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Andrew Singleton

@andrewsingleton.bsky.social
80 followers 28 following 30 posts

Writer. Husband. Wife. Bylines in McSweeney's. Essays, humor, and short stories at monkeybullets.substack.com Poetry at instagram.com/itmatteredonce/

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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
Associate Marshallian Spillover Coordinator @stevenlandgraf.com · 19/07/2026
@mcsweeneys.net www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-w...
mcsweeneys.net
I Will Pay Any Amount to Not Pay My Taxes
“Seriously, I don’t care how much it costs. Take every dime I have. But know this: I would level my house to the ground before I paid slightly higher propert...
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 27/06/2026
"Gather around, everyday working people, and allow me to lay out a grand vision for a brave new world. A world in which all economic functions are done by computers and robots. A world where the very concept of having money no longer exists (for all of you)."
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In Our Glorious AI Future, There Will Be No Such Thing as Money (For You)
“In the future, there is such a thing as money. But there’s no such thing as your money. All the money is our money.”
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
Fiona Katauskas @fionakatauskas.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
SO GOOD
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
Thank you, that’s very flattering, but Ed does real work and I riff a few hundred words on my lunch break every so often.
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
Paul Pharoah @paulpharoah.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
The examples in this article are very amusing.
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Michael Coyle @oplopanax.ca · 23/06/2026
This post does a better job of explaining late stage capitalism than anything ever written in The Economist
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
I would be extremely interested in helping you do this. How do we get it started? Call it an "AI initiative" and raise $1b in seed money?
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
But Andrew Hickey Died Ten Years Ago This Very Night @andrewhickey.500songs.com · 17/06/2026
This is great and, weirdly, completely accurate.
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 16/06/2026
"Ben owns a farm. He employs 100 workers. His total payroll is $10 million/year. One day, he buys a mule, which provides the worker who uses it with a modest 10% productivity gain. Ben fires 99 of his workers and purchases 99 mules, expecting a 1,000% productivity gain..."
buff.ly
AI Economics for Dummies
“Xavier owns an apartment that he rents out at a loss of $1 billion/month. Seeing this success, he decides to make financial commitments to construct $850 bi...
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 14/06/2026
"Acquiring one grape costs Alex $2 billion. Alex offers to sell Mike one grape a month for the next 12 months for $1 billion per grape. Alex asks for the full $12 billion up front and provides Mike with one grape for the first month..."
buff.ly
AI Economics for Dummies
“Xavier owns an apartment that he rents out at a loss of $1 billion/month. Seeing this success, he decides to make financial commitments to construct $850 bi...
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 13/06/2026
"Jenny owns a crematorium. John’s propane company gives her a $20 billion investment in return for 5 percent of her operation. Jenny throws $10 billion into the incinerator, then pays John $10 billion to buy propane to burn that money to ashes..."
buff.ly
AI Economics for Dummies
“Xavier owns an apartment that he rents out at a loss of $1 billion/month. Seeing this success, he decides to make financial commitments to construct $850 bi...
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
Mapaiko @mapaiko.bsky.social · 12/06/2026
Fucking gold
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
Boring Manager Rob 🅅 @bourboninexile.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
Has anyone ever seen Andrew Singleton in the same room as Ed Zitron? I'm not saying one of them is the other's secret identity... I'm just saying it's something we may need to investigate.
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 11/06/2026
"Xavier owns an apartment that he rents out at a loss of $1 billion/month. Seeing this success, he decides to make financial commitments to construct $850 billion in new apartments in places nobody wants them...."
buff.ly
AI Economics for Dummies
“Xavier owns an apartment that he rents out at a loss of $1 billion/month. Seeing this success, he decides to make financial commitments to construct $850 bi...
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
Huge thanks to @edzitron.com for helping me write my latest McSweeney's piece. www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ai-...
mcsweeneys.net
AI Economics for Dummies
“Xavier owns an apartment that he rents out at a loss of $1 billion/month. Seeing this success, he decides to make financial commitments to construct $850 bi...
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
The worst thing about the current AI discourse is that it's just so. fucking. boring.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
Why aren't salads making us hot? An investigation. substack.com/home/post/p-...
substack.com
Reasons I Am Not Ripped After Eating One Salad, A Crowd Sourced List
Me and the commentors try to solve the mystery.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
"Why am I not ripped yet?" - Me after eating one salad
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
Can one more person follow me, then no one else follow me ever again please? Not for any particular reason or anything.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 06/05/2026
Do you guys feel like you're getting a "personalized" experience?
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
Got a new one in McSweeny's today
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 17/04/2026
"In the future, there is such a thing as money. But there’s no such thing as your money. All the money is our money."
buff.ly
In Our Glorious AI Future, There Will Be No Such Thing as Money (For You)
“In the future, there is such a thing as money. But there’s no such thing as your money. All the money is our money.”
