Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 21/08/2026This weekend is brought to you by the Ace of Wands. If you were waiting for a sign, this is it. The iron is hot, strike early and strike often. 000
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 21/08/2026A musical about a jam Trappist Monk who aspires to be a beer Trappist Monk. Call it Brother Marmalade. 010
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 20/08/2026Some Trappist monks make beer, while some Trappist monks make jam. Do they get to choose or is it like dodgeball in gym class and the captains pick their teams? 100
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 10/06/2026You can lead a horse to the library but you can’t make him read. Because it’s a fucking horse. 020
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 08/06/2026Did you know that there is a word for when Natalie Portman calls a tow truck? It’s called a Portmantow. 000
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 04/06/2026The first draft is the caterpillar. The finished story is the butterfly. The middle is the soup inside the cocoon where the caterpillar dissolves into goo. Trust the soup. 000
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 25/05/2026When I say I’m addicted to painkillers, I’m referring to the rum drink. 230
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 22/05/2026Trump’s hands look like this because he keeps accidentally destroying Stephen Miller’s horcruxes. 020
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 05/05/2026Brand new splatterpunk serial launching on Substack. This one gets messy.open.substack.comOut, Damned Spot! Chapter 1How It Started. 000
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 25/04/2026It requires two leashes to control this monster. 000
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 13/04/2026Me: Hey, where’s my file? OneDrive: In the cloud for immediate access from any device! Me: I’m looking now and can’t find it. Where is it? OneDrive: Your file is available on desktop, mobile, tablet, smart TV, and refrigerator display. Me: <bashes head against keyboard> 050
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 12/03/2026Every time I report one of these as spam the loan amount goes up by $6,000. 000
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 11/03/2026Humpty Dumpty was wallmaxxing when he got gravitymogged. 120
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 10/02/2026Checking my wife’s calendar and found she added a new event for March 10th. 020
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 07/02/2026My wife got mad this morning because I wasn’t paying attention to the reels she was showing me. I was still watching the reels she texted me. 010
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 24/01/2026Remember to blindfold your car before the snowstorm so it doesn’t get scared. 010
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 23/01/2026Ever just be walking and your knee forgets how to knee? Mine just did. Now I have a limp with no origin story. 130
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 13/01/2026Congratulations, your vision boards worked. A brand new short story is live:open.substack.comThe Universe is ListeningA Workplace Horror Story (B-Side #5) 010
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 11/12/2025Just dropped a new coastal horror story. When the tide goes out too far, something else comes in. Read now:open.substack.comThe House on Dead Ebb TideSome tides return. Some take everything with them. (B-Side #3) 050
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 01/12/2025Thoughts on the finale of The Chair Company.chrishicks.substack.comThe Brilliance of The Chair CompanyWhat if Don Quixote thought he was Edward Snowden? 040
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 20/11/2025Just dropped a new post-apocalyptic short story: A guy hell-bent on keeping his morning commute intact as society crumbles around him. Dark, funny, and uncomfortably relatable if you’ve ever clung to routine to cope with chaos. Still Here - read for free below. The Apocalypse Will Be Banalized.open.substack.comStill HereThe future becomes terrifying once it feels normal. (B-Side #2) 020
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 17/11/2025A new standalone story is available over on Substack, click below to check it out.open.substack.comB-Sides #1 - A Slice of LuckA one-off from the Disco Insomnium cutting room floor. No ghosts, no demons, just pie, a gun, and a gambler who should’ve kept driving. 010
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 12/11/2025Kids: you need to stop texting visual puns, they’re not funny. Me: Oh yeah? Well, this graph says otherwise: 020
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 11/11/2025Chapter 1 is live on Substack!open.substack.comAll You Can Eat - Chapter OneAn Invited Guest 010
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 10/11/2025Belly up to the counter for a buffet of terror.open.substack.comAll You Can Eat – TeaserAn eight-part serial novella. The first course drops Tuesday, November 10th. 000
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 06/11/2025You misheard me. I didn’t say there is a lot of money to be made from writing. I said there is a lot of money to be made from writers. And you can too, if you sign up for my six week Masterclass on… 010
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 05/11/2025Batting cleanup on today’s writing playlist:youtu.beEmma Ruth Rundle - Marked For Death (Official Audio)YouTube video by Sargent House 010
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 05/11/2025🚨 I ghosted my Substack for a year. Now I’m back with weekly horror/sci-fi shorts. No cigarettes, just nightmares. First drop: Tuesday. (P.S. Ever wondered if you can milk a pigeon? Click below, then subscribe.) 🐦💀open.substack.comReviving This Before My Mom UnsubscribesOr, How My Substack Went to Buy Cigarettes and Disappeared for Over a Year 000
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 31/10/2025Watched Halloween 3: The Season of the Witch for the first time since watching it in the 80s.media.tenor.comthanos says " perhaps i treated you too harshly " in a scene from a movieALT: thanos says " perhaps i treated you too harshly " in a scene from a movie 020
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 28/10/2025Aggressive virus infected monkeys weren’t on my bingo card for this year, but that’s on me. 010
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 28/10/2025AARP should change its name to AAOPWWNRAWUTAD 000
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 28/10/2025It's easy to forget, but some days you just have to remind yourself that you have survived every bad day you've had in your life, which means you're undefeated. 030
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 25/10/2025My wife was trying on dresses and asked me, “do I look good or do I look skinny?”media.tenor.coma cartoon character says this could be a trap in a dark roomALT: a cartoon character says this could be a trap in a dark room 120
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 24/10/2025For anyone in Columbus, Ohio the Ohio Horror Writer’s Association has event with the Columbus Library on 10/26. I’ll be reading a brand new story & participating on the panels. Details below:events.columbuslibrary.orgSuper Saturday Spook-tacular at Main LibraryMake Main Library your destination one Saturday of every month and enjoy special programming and activities for adults. In October, meet members of the Ohio Horror Writers Association! 010
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 21/10/2025She’s part mountain goat, always going up, never down. 120
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 16/10/2025Owl pounce at half speed. Not sure what she’s hunting but she’s chewing on something. 020
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 16/10/2025Me every time the stock market tanks.media.tenor.coma cartoon character from south park is pointing at a blackboard with multiplication written on itALT: a cartoon character from south park is pointing at a blackboard with multiplication written on it 000
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 12/10/2025Michelin Star restaurants would serve biscuits and gravy and call it “flour two ways” 010
Chris Hicks @writechriswrite.bsky.social · 08/10/2025I can only hope an owl in the backyard is a positive omen. Even if it isn’t, I don’t care. It’s a fucking owl! 271