/a-message-of...

theonion.com

A Message Of Hope From Global Tetrahedron

We have taken another proud, collective stride toward dystopia. A bankruptcy court has denied the sale of InfoWars following a month of drawn-out legal proceedings. The experience was long and punishi...

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 13/12/2024

A Message Of Hope From Global Tetrahedron @globaltetrahedron.bsky.social: theonion.com/a-message-of...

A Message Of Hope From Global Tetrahedron

By Bryce P. Tetraeder, CEO

-Global Tetrahedron

We have taken another proud, collective stride toward dystopia.

A bankruptcy court has denied the sale of InfoWars following a month of drawn-out legal proceedings. The experience was long and punishing for all involved, and the final outcome is inconclusive: The InfoWars assets remain in limbo. Everything is now in doubt and everyone is worse off than before.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

We’re always bunkmates at the annual Bilderberg Meeting.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

Wait, they’re still on the board? I thought I had them killed.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 25/11/2024

Accusations of an improper workplace relationship between us are misleading.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 22/11/2024

This guy is godfather to my youngest blood boy.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s getting fired tomorrow.

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Reposted by Bryce Tetraeder

Global Tetrahedron @globaltetrahedron.bsky.social · 19/11/2024

Meet The Board Of Global Tetrahedron: Bryce Tetraeder - The CEO, chairman, media proprietor, entrepreneur, human trafficker, thought leader, and venture capitalist responsible for overseeing Global Tetrahedron’s transition from a mere multinational conglomerate into a truly interglobal empire.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

Just got to the studio. Podcasting mic all chewed up. Disgusting.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

Please stop DMing me. I already have wives.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

Global Tetrahedron is committed to silencing all voices.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

Redundant InfoWars employees will be laid off with a humane 25-gram cocktail of Brain Force and pentobarbital.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

To all the pathetic reporters asking: I am not available for comment as I am currently submerged in an adrenochrome fountain.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

Any muscle mass or male sex hormones previously derived from SuperMale Vitality will be rendered inactive on December 1.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

It has been a pleasure working with members of the Deep State, the global cabal of elites, and the United States shadow government to close this deal.

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

Infinite Growth Forever: global-tetrahedron.com

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Bryce Tetraeder @brycetetraeder.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

Read my full letter here: theonion.com/heres-why-i-...

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