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 17/02/2026
I'm writing a book. Isn't that stupid?
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 16/02/2026
If the AI can't be operated by idiots then it has absolutely no chance of becoming a widely adopted consumer technology.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 13/02/2026
To me one of the great tells in all of this is that these jokers keep pushing you to be an early adopter. But if it’s as easy as “describing what you want in plain English,” then why do I need to be “good“ at using it?
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 10/01/2025
"Seriously, I don’t care how much it costs. Take every dime I have. But know this: I would level my house to the ground before I paid slightly higher property taxes to fund infrastructure that would prevent a landslide from leveling my house to the ground."
buff.ly
I Will Pay Any Amount to Not Pay My Taxes
I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a jam. A series of natural disasters is barreling towards my home, and there is a severe shortage of resources and...
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 11/11/2025
This piece I wrote back in January is trending again. It's almost like this a foundational societal problem we need to solve... www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-w...
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 05/11/2025
It's been 15 years since the rent was too damn high. How too damn high is it now? howtoodamnhighistherent.com
howtoodamnhighistherent.com
Wireframe F853 copy
cargo.site
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 29/10/2025
Thanks Ryan!
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 15/10/2025
JD Vance is Nixon if Nixon weren't drunk all the time.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 29/09/2025
I still think Stephen Miller's greatest crime was writing the lyric "lovery-dovey lovey-dovey lovey dovey all the time."
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 17/09/2025
I don’t see how they fan call this man a longevity pioneer when he is, in fact, in his late 40s.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 14/09/2025
I'm just gonna relentlessly promote this piece of writing until you read it and share it so you might as well just do it and save us a lot of trouble. monkeybullets.substack.com/p/the-battle...
monkeybullets.substack.com
How a War Starts
It starts at home.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 13/09/2025
Ever more relevant open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com
How a War Starts
It starts at home.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 09/09/2025
Here's a funny little apology from God, if you feel like you deserve one. monkeybullets.substack.com/p/im-god-and...
monkeybullets.substack.com
I'm God, and I Messed Up
It's a lot trickier than you think running All Creation.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 19/05/2025
It's early in the news day, but I have a hunch this will be relevant again by around noon. monkeybullets.substack.com/p/money-baby
monkeybullets.substack.com
MONEY BABY
In a world where money buys youth, unchecked ultrawealth has unintended consequences.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 05/04/2025
Hey y’all, check out this short story I just wrote about how having too much money turns you into a giant baby. It’s relevant! open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com
MONEY BABY
In a world where money buys youth, unchecked ultrawealth has unintended consequences.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 14/03/2025
I’ll just never understand why someone would spend a lifetime striving to be one of the most powerful people in the country only to literally never use their power. Like, is it all just about going to cocktail parties and staying in nice hotels? Then take ANY other white collar job.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 12/03/2025
Hey man, the recession is happening anyway, in case you haven’t noticed. Trump wants to drown this country, and all you’re doing is giving him a life preserver so he can do it without going under too.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 28/02/2025
Yea, it’s “fucking moron”
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 26/02/2025
An entire generation of a certain class of Americans has grown up in an entirely safe, clean, healthy, America dominated world and are completely oblivious to the institutions that created that world. And now we're all gonna have to learn again the hard way.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 10/02/2025
Seeing a lot of "if the liberals are mad we must be doing something right" shit lately, and I can't stress enough how fucking stupid it is. monkeybullets.substack.com/p/why-are-th...
monkeybullets.substack.com
Why are the Liberals so Upset I Burned Down that Orphanage, Huh?
I’ll tell ya, there’s nothing sweeter than liberal tears.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 05/02/2025
@aoc.bsky.social Payments are frozen right now to a great number of people who desperately need them, many in swing states. The Dems have a fundraising machine that brought in $1b in three months this summer. If there's ever a time to put your money where your mouth is as a party, it's now.
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Andrew Singleton @andrewsingleton.bsky.social · 03/02/2025
There is a massive opportunity here. They are cutting funding to our most vulnerable, many in red states. How much money did the DNC raise in the 6 months leading up to the election? $1b? It's time to step in and start funding these programs ourselves, and let everyone know it's the Dems who care.
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Reposted by Andrew Singleton
Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 25/01/2025
In today’s Flash Fiction the News, a dad measures his son’s erections and convinces himself he’ll never die open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com
Flash Fiction the News: Death Defying Erection Dad
On mortality and the penis.
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Monkey Bullets @monkeybullets.bsky.social · 21/01/2025
Seems like a good day to talk about how much money it would take to literally crush your skull, for some reason. open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com
How Much Money Does it Take to Kill You?
A short mathematical exercise.
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